For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage

Do you think its as simple as that though? Hmmm something to ponder

 

I think you misinterpreted what I meant by "it takes work" or I didn't convey myself properly. I mean it in the sense that marriage isn't always in the honeymoon phase and it's not always going to be roses and puppies, so when the going gets rough, doesn't mean you run.

Trust, my parents relationship is very organic. If not, they wouldn't still be together this long.

I'm not saying don't have kids, but referring to the topic at hand. I still think that kids need structure and seeing both parents together is beneficial. Do whatever makes you happy.....

 

Yeah I read it and I don't its as simple as its being portrayed. And I don't think it applies to all who want to avoid marriage in that situation

 

Excellent post, as usual, Andreboba. I feel that I was so fortunate that my son grew up to be a hard-working, responsible, personable young man. He could so easily have gone a different direction. His dad was very absent from his life after we divorced because of his military career. My son sees his dad one week a year.

I agree with the bolded part to a point: If a person is single and deeply desires to raise a child, but has never found the right marriage partner to do so, but has enough individuals in his/her life to serve as role models or "surrogate" parents, if you will, I think it's acceptable to adopt or conceive a child by artificial insemination. Lord knows, there are many children in the foster system that would love a stable home with even just one loving parent and a supportive family. But like you implied, I think this should be a planned, well thought out process, not an oops.

 

GREAT POST!

 

I don't know what 'it' is.

There are cascading affects that happen to people who come from single parent households, especially the poor.

In the most impoverished communities, to raise a successful child you need at least both parents directly involved in the lives of their children preferably living under the same roof to counter what they're learning outside the home.

I've heard it described as having one kidney versus two. Yeah you can survive and live a productive life with one kidney, but your body won't function nearly as efficiently as it does with its allocated two.

Broadly speaking, the under 30 single parent phenomenon reflects a growing level of immaturity, selfishness and lack of commitment to one's responsibilities to themselves and others, which in aggregate terms is a downward cultural trend for our society.

For instance, I definitely wouldn't want the CEO of a company or an elected official to reflect these same values.

 

I guess I've also seen with my own two eyes double parent households are rarely as they seem. A lot of times just two people sticking it out for the kids. To me I think its better to prepare kids with a realistic view of the world. Relationships rarely workout and instead of searching for that one type of love your whole life seek fulfillment in other places as well.
But I guess this is another case of our ideals and experiences coloring our perception because I don't see anything wrong with wanting to raise kids without the burden of a romantic relationship.

 

I agree, IB. Romantic love gets you through the honeymoon phase. It's not always something you instinctively "feel." Love is a choice. Imo, anyone who says that love just "happens" and it's something you can't control, doesn't really understand love. Marriage is teamwork. Two people HAVE to learn to work together. Two animals, yoked together, must go in the same direction to make forward progress. That's what the "work" is in the sense that it takes work to make a marriage successful. You have two people with different views, thought processes, needs and desires, and they must learn to work with each other to continue being happy and move the relationship forward. It's when one or both chooses to go off on their own that the yoke is strained and eventually breaks.

In this day and age, where everything is about "me" and selflessness is viewed as an archaic attitude (much like chivalry), it's no wonder marriages fail.

Other relationships - friendships, family relationships, work relationships - don't depend so much on the teamwork concept, so it's easier to maintain those relationships than it is to maintain marital harmony. If your best friend wants to go blow all his/her money on fun but frivolous purchases, what do you care? You might shake your head and wonder what he/she's smokin, but you likely wouldn't care too much because it doesn't affect your bottom line. However, if your wife/husband did that, you would care.

 

Two parent homes CAN be destructive, but in the spectrum of society, it's more beneficial to raise kids with both parents in the home like Andre broke it down. If we were to do a comparison, two parent homes would win.

We'll just have to agree that we disagree....

 

This.

Single parents (if they work) aren't always around for the children. If a mother or father is working to provide the sole income for a household, it means that the household income level is lower (than most married couples) as well, which impacts a whole bunch of things for children like nutrition, education, even certain sports they play.

Working single parents don't often have the time to spend with their children, so after they figure the child's old enough to be left home alone safely, the child is 'on their own'. Sometimes leading to involvement with gangs and other criminal activity (Why should they make a modest living doing some crappy job, when they could sell drugs and be "da man" on the street?). Juvenile crime rates increase in the summer because kids are out of school with nothing to do... so no school and mom or dad off working, often mischief could happen.

To see numbers going how they're going is kind of 'scary' when thinking in terms of the future, who knows what'll happen then...

I'm in favor of long term relationships, and have seen many happy marriages that lasted. There's a lot of "fairy tale" romances in my family, helps keep that flame alive, so to speak. But, if numbers are going the way they are now, something may need to change. What exactly would work in the place of marriage, I don't know... but an institution like marriage cannot just be 'eliminated' from society, it needs to be exchanged with something else.

 

See I personally don't care about a leader's personal life because when people do it causes them to lead very phony lives. By making a certain family structure the only way to be accepted it cause people to pretend rather than entice more people of that ilk to lead.

I guess I personally see the damage of forcing a relationship. Most couples don't last and instead of that being the focus of a home maybe other things should take priority. And having a dad and a mom in the same house does what exactly? If you look at your typical nuclear family with two working parents. If you take into account the hours they work and the tiime the kids are in school they generally have about two hours of contact time provided they eat dinner together. So to me it makes more sense to keep up with familial traditions like family dinners and family outings.... you know what never mind to each his own I already see where this is going.

 

Maybe in YOUR world. This just isn't true across the board!

It's a sad day indeed, imo, when someone calls a romantic relationship a burden. :cry: I still say you have never truly been in love, my dear.

 

Props to you Nic! Great post!

 

'Relationships rarely work out.' -TDK.

ONE successful relationship outweighs the pain and heartache of a dozen failed ones IMO.
Just because it's hard to find one, or make one sustain, doesn't justify the position that 'relationships rarely work out'.

What you call being reality based, I see as someone who's become wholly jaded and pessimistic on the idea of being emotionally involved with someone else.

 

I have read that, indeed, there are (in the article I read) young women who DO look at government assistance as a "career" of sorts. It's all they know. Their grandmothers were single, living on welfare, their mothers were, single living on welfare and so they, in turn, were looking to do the same thing. Not exactly how we want to see kids following in their parent's footsteps or "taking over the family business!"

 

Thank you for breaking it down further, Ches. That's what I wanted to convey, but I took the short route...lol

I agree. We live in a very microwave and selfish society. It's the, "I want it yesterday" (instant gratification) mindset and like you said, a lot of people are selfish. Some people view mates as if they're easily replaceable. What you can't do for me, the next man or woman will. No one wants to work hard at something/anything these days. Why bother? (smh)

I agree with your last paragraph as well. You're like a sole proprietorship in those relationships...lol

Thanx, my Beckae Twin....

 

I think a lot of those statistics are off. For one what if both parents worked and worked the same hours? So you'd have a kid at home alone anyway. So the problem isn't necassirly two married people in the household together as much as it is contact time. And I think the idea of a support system has been abandoned as well. What happened to it takes a village. I had aunts uncels and my grandmother who were constantly watching me and my brother when I was younger and my parents worked.

And I don't think we can do away with marriage but reformulating it in some respects is necessary.

 

THIS!

(I think you can read my mind. What am I thinking now?! )

 

Stizzy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol