how to make his hair really wide weavy?

I'm glad to see that, after some initial nonsense, y'all realized the OP was serious and just wanted some advice/suggestions on how to help her man. Some people really don't know how to take care of their hair (ask any hair stylist that), or how to wear it in an attractive style. Or they just don't want to be bothered with either one. I think it's cool that she takes the time to help him by brushing his hair (if he likes that) and is doing research to find products that will allow him to wear the style he likes.

I like to do stuff like that for a guy. I used to like to give my guy pedicures! He loved it and I enjoyed doing it for him. He shaved his head (which I loved) so no opportunity for brushing there. (He had a little chest hair that he would brush sometimes and I didn't like it when he brushed it. Naturally, they were tiny little curlycues which I adored!)

 

I'm confused - who was trying to change anyone? Or are you just speaking in general?

 

I wonder how cool people would consider it if their partner tried to change them in other ways, for instance, that he/she should lose weight, gain weight, change a hair style, dress differently, speak differently, become more educated, whatever? If any of these things are uninvited, IMO, there're attempts to make you more comfortable with your partner, rather than allow them to be themselves and accept them.

 

In this instance, I got the impression that the OP was merely trying to find products to help him keep his hair looking the way it does just after it's brushed. It's his choice of style, she was just loking for ways he could maintain it. Am I wrong in my interpretation? It didn't sound like anyone was changing anyone.

But I agree with your post , generally speaking. The only way I might disagree is in the area of weight loss. (And this is a touchy subject for me, so give me credit here!) If I was with someone whose health/life was at risk due to his weight, I would beg him to lose weight. I don't want to lose him. Selfish? Yes. But there you go. And I would be willing to do whatever I could to keep him healthy and alive longer.

 

I think it's sweet that her boyfriend was willing to let her help him and that she was willing to ask for some advice at the risk of being made fun of. Also props to everyone for not scaring her off and seeing that she was serious - I don't think she's really trying to change him - just wanting to help him look his best - if he didn't like a certain look, I'm certain she wouldn't force it.

I kind of like that wavy style - reminds me of Andre 3000 in Idlewild - very vintage if the guy has the right kind of clothing style to carry it off, it can be a super sharp and eye-catching look.

As for people trying to get others to change their "curly" hair to wavy, yes, that can be a problem... my mother is dismayed at my wild corkscrew curls I think, because she's not sure "where" they came from LOL. I refuse to straighten them often enough for her liking. It's hard to find products that will moisturize my hair and keep it healthy much less facilitate a straightening IF I wanted to... I have found myself wandering down the black hair care section, analyzing the products, wondering if there is a magic lotion that will moisturize my hair or be the answer to my problems, but I feel like people are giving me weird looks when I open up a container and smell it, or spend too much time there lol. I did accidentally land on the perfect shampoo and conditioner which I later found out is primarily sold in the black hair care section, but it's just great - it's the whole Olive Oil line...

 

That was not my impression, as she stated that he didn't "take care of his hair" before they were together. So, it sounded like something that was uninvited to me?

It's easy to characterize the reasons for wanting someone to change. Would you be less sensitive about your partner's attempt to influence your weight, because he was "concerned" about your weight and "potential" health effects as you got older? Would it be more palatable to explain to a partner that he/she should speak differently because of a "genuine" concern that the person might secure a better job, if only there was change of speak pattern?

 

I got that impression too.

If my partner rubbed lotion on my back or washed my hair in the shower I wouldn't take it as an affront to my whiteness. You guys need to loosen up a bit Jeezus. She loves her guy and is wanting to help him.

She said she preferred it cut super shot but HE preferred it this way but really didn't take the step to care for it and she is just trying to help.

And to all the people who nitpicked her over weavy and wavy.........she is German..........that means this is her second language.............so like Christine Dubois she is going to mess up. Have none of you guys ever learned a foreign language? I have learned three and I have interchanged words/fucked up in all.......it's easy to do because not every language is like English. SMDH. Why all the rudeness over the misuse of one word? Cut people some slack.....not everyone is a troll.

 

Thank you both. You totally got the point and thank you for your support. I don´t really care so much about the "hater" comments; I know that I am doing this because he really likes to have his hair longer and taken care of- why would I not help him :smt102 ? I am happy when I come out of the shower and he brushes my long hair too because it is hard for me to reach them as they are getting longer. Is he trying to change me? No, he just helps my hair stay healthy so that it can become longer.

