Divorce and Custody...

great idea! Most kids will choose the softer of the two parents which often is the woman. This isn't advantageous to the child in the long run. They need discipline and generally dads provide that much better than mom's. Kids are often more successful in life when raised with a father than a mother. The irony of the courts. Most prisoners come from a single woman household. and most of them are men.

just a little something something about why a father should have custody over a mother at least for boys.

 

cut me a break.

Majority of men in prison come from a single mother household. Your gender is part of you and influences you in so many ways including your parenting.
Yes, there have been a few success by woman but a lot more failures.

If you don't know how tough it is to be a man, how can you honestly teach another person how to be a man?
It is like teaching someone how to walk when you have never walked.

I don't know if you have a son or not but I have never met a woman who has had a son and not said some of these things. Most woman figure it out that if you don't have the experience of being a man it makes it difficult to impossible to teach a boy how to be a man.

Boys grow up to be men. They will look for a MALE role model because that is what they will become in the future. not a female role model because they will not become female.

 

pffffttttt at mothers being softer. ask any one of my friends, be them married or single, and you will find that it is the parent who is with the child the most (mother) that is the one that hands out the discipline and the father who is absent because of work or being a single parent household, that does the soft hand approach. i don't know what women you are around, or how you were brought up, but round here, it's the women who set the rules and dish them out and it's the men who get to play and deal with the good cop routine

 

highlighted part: from the moment children are trying to stand, there is a grown up holding their hand leading them and showing them how to walk. FACT. we also then, when they fall, kiss them, lift them back up and encourage them to try again. children are not born walking, they are taught. simple.

now i'm not, nor have i ever said, that men are not a vital and needed part in a child's life. in fact, i've stated how important my children's relationship with their father is and how i encourage and nurture that relationship. but please, for one second, never undervalue or estimate the value or work a woman puts into her children.

my son is intelligent, sensitive, thoughtful, caring, loud, adventurous, capable, inquisitive and boyish without a male around him 24/7 from the age of 4. he also knows how to make a bed, wash his clothes, wash is plate, get himself dressed, feed the animals, sweep a floor and do all those other "chores" that seem to be labeled a "woman's work" because of my guidance.

nothing is ever as black and white as someone would like it to be or appear

 

Once again this has become the battle of the sexes. I doff my hat to Ymra who has daughters and yet acknowledges he can't teach them how to be women, that's honesty right there. When we say a man is the best person to teach a boy how to be a man it is NOT to say women do a bad job raising raising their sons we are saying ideally a man should do that. I can bet my last coin that if a woman makes a statement to the effect that a woman is more suited to teach a girl how to be a woman, very few men would disagree or even try to give examples why that is not the case.

 

This may be true, but you need to back this up with some type of formal evidence. This goes for anyone who makes a general assertion about a population group.

 

There is a lot of poor sociological analysis at play here with an important variable not being considered. What effects a child's chances more than the absence of a father is economic inequality. A child who grows up in an impoverished environment has more obstacles to overcome than one who lives in relative affluence with a single mother.

Once again, I can't help but see all this "teach a boy to become a man" bullshit as backwards ass thinking that shows a lack of critical thought patterns.

Reassess your assessments.

 

LOL...you ignored the other part of his statement and just settled on the soft part.

 

You guys keep saying this but REALITY is against you. You look at group vs group.

children raised by their fathers
children no raised by their fathers

...and the children raised by their fathers..............(boys and girls)
out pace
out perform
out earn

...by every measurable means. So we can "My mother raised me" and "I know a person who" or "you can't say all" until will all are blue in the face. REALITY is that children raised by their fathers are far better off.

Why?

Because the example of which that boy is to become (good or bad)... because as I said contrary to popular EXCUSE I mean belief....a children from dysfunctional home still out pace those kids raised solely by their mothers.

You are a MAN, grow up where the strength, control, power, leadership.....of your home wasn't a man like you, but a woman.......you understand of what you should present is skewed. The idea that "we are all the same" is flawed.

If you are BLACK...and under the age of 40 changes are you were raised soley by your mother. So many of us truly have no concept of the term F.A.T.H.E.R. [must not have been needed as much because I turned out ok]. and that is the point I have been making. Society says Fathers simply aren't that important. Because women made unwise choices in men they chose to allow the drop sperm inside of them.

 

It sure has. WWvsBM.com

 

Personally, I didn't have your situation. I grew up with both parents. I can, however, understand where you are coming from. My mother also said those things to me. My father worked very hard and my mother utilized her children to do all of the chores as well as be her personal therapist for whatever problems she had. In addition, if things in our academic life slipped, due to the pressures of running a home and being therapists, she would beat the hell from us. Many years later my father said he was sorry because this all happened while he was at work. He feels like a failure as a father sometimes. I informed him that we (their children-turned-adults), turned out alright because of him. He always gives sound advice and will bend over backwards to make sure everything is OK. He informed me that he never wanted this to happen as similar things happened to him growing up (playing therapist to his mother, and having to take the responsibilities of an adult). He thought it was because his father wasn't there growing up. Unfortunately, your stories and my stories are very common ones these days.

