Help! How do I talk to my sister about her racism??

My little sister is 19 and grew up extremely sheltered (homeschooled, religious parents, small town). She is extremely attracted to black men (it runs in my family I think- my grandma and I both are as well) but some of the things she says about pretty much every non-white race are pretty shocking and offensive. I love my sister and don't want her to get her ass kicked. How do I talk to her about this without making her get defensive and tune me out? She's not a bad person she just has some wrong ideas about how the world works. I don't want to shame her - I want her to change. Any suggestions and comments are welcome. Thanks for your time.

 

Well...let's start with some basics:

1) What sort of comments does she say exactly? Paraphrase some examples.

2) Has she ever dated black guys and been outside?

 

1 - honestly I'd prefer not to repeat what most of what she says. I don't want to spread hate. She talks a lot of smack about all races. The last thing she said was something about how black men are only interested in drugs and money. She said she was joking but I don't think so.

2 - yes. So far one white guy and one black guy (who broke her heart). She said she is only attracted to black men now

 

lol If that how she feels, that's just how she feels...

I'm sure she isn't foolish enough to say such things in a public setting all willy nilly.

 

Sounds like a maturity issue with her, a lack of real world experience about what is out there in this world.

How would she know black men are about drugs and money, sounds like something acquired from a hip hop video diet about what being black is.

Just let her know the world doesn't work that way. You judge people based on their own actions, not those of anyone else. There is no one size that fits all in dealing with others.

Seems like she just has some growing up to do as far as her mentality of relying on stereotypes.

 

I truly hope not. She tends to lack that filter. At the family birthday party for our grandma (who turned 90) she yelled "ha ha you have cameltoe" at our cousin.

 

Great insight GQ. I think you are right about it being a maturity issue. The fact that we grew up in a very remote isolated area doesn't help. There isn't much diversity up in the far north.
I will definitely talk to her about judging individuals by their own actions - you put it very succinctly. Thank you

:smt058

 

I say, let her find out for herself. No matter what you say she won't believe it without evidence, and she needs to get her arse into the real world to find that. You can't protect her from everything, so let it play out.
Just make sure you object, gently, everytime she says something racist. Don't be rude, just counter her comment with a fact (or something like that).

It might also be worth throwing some stereotypes and racism at her (gently). Like, if she's blonde....tell her she must be dumb because all blondes are dumb, right? And then say tell her how all this relates to what she thinks (about stereotypes and the real world).

Hope that makes sense.

 

Makes sense to me, Sin. But then...I'm blonde. ;-)

 

Poison her, something nontraceable.

 

Honestly, I never understood how one can be attracted to a group of people, but still be prejudice toward them. It's inconceivable to me.

 

It does not make sense.

Pele, why are you trying to protect her? Maybe that is her problem. At her age she is old enough to know better and she probably does. Maybe you need to let her "get her ass kicked".

 

The world can be a strange and ignorant place indeed.

 

Easy, by narrowing your range of appreciation.

 

Word....But she does sound immature, then again she's only 19. Who uses the word cameltoe in front of their grandmother.