No one's talking about Steubenville?

So one has to ask how do you change the culture. Especially if this popular culture stuff ties into a lot of long held gender roles that very few seem to not want to give up

 

I will tell her all men are not bad but she should not easily trust anyone male or female. I wont insinuate all men can be rapists because rapists are invariably men. I dont want my daughter growing up have a morbid fear of men and telling your daughter to be suspicious of all men because they are potentially bad people until they prove they are good could make her have a warped image about men.

 

So we are all in agreement then.

 

Amen on that, see how clear it gets if you leave gender pride out of it? This is not an easy issue and transcend s through genders and generations

 

I do have to ask what is the purpose of this kind of dialogue? To point out rape is wrong? Or that nearly all men are potential rapist and 6% of actually are?
I don't expect just you to answer this but it does make one wonder.

 

Be fair and read some of comments in this thread and other threads. When posters say shit like men need to be taught not to rape women it automatically creates a men vs women environment. It also suggests that all of us come into this world ready to rape and need to be educated on why its wrong. Think about how absurd that is and how easily it offends.
Like I said maybe we need to be in less coed environments until we want to date and/or copulate but outside of that keep interactions to a minimum since men are such a threat. I'm not being sarcastic either, it seems like the only way to ensure safety.

 

How do a woman's sexual fantasies factor in the behavior of men who (potentially) rape??

Drunk sex isn't the same as rape. Come on Bliss. I've been totally fucked up with a woman and we were both undressing simultaneously before we jumped in the bed. And the next morning she's had regrets because we fucked up a solid friendship with casual sex, or she felt guilty because she was dating someone else at the time.

The 'regret' you see from women in entertainment is usually because they've either fucked someone they didn't really like, or he was a loser. It's never played for laughs where a woman wakes up in a stranger's bed and suspects she might have been raped.

You think you get all those bizarre hits on google image search for 'rape' and 'meme' are because guys are getting mixed signals??



All these were created and posted with the assumption they were FUNNY. To someone.
In fact rape memes had gotten so popular in the recent past on some meme sites that they had to be banned.

It just seems like there's been a cultural shift in how many young men view rape, not that they will ultimately do it, but just that it's not considered that big a deal.

When I was growing up the 'joke' was about the girl who slept with half the school. But I don't ever remember so many casual, humorous references to rape.
Maybe it's an internet phenomenon. Maybe it's not.

One thing that shocked my about the Steubenville case was how other teens openly joked about how that girl was going to get raped.

 

Oh, come now Andre.

You know that some will always blame the woman for rape.

More than likely, those same people will vote republican, own guns and have a framed reprint of the constitution above the altar they set up that enshrines Ronnie boy as the patron saint of the "who me? Never!" party.

 

So any disagreement is the equivilent of blaming the victim to you? No one here has blamed women of being responsible for being raped. What's up with you lately?

 

Bingo dude, rape culture. Any yes, that's often exactly how it happens if you had bothered to read what I've posted. And yet when we point out we feel we have to be hyper vigilant all the time, you get a hair across your tush and accuse us of thinking any guy could rape us, and that's not fair. How exactly should we know? 38% are by a friend or acquaintance. 28% are by an intimate - lover, spouse, or other close person. We have to live with this every day, and walk the line between being suspicious of ALL men, and knowing if we are raped, it's most likely someone close to us who will do it, and that we will be blamed for it. That's rape culture too.

 

http://www.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123253614
http://teenadvice.about.com/od/daterape/a/daterapeguysfyi_2.htm

Articles like these are the reason I am so damn paranoid. This is also why it is so difficult for me as a guy to quickly side with a woman after an accusation is made yet others will do it without thought. We as a society take all responsibility away from a woman for her actions. How is that two people can drunk/under the influence yet only one is responsible for the act they both consented to. It does make one feel as if we all should live separately. Its down right terrifying to know if someone retroactively takes back their consent that's your ass, you're guilty.

 

Indeed, those kids thought it was hilarious. As for fifty shades of grey - not getting it. I forced myself through it so I could comment elsewhere. Bad writing, a stupid plot, characters straight out of cardboard, and even the sex was incredibly tame and nor much more than vanilla (my house cleaner and her hubby live in a 24/7 TPE relationship and we discussed this thoroughly too) But, and this is a big but - a consensual D/s relationship is an entirely different thing than what we are discussing here. Sexual fantasies aren't reality - that's why they are called fantasies. Many women have rape fantasies, and I can give you chapter and verse on how that's probably because with control taken away, she doesn't have to think of herself as a slut for wanting sex, which is what we still teach women about themselves. They don't really want to be raped. As for Twighlight, it sounded incredibly twee as well as abusive, so I can't comment as I have neither read nor seen it.

