The best strategy for a young BM...

In my opinion, the best strategy for a young bm to ensure you'll find the woman you want of whatever kind, is simple -- "git the money."

If I were to advise a 20-something bm on women and romance, I would say don't be affected by what's happening to you now, just focus on building a career (or business) and building that cash --and don't have any kids! -- and by the time you're in your 30s things will be much, much easier.

Put off being the romeo; git the money and the rest comes easy. Wealth is the one thing that trumps the racial equation...

 

Many people will disagree with you....a lot of women will say its not true..that money is not everything and a lot of guys will get philosophical and say that money means little....but..........it is true.

A lot of women don't like wealthy guys because often they may come across as being "jerks", playboys etc. But there are probably plenty of nice guys that have a good career, nice home, nice clothes, good disposition and the lot. It is true though...can mean quite a bit....its tough because you don't always know if a girl wants you for you or for your bank account, but it allows you to get in the door with most women, providing you're not a psychopath.

Men can afford to be patient....look at a college campus for instance....you will see a lot of girls getting into long-term relationships with guys who are a 2-4 years older and already have their careers going, while many college age guys are either not dating much, or just having fun going from girl to girl.....ladies seem to feel that their "value" (I hate using that word but for the purpose of this I must) declines sharply in their 20's and early 30's so there is a push to get involved with guys and get a ring on the finger.....many guys who busy themselves with their career/education end up waiting until they are a bit older and have more to offer....their "value" rises with time....20 year old girls who are reasonably attractive get to pick any guy they want just about but 30-year old guys get to pick any girl they want...and the choices are much better...who has better prospects...a 20-year old girl looking for early-mid 20's guys...or a 30 year old guy looking for mid 20's to early 30's girls?

 

Chosen One, you're right again. I couldn't agree more.

 

from my point of view (WW happily dating a BM) for me its not the money, but the focus on working and being proactive that's attractive. my fella is pretty broke at the moment, but we have discussed our future together and we both, individually and together believe that to be best prepared for our future we need to be able to provide for ourselves and any family we may have. we are both in uni studying our MBA's, his focus on setting up a business, mine going into finance. work for a good few years, save money and then start our lives together.

so i disagree that it is purely money and a good job that attracts WW to BM, but what is attractive is focus and determination on providing a better life for your future family

 

If that is the case no wonder it is hard to find a good decent white woman. gitting the money has nothing to do with love, committment, character, support, trust, honesty.

If you are looking for a stripper or a prostitute get the money, if you want a good girl, git the character, get hard work, get kindness and good treatment of others

gitting the money, doesnt get anyone

 

The major obstacle that black men face in the romance market is not getting an individual woman, but finding a "market" where in spite of the fact that you're a black male, you can "shop" freely. Money makes you more marketable, in spite of your color.

There are women who will love you genuinely, but wouldn't have even looked at you if you didn't show the trappings of success. In her mind, her perfect man is as successful as her or more, whatever else he has to offer...

Plus green trumps the racial equation. We all know that. Git the money.

Of course, you don't want a woman who wants you for your money. But that's not what this is about. It's about understanding the reality of living in the shadow of the racial equation, and the necessity of having the widest market possible of women to search to find the woman for you. Wealth and success makes that easier.

If you believe bm face the obstacle of a very narrow market (even among black women, the market for your services is narrow), then one way to get around that particular problem (and a host of others) is to invest in your financial success. That's just reality.

Indeed, it's easier to find even a woman who DOESN'T care about your money, if you HAVE money.

If you have a nice bod, it can increase your chances of finding a woman who likes you for your personality. If you have $$ it can increase the chances of finding a woman who likes your for your bod and personality. It widens your marketability, and even can melt the racial barriers.

Has nothing to do with "women who want you for your money".

 

thank goodness i never had to date those type of women. education, being a good person, hardworking, kindness and caring is all I needed and all i want from a woman

 

Maybe I'm the exception but I pulled some of the the finest women - looks and otherwise - I've ever had when I was 17 and broke and living in NYC.

Christal. She was 24, half black and half puerto rican, had modelled throughout Europe, and had dated white guys before me. She told her friend to give me her # after we met at a 4th of July party. I was very drunk and having a great time with her at the party and had neglected to ask for her #. I was still living at home, taking the bus, and had not even gone to college yet. We just liked hangin out with each other.

Cathy. She was the bahamian girl in high school I dated. The girl had a major crush on me and asked me out. I could'nt resist. I actually wound up dissing this the first white girl I fell for for Cathy. Cathy had a serious body on her - slender with big boobs and she was dying to give it to me. Her dad was a brain surgeoun and her mother a pediatrician. So she had some money. She was also smart as hell. She was the top student in chemistry at my school. She would take me out most of the time and buy me gifts.

Maybe I'm living in paradise - I doubt it - but it seems to me that even though its logical for women to seek out a man who can provide for a family and therefore logical to assume that that's how they choose a mate, many of their choices are still emotional. Thus, unless you know the individual involved, it would be hard to predict. For instance, they still choose guys because she thinks he is gorgeous or he makes her laugh or they are best friends. Some women do choose based on money or status, e.g. Anna Nicole Smith. Some women don't, e.g. Whitney Houston, Britney Spears, etc.