 

I see. Both of my parents were disciplinary. The difference was that my mother did it because of stress and my father did it because we actually did something wrong. Reminds me of that Chris Rock Joke, "There is nothing more powerful than saying I'm Going To Tell Your Daddy", funny but true. I will say this, the women here are white, the men here are black, most of us BM have black mothers, and I can assume the WW here have white mothers. The Black Community has the Highest Divorce Rate, The Highest Single Parent Rate, and The Highest Single Mother with multiple children from multiple fathers rate (59%). So, maybe the argument is a product of differences in cultural norms (whether they are bad or good).

When this turned from a discussion into a gender war it showed me something. The ones who have had difficult times with their mothers versus those who didn't as well the fact that our arguments are products of two different cultures. If we forget that then of course we will spend our day disagreeing. Try telling France that their parenting model is crap compared to England. It can be said, but barely compared simply because it's apples and oranges. Two different cultures with two completely different experiences and methods for survival and success.

 

I do have one question that kinda spawned from this discussion. It seems that more and more, men are becoming submissive. With our generation and I'm assuming future generations, men seem to have lost the ability to lead or make decisions. At the surface we are shy with women, but dig deeper and you'll find that the shyness is actually intimidation.

Could this be a result of so many men being raised solely by their mothers?

On the other hand, you have men who womanize and value a woman based on what's between her legs.

Could this be a result of men being raised solely by their fathers?

 

http://whatblackmenthink.com/teach-me-how-to-love/

 

Most single parent homes involve the mother and child. The womanizing and or the submission, I have seen, have often come from those types of homes. I have also seen it come from parents with two homes. Some will womanize as a product of acting out issues with their mother or father and others will do it based on what they see as popular. Submission to the woman they marry or even dominance isn't necessarily the product of being raised by only one parent. It is a product, very often, of the relationship with the mother and or the father's relationship with the mother. That is the first archetype for a relationship. If the mother is overly dominating or breaks the child down due to stress in her own life the child may...

Become overly submissive to a controlling and demeaning verbally abusive wife due to the unresolved issues with his mother.

Become overly dominating as an attempt to regain control over unresolved past issues.

Womanize as he has learned not to put much worth in women

Become overly loyal to woman who do not deserve it

Or become perfectly fine in a perfectly wonderful marriage with wonderful children because he had a therapist help him resolve his issues...

Ultimately, it can go either way. But, many psychologists agree that the idea of a relationship comes from the first one you see.

 

I agree.

Families now come in all sorts of configurations. I have had the fortunate experience of working with families that varied greatly in culture and configuration. Based on my experience, the gender of the parent(s) usually doesn't matter much, if at all. What matters most is a parent's level of commitment to the welfare of their children and their family as a whole.

The world is always changing. The legal system doesn't always keep up very well.

 

cosign

cosign

honest speaking. cosign. observers can only speak from an observation stand point but their input is still needed. great post

exactly. its like a dog trying to tell a kitten how to be a cat.

 

when there are two parents in the home the chances of their social economic status (ses) can go to the next level. If that happens then they will be able to afford to send their child or children to summer activities that will increase their academic performances....thus will lead to the attendance of a college and then to a decent job or starting a business.

If they are divorced then the economic power suffers but if the father is active and not fettered by the mother, then the child will be able to perform well academically and just as important socially and mentally.

the father is the only one who dont have to guess in what it means to be a man. a woman is constantly trying to find mentors for their sons. They do it all the time innately.

little girls need thier fathers to see what a man is and marry them. Its up to the mother to woman-up and let a man do his thing by stepping to the side despite her feelings about the dude.

 

damn good point .....remember the metro sexual era. now they have dudes wear skinny jeans and sagging pants and movies that promote moistness (twightlight and the madea movies) . damn damn damn

 

How easy would it be, could we find out the reasons of any problem of society by only taking out one point. People in general are influenced by mothers and fathers (even if one of them is absent), but how many are raised by grandparents, in childhoods, adopted, in different families till they are grown-up, at the sister or brother and and and. The second point, where did they grew up, which mentality, which region, which level. Were the person in custody understanding and kind or abusive and aggressive, no matter of gender. When the person is a teenager, which friends were around, which education, which schhol. As a grown-up, which experiences did this person make with their boy-friends/girl-friends. We are never finished with learning.

Men in general don't have it easy, nowadays. They 've lost their leading positions. Women don't need men for living anymore, they cannot impress with money anymore, or their cars or their salaries. Women have the same, if not more. But this would be a chance for men that they are loved nowadays, instead of used, if a woman decides to be with him and to define themselves new.