A Guy/Woman with Herpes vs. A Guy/Woman with kid(s)

I must be a horrible person, because I'd rather date a man with herpes than a man with kids.

Herpes can be kept at bay with medication, and treatment has come really far in the last 10-15 years. It continues to be researched. If you have an outbreak, you do not have sex. Simple. When the outbreak goes away, you continue life as usual. While not ideal, it is what it is, and many, many people live with it every single day.

Children can not be kept at bay. They break shit. They scream. They cry. They shit on themselves. They require potty training. They require school clothes and college educations. They are snotty, argumentative, talk back, and make a mess wherever they go. You can't go on vacation and leave them alone or you get arrested.

Give me the man with herpes any day. And a prescription for Valtrex. kthanks.

 

A guy I'm dating has 4 kids, and two he claims as his own. He takes care of them every weekend and buys them clothes every week, takes them fun places, although he only works in a factory. He cooks/cleans/disciplines them, and loves them. He has the sweetest personality of probably anyone I've ever met in my life...how he treats me is how I know he is a wonderful father. He gets along fine with all of his children's mothers, which is a testament to him as a person. I initially have been incredibly turned off by the idea of a man with children, but for the right guy, with the right nurturing qualities, I would definitely change my mind...it would be a plus if he wouldn't be opposed to the idea of giving me a child too - one way or another. If he's good to the kids he has, he would be good to mine.

The downside is that he doesn't have much time to spend with me...and then there are the baby mamas who will ALWAYS be in his life.

 

Not quite true. The herpes virus is contagious at any time, outbreak or no. Medication drastically reduces the risk, but you can still contract HSV-2 during a non-occurrence due to viral shedding and not knowing when that occurs. This is why the stigma associated with herpes is so great. Oral herpes can also be spread during a non-occurrence, but it's more rare.

 

I know this. My good friend and her husband have it, but didnt feel the need to go into it.

I'd still rather have herpes than date a man with kids.

 

interesting! i knew there were women out there like you, not saying anything is wrong with your opinion at all. just find it 'interesting' is all.

i still couldn't do it, id rather date someone who has kids versus someone with herpes.

 

I'd rep you for this if i could. Adopting is full of awesomeness. I find that to be incredibly altruistic and sexy on your part :smt023

 

Yeah, um, I have no desire to be a mother... I feel like I have way more interesting things to do with my life. Besides, for how much my doctorate is costing, I couldnt afford to give birth even if I wanted to.

 

No one mentioned being a mother to the kids of the man your dating, we are just saying dating in general. I don't get your point of risking obtaining some monthly bumps on your mouth or flower over being a positive role model for today's youth. With people eating other faces and taunting older women on a school bus about her weight I believe kids need more people with doctorate's to shape our future.

Sure when I date women the thought of would she be a good role model for my kids crosses my head but it seems you lack the motherly instinct i thought all women had in them. (don't take this as an insult as that is not my intent).

 

Wow. Just....wow.

 

Awwww shit

Look on the bright side...at least she has no kids, because they wouldn't have an interested mother

Some people have kids and then realize they never really wanted them

 

True that.

I just can't wrap my head around that. I get it if someone doesn't want to or have the desire to have kids. It's not a requirement in life. But to say there are things way more interesting? Hmmm. No degree, or initials after my name or any kind of awards could compare with the satisfaction and joy I feel at having raised a child. Being a parent will always be the crowning achievement of my life. And it was definitely the most interesting thing I've done to date.

Perhaps it wasnt meant to sound the way I understood it. To her, being a parent is not something of interest, so many other things are more attractive.

 

You're right. To me, being a parent isnt interesting. To me, it's soul-crushing, dream-sucking, and awful.... I have my own list of things I want to do with my life, a list that isn't possible if you have kids. I wont put them on hold for some small person I may not even like in ten or twenty years. I feel like, I personally, have more to offer than my womb...which goes along with the original discussion.... a man with kids isn't attractive. He's already taken. The herpes, at least, is something you can manage.

That's great that you enjoyed raising your kids, ches. For you, and many others, it was an amazing decision. My comments about my personal feelings when it comes to parenting apply to me only, and how I view parenting if I were doing it, not to others that make that decision, just in case someone was going to get all fired up about it. My parent friends are amazing, and I give them a lot of credit...and I love kids, but having them is just not my thing. Especially when pregnant bellies literally make me want to gag....me? Have babies, or date a man with kids? You'd have a better chance of my voting republican...

 

While I personally don't agree with your reasons why, I have to hand it to you. You are one strong woman in the face of evolution and societal pressure. You have not allowed anyone to to instill motherhood on you, which shows me how seriously you have taken it, particularly when some do it for the hell of it, for money, or because its expected of them, or by accident. I have to respect you on that.

 

Thanks for that.

 

co-sign

 

I know several women thinking like you do. And it's true that to be honest to yourself and not to follow the "expected way , how a woman has to be and feel" is the better way.
But I also have to say that many times, behind that concentration to career and the wish to travel, is simply a big disappointment and lack of confidence to men. I am not saying, you think like this, I just share my observation of women I've met.

 

I hear ya. And I'm surprised that anyone with children would be offended by the idea that you weren't interested in it.

I haven't entirely made up my mind yet, but I feel I could live a very happy and fulfilling life without having children. There is SO MUCH to do in the world that is much easier/more fun without children in tow. I need my freedom far too much

 

I'm actually surprised by the amount of women who are still into me even when they find out I have kids.

 

Lol aww damn