Healing after a breakup

Hello I hope this is not a double thread.

How do you heal after a breakup with a person you love/loved? Not a "just dating" thing, I'm talking about a real relationship that you invested feelings and energies in.

Is there something you usually do that makes you feel better? How do you get yourself together? What helps you? Do you have routines? I'm not asking for myself, I just thought it could be nice to share!

Maybe this is mostly a girl thread but I'd like to hear about guys too.

(Please no bitchin': we don't bitch at people in Rivendell )

 

I give in to the emotion for awhile. I love hard, so I grieve hard. But when life has to go on, I pray, I journal and (this might sound funny) I "schedule" time to grieve. If I can't cry at the moment, I tell myself "Tonight, I'm home - no plans, I'll cry then." Being busy or stuffing down the memories doesn't work for me. Crying and feeling the pain is the only way the pain eventually subsides.

 

Babe, I assume there is a reason, why you opened that thread.. Anyway, you loved that person, that person didn't make a mistake..you didn't make a mistake.. It's just that you two didn't belong together..

You've had a nice time, you have memories. Keep them in your mind, remember them and don't be angry. It just shouldn't be- that's all.
There was a time, when you loved and he did the same..just think of that!

 

hey Chri, well actually we officially broke up in January but then it was on and off for a bit (Qatar in June). We could never completely close the thing untill the other day when he got upset for something and now we're done. It was better this way, I know we werent made for each other but it was hard to cut it because our souls have known one another for a long time... way more than the 2 years that we've actually known each other for. But what it is is what it it. So yes, me creating the thread is releted to my breakup but I really want to know about you guys.

What I found helpful were Australian Bush Flowers, staying in touch with nature and going out with friends.
The thing I don't like about myself is that I listen to stupid romantic music and cry LOL but I think it's just as Chesbay said, you need to let the pain come through you.

What do u do when u break up?

 

It depends on, how deeply I was invoved with...when I separated with my ex-husband, it was a catastrophe..that was the time, when I've learnd that it is ending sometimes, no matter, how much you love someone.
But no reason to feel depressed. I've found a new love and a second one and a third one.
I don't feel the same as I was doing, when I was in my twentieth or even thirthieth. I accept people, how they are. I love the moments we can share together, but I have no expectations.
I know today that I cannot change anyone and I don't want to.
I let the people or my lovies what they are, I want that they can develop that they can do whatever makes them happy, I don't make them feel any pressure..
If they wanna leave I can accept that, but most don't want, because I don't hold them. I live my life and from time to time, we meet each other to share a great time together.
No break-up, because I don't see it as something like that, we are all in changes, everyday and sometimes we change our relationships, but that doesn't mean that we lose each other. We accompany us, in this way or another. We only have one life and to find a person you can trust is rare, so keep them

 

i agree with you life is about change

 

This has worked for me, also. (the crying part, not the praying!) I am not afraid to admit I get very emotional and I shed some tears. It's hard, but I think you have to let the emotions play themselves out, rather than try to keep it bottled in. You do feel better eventually.

I also find music that plays into my mood. nothing like a good blues song to begin the healing process.

 

oh yes, music <3

 

Check with some of stiletoes recent posts. She recently broke up too. The only thing I can say is call your girlfriends and stay super busy to keep your mind from getting depressed. It always helps to have the support of those who love you. Go out for dinners or shopping. I don't recommend clubs because you will fall for whoever thinking you are filling the void. :smt056

 

Damn is everyone going through a break up right now?
Sorry Arwen it sucks balls

 

Ok people, this thread is NOT about MY break up. I'm asking you in this forum what you do when it happens!!!!!

 

Get away for a night or a few days-new scene

Write a letter about all the reasons you loved the person and all the things that are not quite right, this keeps me from going back to bad situations

Give yourself some time to grieve,

Treat yourself to something nice-manicure, pedicure, back massage..

Tell a trusted friend

 

Typically I don't admit when something like that hurts me. If I feel like lashing out at someone, I never do. Instead, if I want to do that, I type a letter in word or something like that. I rant, I ramble, I get mad. Then, I re-read whatever I wrote, feel better and delete it. This isn't only over a break up, but in general.

Most recent break up... I broke up with him. I was over the relationship before we officially broke up and felt MUCH better without him.

 

My last breakup was in Spring '11. Instead of my ex doing the dumping, I did the dumping,, but I did cry a little (ok a lot...), watched sad movies, and cried there too, received hate email from him (and some threats, to which I have either ignored or deleted), and talked to my two best friends about it. In less than a week, I completely gotten over him and moved on to where I am today.

But he still creeps me in attempt for us to get back together....0_o I don't acknowledge him though for his stalking behaviors, but I think he's gone insane.

 

I would say that is one thing that speeds the healing process: when the other person acts like an asshole. Creepy shit like stalking and harassing e-mails puts breaking up into a whole other dangerous light.

 

You've got a point, but the thing is, that even 1 year later, he's been creeping me, always contacting me CONSTANTLY. It's like we've never broke up, even though I had to do the dumping for several reasons. One time a while back, he came over uninvited and tried to make a move on me! I had to kick him out of my house and lock the door.

I just hope my next boyfriend (if I get one lol 3rd time's the charm, right?) is kind, gentle, loving, protective to their loved ones, and not pushy.

 

When I break up with a chick, I normally do stuff to take my mind off her.

Playing bball, lifting, running exercising etc.

Also going to the movies with your best friends or going out to meet new women.

 

Yeah, Princess, I know you're right and I have a strong feeling that you are not alone in having to deal with shit like that. This is the reason that restraining orders were invented. Be safe, my dear.

 

After reading the latest break up woes, I'm so glad that I'm too busy for a relationship

 

How to recover from a relationship with an emotionally retarded white man?

Date an emotionally manipulative and narcissistic white man for 6 months, then let him fuck your life up and let him almost kill you

How to recover from that horrible specimen? Befriend and date a schizophrenic black mixed-race (black) man for two years and ride the tides of insanity with him, but mostly appreciate his loyalty and his kindness/gentleness...

How to escape from a relationship with a schizophrenic? Meet an Englishman who seems like the solution to all of your problems and your "prince charming", floppy hair and all, 10 years your senior. Stay with him for 5 years of mind-fuckery and physical abuse and sexual neglect.

How to recover from a relationship with an abusive neglectful white older man? Meet and date a devoted (even obsessed) even older black man for a couple of years complete with everything you had ever missed (and some things you never wanted)...

How to recover from a relationship with a controlling obsessed devoted black man? Move two hours away and date more black men.

How to recover from black men with other problems similar to what I have encountered in the past with men of any other color? Date more black men with the knowledge I have gained.

I could go into more detail, but you get the picture.