It seems to me the that the smart ones pick the someone that is going to make them happy in the long run and that's someone with the right mix of physical attractiveness, personality, financial stability, and common values. But, as we know not everyone is smart, and even smart people make mistakes. So, when people start out forming romantic relationships they look for in a partner what they think will make them happy now. That may be money or sex or status or emotional support. But, as they mature, if they mature, they begin to look for a more multidimensional partner.

 

my fella is broke broke broke
he earns enough money for his rent, phone card to call his mum and dad, and a little food- and sometimes not even that
but he is the kindest, most loving, caring, intelligent, sexy arsed man i know
and i wouldn't swap him for anyone-no matter how rich or poor they are

 

I have a feeling that the scene in the U.K. is different from the U.S.

But anyway, again, I'm not talking about pulling an individual person. I'm talking about the shopping around...

...The shopping around that's necessary to find the right one. Perhaps never having had money, it's not easy for some to see the difference, but money makes you more marketable in the romance market, and for a bm, that counts...

Perhaps you all disagree with my premise that being a bm makes you much less marketable romantically? In that case, I hope you're right, but I think you're wrong.

 

i am in the UK?
and i love my fella no matter how little money he has
when i saw him my head swung around,
and was hit by a bolt of lightening
and was over the moon when he was just as perfect as i thought
and he has no money

 

Sunstorm,you're right. If you're a man in the USA and are attractive. You can get alot of women. But USA is full of materialism and you need money to have access to a wider array of women. It doesn't matter the race of the male, thats just how it is. There will be women who say that they just want a good man no matter how much money he has. But when the relationship gets close to marriage and all you have is a cardbord box. We will so how long she stays for so called love.

 

The standards and societal roles/hang ups are different here in the states than they are in other parts of the world, so it all depends on how you approach things...

overall, your life experiences are not only a result of how you feel about others and how they may feel about you, but most importantly, how you SEE YOURSELF as a person. Choc is right on the money.

 

I guess in that case having money makes anyone more marketable. If you don't have the looks or the personality, the money may help to get you in the door, but it won't buy you love, more likely its just gonna get you used and abused.

 

You hit it again.

 

I think if a woman is planning to have kids with a guy, his earning power is more important.

It's still necessary these days for women to take time off their work/careers to have families, and yes there are some guys who will flip and do the looking after of kids, but mainly it's women.

In being in such a vulnerable position, i think as a woman, I'd want to make sure that if I took of time to raise some kids that my husband would be able to support the family on his salary if at all possible.

This is the context that would make most sense to me, because if a woman has her own career and can support herself well enough whether she wants kids or not, she doesn't need to look for a man who is from a wealth family or has got an extremely good job in addition to being loving, caring, kind, generous and interested in contributing to the mutual financial pot ( even tho the job may not be high pay)

It's all about having similar interests in how they want to live. If they both agree that they want to pursue careers, that is worth more points than if one person wants to work on a career and one person wants to party a lot and hang with friends for the majority of the time.

To me, it's not that either is right or wrong, just more or less compatible.

The more your personal preferences/type of goals/desired lifestyle etc. match with the opposite sex, the easier it will be to find someone compatible.

 

well there is the saying that "money whitens"...

 

I am a WW who is successful and educated and regardless of race -- I just want a guy with common interests and motivation/passion. I love live music, so I tend to date musicians or people that enjoy the going to shows. I see 2-3 a week usually.

I've dated the poorest artists, the guys living at home, etc. Perhaps b/c I live in a college town in FL things are different here...but maybe I'm just different. I come from money and a really broken home -- so money isn't important to me at all. I'd take the smallest apartment as long as it is big enough to hold me and the one I truly love.

 

Man....

Hey Solar, man, you have finally given me the answer that I, as a black man, was looking for.

I have been trying to figure out for years how to nullify the racial equation in this racist, anti-black male, country. Sometimes, it seems that if you are a black man, no matter what you do, you will still not be able to live a full life, due to being black and male, that was why I was almost ready to give up on everything; even though I have no kids, have my own apartment, computer knowledge, and etc. It seems like the only thing people see is your skin color, and many of them treat you accordingly. I have no baggage whatsoever, and I still felt like a total loser; and it is all due to the way that black men are treated in this society. You can be a great black man, and most people will try their damnedest to overlook you; if they can.

This country can, and does, make a black man feel like total crap. When I first came to California, I was beaming with confidence, however, after experiencing a whole lot of racism from everybody, I felt like total crap. It was like I no longer knew who I was anymore. I felt like a loser; but when I first came out here, I was getting straight A's in school. When I wasn't aware of the racism in society, because I came from a place in VA where the city was basically majority black, so I experienced very little racism, I was outdoing most students in my classes; black, white, Asian, etc., I was able to focus with my whole mind; something that I haven't been able to do for years since then. Hell, I took Chinese and got an A in it both times.

