"I'm not being racist, it's just how I was raised"

"I want an attractive "white" man to date and hang out with. I don't date outside of my race (sorry)!! I'm not being racist, it's just how I was raised!!"

I got the above statement off of a profile of a WW that I found attractive (past tense) on a dating website that I won't name.

Now on the surface I don't have any problem with a WW who won't date outside her race because WM are her preference. That just happens to be what she's attracted to. Nothing wrong or racist about that in my opinion. However when you say "just just how I was raised" you just make yourself look stupid. So you were raised to be a racist? lol I mean just because you were raised a certain way does not make it RIGHT!

I also get that some may want to date outside their race but don't wanna have to deal with their family and suffer for it... While somewhat sympathetic I still think thats weak...

I brought this up to vent but also to get the viewpoint from WW on here because I'm sure at least some of you were also "raised" this same way, yet at some point realized how wrong it was.... Just curious to get other viewpoints cause I'm not gonna lie, kinda pissed me off cause I see this so much latelty... Am I wrong here? Or missing something?

 

When I brought my ex home, my family was very accepting. They didn't care that he was black, he fit in nearly instantly.

I wonder what my aunt's experience was, when she dated a BM 20+ years ago and became pregnant with my cousin... that might've changed the family's attitude since my aunt has already "been there, done that".
From what I remember growing up though, I've never heard my parents (or family) speak of anyone negatively (i wonder if this has anything to do with me being deaf and the family saying it amongst each other then just not repeating it to me *ponders*).

 

Youre from Canada you dont count!!! Lol

 

bmanz said WW, didn't specifically say where from :smt081

 

Yeah I've seen that happen a lot. How can anyone bring about positive change with the people the love if they just go along with obvious bigotry?...unless they are a bigot themselves...smh

Thanks for the input Nicole...

 

I would hope that parents or families don't raise their offspring to only date or feel attracted to a certain race or ethnicity.
Okay,my dad was out of the picture for the most part and my mom is a little bit indifferent about a lot of things,but I've never had either of them or anyone else in the family try to instruct or tell me who I should like or feel attracted to and who not.
Unless the chosen one behaves like a jerk towards them or me they won't say anything.

 

This is why I like white women that are confident, resolute and comfortable in their own skin.

There are those of course who even if they are into a black guy are scared of what family, friends and even the perceptions of strangers may be, especially in a place with the history that America has where immediately folks see your skin color and make assumptions, individual qualities be damned.

The moment I encounter a woman who thinks along the "way I was raised" sentiment when it comes to race I know what is at work there and I lose all interest.

To me a white woman who has risen above those sentiments and can see the individual for who they are and deal with me from that perspective is much more attractive and interesting because it speaks to her as the type of individual she is to go against the grain of stereotypes and assumptions about skin color.

If the black guy is an asshole she realizes he is an asshole
If the black guy is a loving partner, she realizes he is a loving partner

Not black/white/etc, but the individual dude and what qualities make him a man.

Myopic views are the bane of humanity across different cultures of this planet. No culture has a monopoly on such thoughts that you mentioned above from the individual woman. I prefer to see it for what it is her shortsighted prerogative and will keep it moving. No sweat off my sack, plenty of women out and about who may or may not think that way as well.

If they can't see me for the man I am then we have nothing to talk about.

 

While I know you are joking.

I am sure there are plenty of women who think that way in the Great White North as well.

Human beings are notorious suckers for falling to peer pressure and criticism, especially when they grew up, work and live around the folks serving up criticism. Can be a hard thing to rise above.

Some find it better to go with the flow, than swim against the tide.

 

:smt038

 

:smt023

Thank you Unique.

As a black man in America, this is something I consistently have to deal with.

Folks approaching you and interacting with you off the bat as a stereotype.

Thinking they know you and assuming your qualities before you even speak one word. Utter ignorance.

I remember one time in college I had a white dude come up to me asking me if I have weed for sale or if I know any spots. I was like W.T.F.

He would have been better served asking one of the white kids considering I've never smoked a joint in my life.