 

Ok, I can see how you might interpret that as her wanting to change him. But perhaps he just didn't know how to best take care of it or didn't want to be bothered. She didn't really explain how they got to the place they are at.

As for your other question, yes, I would be less sensitive to my partner's concern over my weight if, and only if, it was due to a genuine concern over my health. If it was simply for vanity's sake, or if he's embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm not a size 4, that's a problem. If that's what he wanted then he should've sought that out in the first place. (I realize it's different if you marry a slim woman and she gains weight...that's a whole different ball of wax.)

As for the speech issue, if my partner was having a tough time getting a job and I suspected his speech might be affecting that, I would have to know him well enough to know whether that was something I could bring up with him. If he was truly looking for answers as to why he was being turned down for positions where his manner of speaking mattered, then yes, I would broach the subject. As an admin assistant, my manner of speech has always affected my job. For instance, I speak much differently on the phone at work than I do when I'm with family or friends. My conversational speech is different than my job-speak. But for someone whose manner of speaking is the same whether on the job or off, that could be a problem in some professions (especially if they are prone to using alot of slang and/or profanity.)

I agree, though, if you just want someone to change something merely because it doesn't suit your taste, that's selfish and unfair if the other person is happy and content with what they are currently doing. However, it's not bad to make suggestions. If I think my guy would look great in a certain color, or I think he might look good with a little facial hair, or I notice his skin looks a little ashy and needs moisturizing, I see nothing wrong with suggesting something. If he declines or is content with the way things are, then so be it. I need to respect that.

 

Sure.

Are you German or Austrian? I may have not remembered which but knew that you speak German and your BF is learning it.

 

I absolutely co-sign this! Jordan, tried to rep you but have to spread the love around before I can. Can I just say, I adore you! ! You and I think so much alike.

 

LOL. I tried to rep you and tell you I love ya. I must put suck up to webmaster for ability to give more rep on my list of to do's. This not being able to give rep is annoying.

 

This is what his hair looks like:

 

Just had to do some educating first on the notion of 'nice hair'. That is a big issue in the black community, at least it was when I was growing up. When I began to grow my hair out at my old job, they made a big deal of it and it became an issue with HR. Many blacks reject the thought of having to treat or straighten their hair for it to be nice or acceptable.

That said, for waves.... unless you're with him 24/7, he will have to get in the habit of constantly brushing. When I started my waves back in HS, I put a lot of sportin waves in my hair and then brushed to the point where the waves began to form. Unless I was going out in public, I almost always had on a du rag. Hell, even in public I'd wear it.

 

Thanks, Jaisee, for clarifying. One thought though: I don't necessarily think nice or good hair means that you have to do alot to it. To me, nice or good hair is hair that looks healthy, not neglected and is cut or styled attractively, not a hot mess, like the person could care less what he/she looks like.

I do want to comment on the bolded part above. I have seen this stated a couple of times since joining the forum, that this or that is an issue to a black guy or the black community as a whole. As a white person, if I haven't had alot of contact with black people, I wouldn't know this, nor might someone else who is just beginning to date BM. So when the girl who started the thread indicating that she was interested in dating black men and could she get advice, someone (perhaps you) wrote something to the effect that dating a black man is just like dating a white man, except he's black. Well, that's not true and this whole conversation is testament to that. In a sense, yes, men are men, no matter what color, nationality, etc. But obviously there are issues that are a big deal to BM, that alot of WW may be totally ignorant of.

I, for one, appreciate the education. I can't be sensitive to something I don't know is an issue. But I do wish that some (SOME) of the guys on here wouldn't assume that we know these things.

 

It shouldn't take a rocket scientist to understand that foisting your views of beauty on someone are wrong thinking...wow...

 

If your comment is aimed at me, beauty and looking well kept are two diffferent things. You can be homely as all get out and still be presentable by being well-groomed.

 

And, if your comment was directed to me, who's determining what's considered "well kept" or "well groomed"? Those are arbitrary terms that are based on one's personal view or perception, much like differing views on physicality.

 

put on a stocking cap then get ready to be in a line up for a crime that happened three states away