As for drunk sex, there is a difference between a woman who had a few with you and regrets it the next morning, and raping a woman who is passed out drunk. It's a rare woman who would think the first situation was a rape - we ARE capable of differentiating between a mistake and a crime. It isn't feeling tipsy which makes it a crime. It's taking advantage of a woman who is too far gone to be able to consent.

 

I won't disagree about who they say rapist usually are but being blamed your rape just doesn't coincide with the way I see us react as a country every time its brought up save sports stars and the wealthy.
Please don't presume that I didn't read what you posted, I just don't agree with it. I read the statistics but it doesn't paint the picture that keeps coming up in our media and for me what I see in my life. It might be the fact I live in a more liberal part of the country. Women seem to always get the benefit of the doubt in rape cases. We view women as an entity to be protected and coveted, when a woman starts to cry people stop to see if she's ok. We don't pretend she's not there, hell if a woman (usually young and white) goes missing the entire area shuts down to find her and find out what happened to her, who's responsible. I don't see that same effort and attention afforded to men. So its extremely difficult for me to swallow the concept that we live in a culture that promotes, accepts, and vilifies women when it comes to rape. Not saying that women don't get raped, I just don't see this culture pushing men to do it and blaming women when it happens.

 

Seriously? You don't see women getting blamed for rape? you did it yourself when you stated she should have known better than to go to a frat party! and by so doing, you implied frat boys are all potential rapists too

 

The problem with the fantasy is people want it to be their real life. Also lets not get started on the fact that there are millions of women who not only find the stalkerish, rape like behavior by one of the main characters acceptable but also desirable. When women constantly present this idea that they want to be "taken" the idea of saying mother may I doesn't come across as sexy and more importantly something they actually want. It does create confusion.

 

I said no such thing, don't lie to make a point it makes further dialogue pointless. I said women should also be aware, make necessary steps to protect yourself. You can not and should not rely on the good will of others to keep you safe. Its no different then walking around an unfamiliar neighborhood late at night.

 

Yep, I've watched every episode so far this season except this past Thursday's episode as I "stupidly" signed up for a Thursday night class. LOL.

I hate watching TVD after the fact. The CW's website sucks for watching TV shows.

I agree with you about vampire culture. It's very much romanticized.

 

You're crazy I hope the class is worth it. Invest in Hulu+ so you can watch everything the next day. Best 8 bucks I spend each month. I watch it way more than Netflix. The storyline for this season is shaping up to be pretty awesome. Didn't think they could surpass last season especially with her being a vampire now but its going really well right now. If you like that you should check out Being Human on sci fy seems like its something you'd like.

 

Whether we like it or not, I believe it is a natural reaction to feel "broken" after a rape. As a victim of rape myself, I think broken is actually the perfect description. Don't mistake that for weakness though. I'm an incredibly strong woman, but in the face of an impossible situation, I felt emotionally deflated. I consider that a pretty normal response.

Incredibly unfortunate, but once again...absolutely true.

I've been toying with the desire to respond for days, but some of y'all can be mean as hell lol. With that said...I've never been one to shy away from touchy subjects, so why start now?

I agree with most of what TDK has said. I understand his point to be quite simple...yes rape happens, however it's not commonly approved of/permitted/tolerated, thus there is no 'rape culture' in America. I may have misinterpreted his message, but that's how I read it.

It's very unfortunate that many women don't feel comfortable/confident enough to report their rape, but I think that's a conversation that needs to be had with our daughters. I teach my daughter to be independant, and vocal. If something doesn't seem right, speak up. I teach my son to respect girls...period. I don't feel I need to "teach" him that rape is wrong...that goes back to my training about respect. My kids are still very young, so these conversations will continue for many years to come!

Even as someone who's been through rape, I don't walk around thinking any man could be a rapist if given the opportunity. Quite the opposite actually. I still believe most men would not condone or participate in rape. Personally, I refuse to let the actions of one man dictate my opinions of the mass.

Not looking to create any hostility here, just wanted to offer a different female opinion.

 

And boy is it welcomed
Im curipus about one thing and I guess this is a question for everyome whp jas been thrpugh it. Did you seek counseling afterwards? Why or why not?