"12 Reasons women can't stand Nice Guys."

I am in a committed relationship, yes. But, in general, I do date women. I'm not sure why that's a difficult concept to grasp...

Anyway, I have also had long term relationships with women.

And OH REALLY? Women aren't as sensitive with women as they are with men? LOL!

I have news for you. Women are sensitive. Period. And if they care about you, and you do something to hurt their feelings, they're going to be 'sensitive' with you over it. And you're still probably going to hear the words 'if you don't know why I'm upset, I'm not telling you' at some point- it doesn't matter if you have girl parts or boy parts.

 

Another one who makes me wish they had a bigger eye roll emoticon lol.
1. Said nothing about relationships I was talking about dating two totally different frontiers.
2. Like I said dating in terms of females vs females and men vs men are a different animal then the male vs female perspective.
There are societal impressions of male female interactions that aren't the same as female female interactions so like I said you CAN NOT tell me anything about dating women. Maybe dating you perhaps but no women. And even if you dated a few girls in college you still wouldn't scratch the surface of the experience most men have.

 

You do?!?!


ahem.

Baby, you look tired. Must be because you been runnin' through my mind all day.

 

toronto is the largest city in canada and well known in the fashion industry as the "milan" of canada...all the major fashion designers put on runway shows just like they would in NYC & LA

 

Well they don't appear to be the label whores that I see running around NYC(capital of fashion on this side of the pond maybe the world)
I guess you'd have to live here to get it I guess. The major fashion schools are out here too. Fashion is a fricking culture here all year long not to mention everyone here is trying to be a star of some sort.

 

awwww...different type of fashion...keep in mind i said the "milan" of canada...trust me they are wearing labels...carefully chosen...refined...classic...not as trendy...disposable...actually that is one of the most difficult things to chase in NYC is the fashion trends...very expensive to keep up...

 

OK, yes, dating the same sex is different, but very much the same. And since you haven't dated the same sex, and I have, then I have a little bit more experience comparing the two, wouldn't you say? lol

And Yes, any woman with a decent head on her shoulders can tell you about dating women. The problem is, ya'll don't listen, or you don't do what we said to the letter, and then you complain that we were wrong...when the fact is, ya'll don't want to put in the work. Until you do, you whine and cry about relationships not working. It isn't until you meet the person you're finally willing to work for that you understand that we were right.

But, you can't speak to that one either, because you haven't met her yet. You will though. Just don't fuck it up.

ROFL. :smt060

I was just reading about this, so I figured I'd share because you mentioned it!

The top 4 fashion capitals (listed in general order, not necessarily by rank)...

1. Milan, Italy
2. London, England
3. Paris, France
4. New York City, New York

This year, London is ranked #1. They rotate because they're pretty much 'The Big Four'.

Anyway, kind of cool.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming!

 

So by your horseshit logic once again women know all and men just don't listen? lol sure ok. Same sex dating isn't the topic its about men and women but once again you have to be the "authority" who has to educate the group. Talk about not listening. And once again I thought the were talking about dating but not relationships. I could be wrong but that seemed to be the general flow of conversation lol. And when you keep referring to whining about relationships are you speaking about me specifically or men in general because I don't recall "whining" about relationships but dating which I said before are two different animals all together.
I have never messed up a relationship before things happen as I'm ready to handle them and to me love isn't work just my natural inclination. My relationships with every other person in my life that I love isn't work so I doubt it will be with someone I choose to build a life with but hey that's just me.

Surprised you didn't list Tokyo to that list. They kill it out there.

 

Calling bullshit on the article. Women do like nice guys, that's why all the actual nice, articulate men are taken.

The problem as has been stated by other women in this thread is that there are men who may or may not be 'nice guys' blaming all their issues with women on being 'nice guys' rather than taking a good hard look at their behaviour. I'm sure every woman on this forum can give multiple examples, but for me it can be summed up in one word and that word is creepy.

