Is it okay to ask your partner about past relationships?

This is how I would look at it:

If he didn't move away, would you be questioning his past relationships? If yes, then it's just something you want to know.

But if not, then I would take this as a sign that your brain is trying to tell you something. He's asking you to uproot your life completely for him. You are having doubts about that, which is completely understandable. I think your subconscious is trying to tell you to slow down and maybe let you know that this isn't what you really want right now in your relationship.

Lots of people uproot their lives for the ones they love, and sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't. But the fact that you're now leery about this man's past should tell you that you might not be ready to take that step with him...yet.

Now, this is strictly my opinion (having two failed marriages under my belt myself) based on what little you told us. You can take what I tell you or leave it, I'm just putting it out there for you as another option, that is all.

 

this is the best you can hope for.

Agreed, when if its a fact and its somewhat tossed on your plate after having an interest in a person you just deal with it and keep it moving.

every situation is different, it would be foolish to think otherwise.

 

If i may ask, did he marry the other baby mamas and divorce them? How old is he now and when did he have those kids with those baby mamas? The fact that he has had kids with other women does not mean he automatically will fail in his next relationship as some are claiming with such air of certainty. At the end of the day go with your gut feeling and take a decision which will best suit you.

 

Divorce statistics in America for marriage:
Marriage & Divorce statistics (in percent)
First Marriage 45% to 50% marriages end in divorce
Second Marriage 60% to 67% marriages end in divorce
Third Marriage 70% to 73% marriages end in divorce


* Source: Jennifer Baker, Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, Springfield

Certainty wasn't a term used, just chance. Of all the sources I've seen, the stats are very similar. Obviously, each pairing is unique and may defy these stats (they're just numbers right? lol). Clearly it would be wonderful for Alexis' relationship to be a long and healthy one!

 

LOL!

 

Since statistics is being thrown out why dont i also throw one out. Statistically most Black Men in America between the age of 18 and 30 are in jail or have been to jail at least once, so i am guessing men within that age range on this forum might not be objects of desire cus once a jailbird always a felon.

 

Sssh, you're not supposed to bring up jail. Otherwise folks will realize that I'm posting from there!

 

Completely disagree. Like Ive said before marriage needs to be redefined

 

Redefined by who? To what?

 

By the people by our popular culture. I think we should emphasize friendship over fucking romance as well as the discussion of opening th relationship up a bit. Marriage can work if the boundaries of monogamy are redefined.

 

If I'm with a girl and we get to the point with one another where we want to commit to each other under whatever terms *WE* set together. That is our marriage.

Marriage is a personal decision between two people that should not be governed by law. HOPEFULLY the couple to marry decides not to structure their marriage based on religious principles.

Traditional marriage does not need to be redefined. It needs to be abolished.

Free Buju, legalize marijuana and prohibit marriage, I always say.

 

Yeah good luck with that, boo.:smt081

 

co-sign

 

I haven't read all the replies, but if you think it will affect your relationship then I would say you need to clear the air so to speak. He needs to assure you he will honor his commitments to you.

 

Damn you sure picked a real winner there.
Honestly, it sounds like the guy has major baggage. And why would you want to be a step mom anyways?

 

Being a stepmother is not the worst thing in the world Iggy. Some kids can be wonderful, and why wouldn't you love them? Especially if they are the children of the man you love.

It's ideal if the baby mamas are very much out of the picture or at least know their place and stay in the background where they belong. I guess you have to know where you stand in his list of priorities.

 

Why would she not like to be one, I mean, if she loves her boyfriend why couldn't she love his children as well, after all they are an extension of him, and yes although society refers to children as 'baggage' I see it rather as a package and have never considered them as baggage. Children can be a bonus to the relationship and why not embrace the lives of the little ones, after all, they are the innocent parties in all this.

 

wow.. brownie points for this post

 

That's basically the same thing I said in the previous post. I totally agree.

Except some kids can be total monsters... it sort of depends on the way the two of them (parents) interacted before and after the split. I feel bad for the kids regardless, but would I want to sign myself on for say, a violent child or a clinically obese child whose mother just kept on feeding him? Not sure I would want to disrupt my relatively peaceful life for that. But cute kids who are just a little naughty sometimes? Yeah I think that's okay... you can always be a bit of a positive influence (and hug them a bunch). One can hope and pray...

It all comes down to why the father picked the mother in the first place... if he's drawn to dysfunctional women, he will raise dysfunctional children, because he doesn't know how to set boundaries. Then you have to take a look at yourself and wonder if you are part of the equation (one of the dysfunctional chicks he likes who tend to be bad mothers) or if he is really, REALLY trying to make a break for the better. AND if you are up for the task, whether they are just being naturally mischievous kids or actually clinically ill...Society gets that mixed up sometimes, especially in this age without a decent recess at school (leading to over-medication/sedation, and over-diagnosis), and without a solid family base in a lot of cases. I feel so sad for the children... if there were a case that the stepmother could be a positive influence, wouldn't that be nice?

 

I had a positive influence on my stepson's life. I stepped in when neither of his own parents were going to do anything about his situation (he wasn't being parented at all). He would have ended up a high school dropout, likely involved in a gang, were it not for me.

Today, he has one year left of high school and is planning on going to college.

Stepparents can absolutely make a positive difference in a child's life - but every situation and every child is different.