Little things like that leave you scratching your head.

Host of white kids around and you come up to the black dude asking about drugs.

 

LOL, I remember this discussion on this very subject got pretty deep, intense and hot a while back.

Somewhere in there does lie a piece of that as a factor one would imagine, in that they may finally have said. Fuck it I like what I like, no one is going to tell me what to do at the expense of my own happiness or life pursuits.

 

Hate to crush your hopes but this happens all the time, at least here in the US. Having racist parents is one thing but feeding into it and accepting it is just sad to me.

 

I've seen this happen as well a lot... It's sort of like fuck it, I tried it their way.... At some point we realize that stereotypes are just stupid. There are both good and bad people of EVERY ethnicity.

 

I think this goes back to what Paniro posted and I responded to above about some white women maybe saying, enough as they get older and just living their life removed from that mindset.

But no doubt in a place with the racial history of the U.S. it is a fabric of the mentality often.

I will never forget reading that story about the segregated proms in Georgia, Some of the white girls went with courtesy dates to the prom and took pictures for memory and then after went and hung out with their black boyfriends.

When the parents were asked about the prom, they said its not racist, its just the way things are done around here. Wow.

 

As someone who is very culturally aware, takes an interest in different societies and enjoy studying them.

I have no doubt seen the nature of human beings across the planet.

To me things like these are actually fascinating because as a History Major, I can't begin to fathom what life must have been like for blacks in a different era.

Imagine being black in the 1800's and slavery or in the Jim Crow Era, just unimaginable.

 

I bet you could find Canadian women like OP met.

Tarshi and others say Austrailia is super friendly to bm.Yet, see below. You can't blanket statement a whole country anymore than you can a whole race. Blanket statements are ignorant pretty much no matter what the context. See below from another thread.

http://whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21448&highlight=australia

Great post GQ.

There are just people of different races, not only whites, who just can't see beyond color. I have met bm who won't date outside their own race. :smt102 Explain it........must be the same they were raised hearing biased crap. To me they aren't worth it. Move on and find someone who is smart and open minded. You will be happier. If you go in trying to change someone, it will never last.

Around my mom's house you would be fine. There are other women in my family dating bm. Nere a word is said to the negative. So not every white woman is "raised that way". There are open minded women, bmanz, you just found one who isn't. Bad luck. Forget her and move on.

Want to add online dating allows people to be picky without ever getting to know a person. It is quite imperfect. It is very hard to judge chemistry and personality through a computer.

 

hmm

When you grow up in a small Northern California town of predominately white people, you learn that its looked down upon if a white woman does remotely anything with a black man.

 

I had no idea you are deaf.
---------------


To answer the question. I feel, that there comes a time when one has to do whats right for themselves and not care what other people think. Granted, I know it might be impossible (like in South Asian familes) but as it is WW, most white people are not tied down by culture or traditions.

I think once a person is aged between 18-25, they should be strong enough to think for themselves.
I do understand it is quite different in the States, when compared to the UK though.

 

I honestly think that the phrase "how I was raised" is nothing else than an excuse for, "but my family doesn't allow". It's a fear certain women have to make a false decision, to lose the secure harbor. Couples separate, marriage get divorced, around 50%. If they have kids they stand alone, if it's not working. Some women are afraid of that thought. Whether it is correct or not, all of us know fears, the question is just, do I jump or not


I agree with GQ.. I've always had problems with people that don't have their own thoughts, that aren't brave enough to live how they want. My experience showed me-I cannot rely on them. As soon as problems show up, they run away; in that case it's true, there is nothing to talk about.

 

Those women have it rough when it comes to that topic of individual choice.

Their actions can literally mean life, limb or death.

I have seen stories of parts of India, where acid is thrown in the face of some women who try to leave their abusive husbands.

In parts of Latin America women who are hacked to death with machetes by a jealous partner.

Afghanistan needs no more explanations about the rights of women.

These kind of things make me wonder what makes any man think that shit is not sick and it often comes back to the cultural framework they were shaped in and the sense of control over women.