It doesn't matter how nice you are if you're socially inept(sorry). In life there are social norms and social boundaries and if you're a self-described nice guy and yet women don't want to date you, this is the first place you need to be looking. I'm sure I'm coming across as a complete bitch here, so lets take an example of a 'nice' but creepy and obnoxious guy:

Guy I worked with. When I started the job, nobody liked him. I was confused by this because he seemed like a genuinely nice person, so I was my usually friendly self at which point he decided I was A) interested in him and B) going to be his gf. I repeatedly made it clear neither was true and he repeatedly convinced himself otherwise. At the height of my exasperation with the guy I was reduced to telling him to fuck off. At which point he was still telling work colleagues we were in some kind of relationship while I repeatedly told him and them we weren't. He was socially inept and my initial attempt at friendliness led him to believe I was interested in him romantically, even after I repeatedly told him I was not. Every social cue was telling him no, but he would not get the message. This is not an isolated incident. I do believe it is partly that being nothing special looks-wise, they assume I(or any other plain woman) should be flattered by the attention. He was also very bitter(understandable, because he must have been through this situation a thousand times without thinking 'hey, maybe this is me!'), sarcastic and easily offended

Same workplace, different guy. Overly religious, but also genuinely the nicest person I ever met. Followed social cues, was smart funny and friendly without being remotely creepy or making assumptions about other people's feelings. Everyone there adored him! He got married a few years ago and I'm sure a few hearts broke in the process.

It's just one example of one type, but it clearly shows the problem that was highlighted in the article. You can be as nice as you want, but until you are capable of reading social cues(and learning that no means no btw!), you will fuck it up every single time.

I'm not aware of men having this problem with women, but every woman I know has complained of it at least once. Honestly, I think men are better equipped to deal with unwanted attention in some respects but also that women as a whole don't do this! Few women upon being rejected by a guy they're friends with think 'He's clearly in love with me, I'll pester the shit out of him until he gives in.'

Honestly, none of your friends is going to tell you if you're doing it, you need outside opinions or to work it out on your own, but the problem is never that a guy is too 'nice' it's that they're nice with issues that make them undesirable. I don't think anyone on this forum acts this way, btw, I'm just so fed up of this 'no-one likes a nice guy!' crap. Everyone loves nice guys, no-one likes people who can't/won't follow social cues and it's not helping the situation when people say 'Oh, Jim, you're just too nice!' when what they mean is 'Stop being so fucking creepy, Jim!'.

I am a human being, I have the right to dislike you for whatever reason I choose, if I say no, it means no. I respect your right to be who you are, but if you're consistantly getting rejected, take a look at you, not me and stop whining about how 'nice' you are. I'm sure I've said it before in other threads about looks, but seriously, the first thing you need to look at if you're having issues with relationships(with women, friends, your boss, etc.) is your own behaviour versus everyone else's. I do think rromantic films have a lot to answer for because the 'cool' person always catches on and falls for the 'geeky' friend, but in real life, that guy is still creepy, that girl is still not your type, no matter how many other shitty relationships you have.

((sorry for being ranty, but holy crap. This thread, my life.))

tl;dr: social skills are important.

edit: Just to confirm, I'm not talking about you personally, DK(you seem perfectly fine socially, if you're getting fucked over relationship-wise, it's ones you're in, not ones you think you should be), but in general when men complain about being too 'nice' this is the kind of situation they're talking about.

 

THAT was a fabulous post, I owe you a rep when I can rep you again. You've articulated this very well here.

I read a very interesting study recently which indicated that men *are* capable of reading those social cues, with very, very few exceptions, but the Nice Guys we are talking about just refuse to do so with women. I don't know where they get the idea that pestering a woman is going to change her mind rather than make her think he's a creep.

I guess it's the same place some guys get "I'll just wear the little woman down until she agrees to fuck me tonight" and don't recognize what's wrong with that.

