Prenuptial Agreement question... All Welcome!!!

No disrespect, but isn't that a personal career choice to be in that kind of marriage? I only ask because if you knew his situation you could have compromised so that you both could have careers. It happens often.

 

Oh, I understand that completely. I am actually asking about prior to marriage. Before she made the decision to be husband and wife. And Ches, if these questions are too personal let me know, I was just curious, and I will stop asking if it's an issue.

 

How could I know what path his career would take? It wasn't a normal career path. He was in the last semester of his senior year of college when we met. Went into AOCS after he graduated. Neither of us knew the twists & turns the next 10 years would take. And, when you're a military spouse, you are often at the mercy of your spouse's career. You should know this, even if you weren't married. Living in Spain, civilian spouses couldn't hold jobs unless they had their own GS rating & there was a job available on the base.

But even non-military families often choose to have one spouse work while the other stays home and does the lion's share of maintaining the home & raising the family. Each spouse contributes - just in different ways.

Traditionally, the husband has served in the role of provider. That grates on the nerves of young men & women today. I get that. But that's the way I grew up and what I instinctively sought.

 

Actually, a vast majority of military spouses that I have met worked and earned income in some capacity or another. I was just curious. So, you ultimately preferred the more traditional marriage? I understand. Sometimes we are victims of the times we live in. For instance, with the way marriage, divorce, alimony, child custody and support are distributed in this country it would be financially irresponsible for me to get married. I would like to think that some day things will change. Most judges are older than the both of us, and most supreme court judges are older than our ages combined. So, their views are rather archaic. Maybe in 10 or 20 years things will change.

 

When I was married, most spouses did not work. Well, let me quantify that - officer spouses did not. But overseas, that was true across the board.

For me, marriage is less about financial matters (although important) and more about love, affection, encouragement, serving each other - walking the journey together. I sense (and not judgementally) that financial goals are extremely important to you and may possibly trump the need or desire for the other things that are traditionally a part of marriage. Neither of us is wrong, imo. We are just driven by different desires.

 

Well, the field I work in and study, and the field my father worked in are the same. I think we conversed about this years ago. You know a bit of the hard work I had to do, as well as the toll injuries and constant deployments take on a veteran. To get where I am at today took a lot of hard work. To lose that to someone who simply "changed their mind" or "needed to find herself" is just unbearable to me. I suppose the main difference is the time frames. You were married before the influx of no fault states I think. And divorce is as fashionable as Ferragamos with Dark Denim these days. So, I guess it doesn't make sense to me to get married. But, in time (years from now) things may change.

 

When we chatted, we didn't discuss your career, so I'm not aware of specifics. But I understand what you're saying, especially if the reason for divorce is as shallow as the reasons you stated. I would feel as you do, in that case. I take marriage very seriously. I refused the divorce even after I was made aware of the betrayals & infidelity because I made a vow before God. When things were final, I knew I had done everything I could do to make reconciliation possible. It wasn't to be. I'm just grateful that my ex recognized the sacrifices I made for him and he provided for me after the marriage was over.