Cheaters

Or just bounce. Why stick around with someone who withholds sex anyway.

 

It depends. If you have two people willing to be open and upfront theres no need to cheat. You might not stay together but you dont have to cheat.

 

Yeah, it's a rude awakening. Though while that may be in relationships or casual ones, I think in marriage there is much, much less cheating.

 

There also are extremely selfish people who withhold sex FOR A LONG TIME, only thinking about themselves. Or partners who use is as a selfish form of punishment FOR A LONG TIME. It shouldn't lead to cheating, but don't test your partner because what 'shouldn't happen' sometimes does. Then it's a new mess.
Now those who get it good on the regular and still cheat are just selfish dysfunctional sex addicts, imo.

 

Anytime I have lost interest in someone sexually then there were other things wrong in the relationship. So probably best you just ended it. :smt102

 

Well, that's the obvious answer... that's why I wanted to exclude it, so we could dig a little deeper. As Bliss stated, there are selfish people who withhold sex. In a situation like that, I'm not asking if the cheating is justified... but at the very least, is it understood why the person is cheating? I won't go so far as to say that your partners lack of action should ever be cited as ones reason for cheating, but I'd say that it if one were to take an objective look at the their own behavior in the relationship they'd see that they too contribute to it's successes and failures.

 

Ha! not in my marriage at least. But again, we were both young.

The most obvious reason anyone cheats is because something is missing in the relationship. Whether is sex, or respect for the spouse, or because the passion is gone. If you aren't missing something you won't go look for it in other places.

 

When a man pays a prostitute.

He is not paying for sex....he is paying her to leave when the sex is done.

He ain't paying her for cuddling, romance, or to make plans for a date night or come over to meet the family and friends or all that other stuff.

He is paying for straight hardcore sex and when he's done....she gets dress and leaves.

 

Thanks Tam, that's exactly what I was looking for. While the obvious answer is to get out of the relationship, what I was really looking to find out is if you all still think it's cheating under circumstances such as the partner withholding sex.

That said, I disagree that it's a selfish act for the partner to seek sex elsewhere when it's being withheld at home. I'll agree that it's deceitful, sneaky, contemptible, etc.,. but to me selfishness is an act done with no regard to how it will affect others. In this scenario, that is not necessarily the case. Expecting ones partner to go 3 solid months without is quite unreasonable. Forcing them to go 3 solid months is showing no desire to fulfill their needs or wants in the relationship; a very selfish act.

Yes, the cheater is always ultimately to blame for his or her cheating. HOWEVER, sometimes there are actions or lack of actions by the partner that can help pave the way.

 

I was thinking this when I saw this post. Should have said it.

*wonders what blackbull's sign is*:smt017

 

A well respected poster has asked me why do I cheat, I wanted to give her a indepth analyzation but I've been so busy lately...

Truthfully I never intended to be a cheating ass dog. Ever since I was youngin I had a deep infactuation with females but I was pretty damn geeky, lame, and ugly. I always preferred to be in the company of females than guys but some people thought I was gay (funny because dudes who hung around "the fella's" all day were looked as not gay)

With the combination of my low self esteem, videogame addiction, square, ugly ass together, I was a female repellent. I had interest from females here and there but they were the ones I weren't interested in. I longed for a girlfriend for a very long time and felt kinda empty and worthless without one because that's all I seen on tv.

Senior year of highschool I met my Wife and we clicked so I finally got a girlfriend after so many years like I wanted. I was all on that lovey dovey you and me forever there's nobody else but you I want bullshit lol. I first cheated with this chick at work, she actually kept coming at me but I was trying my hardest to be faithful, she knew I had a woman. I finally gave in the back office of a fast food joint. All we did was kiss, it weighed on my conscious and I told my girl almost immediately, please forgive me it'll never happen again.

Well 2 years later I did cheat again but again it wasn't intentional. I went out with some friends earlier in the day and they pissed me off. They came to my house later that night to make it up to me, brought some liquor and chilled downtown to drink. My boy hollered at these older women in the car so we all chilled together drinking and smoking.