 

First of all bitch please. We've seen pics of you, you're anything but plain. You're very pretty.
Secondly I don't get where you guys keep getting the idea that I have problems with relationships. I've never complained about that once. Maybe the cost of dating but I don't have a problem meeting and banging women. I agree some guys have to look at themselves and stop pining for someone who doesn't want them but I do want to see responsibility taken from women whether consciously or unconsciously give these men false hope. A lot of women love the attention especially if they aren't getting it often so they'll allow the "friend" to take them to dinner or ask them to do boyfriend like activities but no sex.
I have female friends who admit to that kind of behavior in the past. I admit I was probably friend zoned as a teenager but as a grown person I just can't imagine a scenario where I would pine over anyone. People just aren't that great to me.

 

Women are the ones promoting the fuck out of that scenario. Look at any romantic comedy, read any romance novel and its chuck full of guys being persistant with a woman who is essentially saying no all the time. It's suppose to be romantic. What they don't tell you is you better be the hot guy they want to fuck anyway lol

 

I hate romantic films so much, haha. No-one male or female ever looks at someone they were physically repulsed by and changes their mind and if they do, it's because they're settling and who wants to be the sad weirdo someone settles for? way to set expectations low, I'm sure that's the route to eternal happiness

Completely agree with you that some women do this, but there are those of us making it clear where we stand and things are friendship-only and still having to deal with this crap. And even when women are leading them on, if all your advances are rejected, it's not that you're too nice, there is another reason you aren't seeing. Anyone leading someone on is an arse, but it's still time for personal reflection.

Also, lol, not implying you suck at relationships, apologies if it came across that way. &wasn't fishing for compliments either, more like, if I looked like this, I might expect a little creeper action

 

I find it very amusing to watch chick flicks, because I sit there and think about all this "romantic" crap they show...If you think about it, the same "romantic" shit that makes you go "awwww" can also be interpreted as creepy and stalkerish, depending on whether the person on the receiving end is receptive to the action or not.

Consider the cliche of a guy hopping up in front of a crowd to serenade a girl (usually horribly off key)...if the girl is interested in the guy, then it can be a sickeningly sweet moment.

If the chick isn't interested, though, and it's really just a guy who can't take no for an answer, well then it becomes a moment to consider restraining orders.

I have a friend who's been in love with a person I know for a long time. At least 4 years now, from my count. She isn't remotely interested, though, and finds his actions completely abhorrent. From his perspective the things he's done to show his affection are sweet, and I can see it that way, too. But from her perspective, she's told him countless times she's not open to such advances, and she finds it quite unappealing. Depending on how one views the situation the feeling behind it can be polar opposites. If his life were a romantic comedy he'd be married with 2.5 kids by now, but she views it more as a situation that may have to be handled by the police eventually.

 

I'll rep her for both of us in the meantime.

 

Thanks, IB, I appreciate it!

 

Check out who writes, directs and casts most of the rom-coms.

Not taking no for an answer is not cute, it's not amusing or charming. It's creepy and stalkerish, and when sex is in the picture it's called rape or extorted sex at the very least.

 

You're welcome...

 

Exactly on the money here. :smt023

 

Who writes casts and directs those movies is completely irrelevant. Who makes movies like the Notebook and TItantic popular? It sure isn't men. And I seriously resent how you always try to shift responsibility/blame back to men. Women make these kind of movies billion dollar successes and while I'm not trying to absolve crazy men from their part all I ask is that women who promote this idea of romance take responsibility too.
Amd while you don't think its amusing or sexy there are women who want the guy they're interested in to just show up at their job and whisk them away. There are a lot people both men and women who can not discern fantasy from reality.

One of the most "romantic" scenes in all movie history is when dude from Say Anything is standing outside of her bedroom playing the song they had sex to for the first time and this was after they broke up. Shit like that is fricking creepy to me but one persons creepy appears to be someone elses romance.