As I started experiencing more racism, my focus on my studies came to a complete stop. I no longer cared how I did in school; because I didn't think getting an education would make me any more desirable in this racist society. It got to the point where I didn't care about anything anymore. We receive so much unwarranted, and unbridled hostility from this racist society, and the majority of the people in it, that it will choke the life out of any high-spirited black man, which was what I USED to be.

The outright nastiness that we get from people would sadden anyone in the same circumstance; because you will spend most of your life trying to understand why many people in this society hate you, and ONLY you, for nothing. I am telling you, a person has to be a black man, and particularly a young one, to see what black men are saying. We take a whole lotta crap from people; and if you aren't careful, all the hatred that your receive will make you sheepish, and cowardly. You begin to act like that because you truly begin to feel like you are less.

When you look around, the only thing you see is White men with women of every flavor; including black women. Whereas black men, even if you are good looking, most women will try their damnedest to overlook you; because to most women, the average black man is a broke ass man with no future. I always used to think that women truly wanted a good man. Man, I haven't been more mistaken. My biggest problem was that I was trying understand women with a male mind; which deals only in logic.

For the life of me, I could never understand why women love money so damn much. If you look at the average female, they will do almost anything for money, or a man with means. As a man that is hard to understand, because most men require very little to be happy. All of my friends are just happy tinkering around with their gadgets. Most men don't need much, that is what I have observed from just studying myself and others.

Women; however, are a totally different animal entirely. From what I have seen in women, they are attracted to shiny things, anything that shows wealth. I could never understand why a woman would hop in a car with a man she barely knows because his ride is tight. Or I could never understand how an attractive woman of color could wind up with some old white geezer. I also couldn't understand why white men are the most sought after men in this society. However, from what I have seen, many white men have always known the secret to success: MONEY.

I notice many white men don't play around when it comes to the cheddar. They know that the more money you get, the more women you get as well. That is why when I was working, I would see young white males preparing their 401 k plans. These cats know something that black men don't know; many of them know how to play the damn game. It works for them too; as every woman in this country's ideal man is a damn white one. Don't believe, look at the personals, almost all of the women are seeking white men.

As a black man, I find the personal on this site very insulting. Many of these white women are sexually attracted to black men, and probably always have been, but they ain't about to give up that white male security to be with one. Look at the ADS!! They are pathetic, and any black man with an ounce of self-respect would be disgusted by them; as well as the looks of many of the white women in them. Many of them look old and wrinkled, they are in their 40's, and many of their still married to their white hubbies. Who in the hell wants that mess? Not to mention, they just look disgusting. I don't want to see a naked pic of some wrinkled white woman's snatch. I'm cool on that.

I don't like the way many of these white women try to come to a black man when they are all old and over the hill. I don't like that mess at all. Don't come to us when all of your best years are behind you; and you can't even bear kids anymore, I don't want that.

From the looks of many white women's profiles on here, you can tell that many of them don't view the black man as a human being, much less, a damn equal. The fact that they think that black men would get a rise out of those gross ads is insulting in itself. Half of the profiles I don't even click on them, because they are gross. Almost every other one says Adult content. No, thanks, I don't want to see that mess.

However, I have been looking for an answer for years to how to effectively deal, and deal successfully, in a racist system where you are seen as almost completely undesirable; even though you could be a nice looking brother. Most women can even think you are handsome. However, unless you are a Boris Kudjoe clone, you can forget about trumping the racial equation with many women in this society.

Many of them will actually TRY to overlook you, it is nothing innocent about the way people treat you in American Society. They are trying their best not to even see you; especially women. They will only acknowledge you if you are so striking, or so loaded with money that they don't have a choice but to. However, the average black man who is trying to do the damn thing in American Society, and be regular can just forget it. I have seen that the hard way. Most women won't even acknowledge you at best, and many of them will literally RUN when they see you coming at worst.

It is not just a black woman thing either. That is how ALL women act upon the sight of a young black man. I experience it continuously; every damn day I go outside my front door. Honestly, they way people treat you, especially women, will turn you into a bitter man. You get tired of being treated like the damn Grinch who stole Christmas everyday. You find yourself looking around at guys of other races, and how the women treat them normally. While many women treat you like something to be feared.

I don't know how it is in New York Bruh, but I do see how many of these women act in the bay area. The irony of it, is that the bay area is full of interracial relationships, however, black men experience an alarming amount of prejudice out here. I used to think it was just me, but nah, it isn't. What I see is very real; and I was getting depressed over it, because I didn't know the strategy I needed to effectively deal with it. For a long time, I didn't think that there was anything I could do to deal with it. I have been in and out of school, because I didn't think having a degree would make my life and different than what it is now--which is treated like crap because you are a black man.

My dad keeps telling me that my life will change when I get my degree. However, I keep judging my present situation as the type of situation that will always be the way it is; regardless of what I do. However, maybe it will change my situation. Maybe it can open up doors for me that seemed totally closed now; and if that is the case, I am about to start going at getting my degree like there is no tomorrow.

Good idea bruh. That is why I love reading your posts, you are a very intelligent man. Everything that you write about comes from keen observation. Flaminghetero is too.

Thanks bruh.

Later

 

Nice to see you again, jaydun. Good luck in all you do, man.