How would you handle it?

This is a morbid thread, but it's more like one of those conversations you should really have.

I was looking over my friends list on Facebook today and I realized that I have at least two friends who are now deceased. One of them has been gone for a couple of years now, and I had noticed on her birthday that some people wrote "Happy Birthday, have a great day!" on her wall and I couldn't help but think: do they not know she's dead? It just seems awkward to me.

I can understand why loved ones would still want access to the page, but then I think, wouldn't it just keep them from moving on? Or is it just nice comfort knowing they can still see your face whenever they want?

Then there's the whole "friends whom you've never met". There's a good chance they may not know you've passed away, if your Facebook page stays the same.

Here is what I want to ask the good people of this forum:

1. Would you want your social media pages to stay up after you pass away?

2. Have you or would you leave your log in information in your will or in a safe place for loved ones to find after you die?

3. If your answer to question 1 is yes, would you want your loved ones to leave the page as is? Or make it into more of a memorial/celebration of your life?

 

I wouldn't care either way and there is a lot of comedic value in people ignorantly wishing a dead person happy birthday.

 

I had a friend in a previous site. She died a few years ago. And yet, I still kept her in my list of friends(until the site went down). She was a good natured woman. Friendly and sweet. I kept her there in memory of her. I wanted to honor her memory. So, I kept her in my list of friends and was not ashamed of it. I was saying that she was and always will be my friend.

 

Nothing wrong with that. I have all my passwords written down for whoever wants to snoop when I pass.

 

I would prefer that my page was shut down, but I do understand how a sibling or significant other might want to keep a page alive so that periodically friends that miss the deceased could communicate and share with each other some of their thoughts about that person. I am guilty of having shared an anecdote about a deceased friend on their birthday so that everyone could smile and remember the moment rather than just dwelling on the loss.

 

A friend of mine passed away several yrs ago and when you clicked on her Webpage, you've found a pic of her and the message that she died. I think that's the correct way to handle it.

 

I wanted my wife's page shutdown, but her brother insisted on keeping it up so I conceded to his wishes. I did request that our mutual friends remove her so I didn't see the constant reminders of she and I at the corporate Christmas party when FB displays their friends pics.

For me, please shut my shit down when I go.

 

In events like this, sites like Facebook already have measures implemented, but surprisingly they aren't really enforced. I read something like this a long time ago and this link here provides some brevity of information...

http://computer.howstuffworks.com/social-networking-death.htm

It's an interesting read and it does show that we have a lot more work on our plates when it comes to social networking.

 

This is a morbid topic, but I've known (mainly in an extended way), more than a few deaths recently, and it got me thinking about what we leave behind. Then on Sunday, we were ragging on my parents about the fact that they don't have wills.

I don't have a will either. I know I should, especially with a child. So I began to think about what I would want done with my Facebook page after I pass, which hopefully won't be for a long time (maybe Facebook won't even matter then).

I think that I will leave my information somewhere so that one of my loved ones can have access to my Facebook page. I would want them to leave it up for a year (online guestbooks get deleted after a year) and I would want them to acknowledge on it that I'm not among the living anymore, by changing my profile pic to include the year of birth and death, so that anyone who is looking through their friends list can see. Also, I would want them stating how long the page will remain up.

I would also want them to note on there what happened.

I think a year is more than enough time for anyone to visit the page and leave a memory, save a picture, etc.

Then, it will be up to the family if they want to keep it up or not (and keeping it more private).

I read what MS posted and while I like the idea behind how Facebook handles it, I don't like that they keep complete control of the page and change things themselves.

 

an old friend of mine died last November...I posted a link about it...I found out about it after the fact...I have been driving myself crazy wanting to know how she died...she was only 48...why is the how someone died so off limits?

 

I can only guess that people think it's a private thing. Especially if it was not expected, like say a suicide.

I put that in there for that exact reason. A guy who lived across the street from me growing up and with whom I graduated high school with recently died and I couldn't find anything about how he died online anywhere.

People left cryptic messages on his Facebook page (I wish you'd called, I hope you found peace, etc.) and the obituary on the funeral home's site said only that he lived in such-and-such town. Nothing about who he is survived by or anything. It was really weird.

Due to the cryptic nature of a few of the posts, and the fact that so many of his statuses had such an angry feel to them, I can only make an assumption that he killed himself.

Aside from the curiosity viewpoint, why keep that a secret? That information could actually save someone else's life, ya know? Use his death as a cautionary tale about getting help or something. Positive things can come from horrific tragedies.

Anyway, because of that, I wouldn't want anyone always wondering what happened to me, which is why I put that in there. :smt023