Well it got to the point these women wanted to go home but they lived like 30 miles out. My boy who hollared at them in the first place didn't want to roll with them so I felt like he was making us as a crew look like a bitch so I told them I'll roll with them and left his ass.

I remember calling my girl saying I don't know where I'm going, I'm so high and drunk right now then my phone died. I was having a down week with my dick but I managed to hit one of the broads off. Her friend watched too, they both kept bragging about my dick.

The next day I went to hit it but I couldn't get it up smh. I got mad than started to cry in front of this grown ass woman telling her I got a woman at home pregnant with my first born and I feel horrible...she cried with me lol telling me her story. That was a long ass ride home.

Ever since that day I knew I didn't have a conscious anymore. I remained faithful for 3 years but it started to fuck with me. During this time I started taking better care of myself, dressing better, lifting weights, and the ladies took notice. Females would throw the pussy at me but I'd pass trying to be this noble upstanding honorable father/husband.

After so long I got sick of the shit and said fuck it, there's no merit in this shit living this boring family life and I'm sick of missing out on these thrills with these beautiful ladies which how I became a chronic cheater.

It started out as ego stroking but became a hobby, it's fun to me and what I do on the side. I've outgrown videogames and this is the new game for me. I love the thrill and adventure. Sometimes it leads me into things I would of never done or known of. I see see and speak to other men about there relationships/marriages, majority of the faithful types are burned out wishing to be with other women. Guys who cheat come off happy like me living the life.

Why don't I divorce?

Many reasons but I'll be real, chief among them is I couldn't afford it. I would not be able to live the life I wanted if I did. Secondly I love my Wife and family. I like to see them happy so I try my best not to get sloppy and keep that aspect of my life to myself under the illusion that I am the perfect husband/father.

 

well stated

 

I know a man who got married and the wife had regular sex for the first month only. Now she never does. When they first talked about it she told him that he was everything that she wanted in a man but now that they were married she wouldn't be having sex with him anymore because she got what she wanted.

Cheaters aren't the only bitches in the game. He won't/can't divorce her because he doesn't have financial incentive too.
He has affairs. She doesn't know outright but if she did she would be pissed. I can't understand any of it but there ya are.

Just one more reason why marriage can be whack.

And I know more than one female in marriages with exactly the same attitude.

 

Uh, no. It didn't change through the last several, and it won't in the ones to come. Thanks to religion, people buy into the bullshit logic that youre only supposed to be with one person your whole life, but evolution and psychology says differently.

 

Well, it is the single worst thing to happen to humanity other than cancer and incurable diseases.

 

She's really not lying about it. Marriage (by religion) have always been about property rights. Always been a patriarchal mindset and rule of law, where the governance is by daddy (aka "God") and that he's the absolute rule in the home.

The dynamics of marriage has altered slightly since secular progression, but the idea of a nuclear family has been nothing more but a TV scenario that hardly exists anymore. It's all a social constructed concept that's waning slowly.

Instinctively, human beings aren't meant to be monogamous. And this is purely based on scientific evidence. But given society and human sapience and the need for order and control, the idea of living in a monogamous lifestyle is tantamount to reinforce some level of structure.

 

I never implied that there's no happiness in marriage. Far from it. However, what initially start off as a passionate companionship eventually turns to tolerant companionship. Those very people you talk about...sure they can still assert happiness, but it's no longer out of the passionate impulses towards one another had they've been married for x-amount of years. But, there is still love and happiness in the relationship. Just that we as people never give it a lot of thought.

And for the record, what drives me crazy is that people no longer accept reality and factual evidence when going into discussions. It seems like people are too butt-hurt (using your word) when their opinions are generally trumped with information that's relative and founded within the fields of cognitive understanding. I never said you were wrong in this respect. But I think you're more willing to ignore empirical studies and just go by emotion.

 

Therapists Shed New Light on Cheating

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/therapists-shed-light-cheating-232500719.html