"12 Reasons women can't stand Nice Guys."

Whew, heavy stuff there, sounds like its that first relationship that was way deep and set you up on that path.

 

Yeah - not sure if the first guy was a "nice guy" or not, just know that he's on his 3rd "marriage" and getting walked all over. Glad I got out while I did - he was very passive aggressive, controlling, and borderline abusive. He always blamed women for all of his problems. Bad boys looked very appealing after 10 years of that.

 

I haven't read any of the replies in this thread, but I can't stand the whole "nice guy" shit. I'm sorry, but there's a difference between being nice and not having a backbone. Then there are guys who label themselves "nice", but maybe they're lame or they lack confidence, charm, looks or the ability to interact with women. Maybe they're being "nice" to the wrong woman. I've seen that happen oftentimes too. If you can't attract the opposite sex, somethings wrong with you. There's someone for everyone. Not everyone can attract an abundance of the opposite sex, but if you can't get someone who's on your level characteristically speaking, then check the mirror.

 

Saint Augusta pointed to a phenomenon well known in feminist circles - he's called the Nice Guy <tm> because he isn't really nice. I've talked about him before. He doesnt get laid as often as he wants, and assumes any woman who turns him down is frigid, a lesbian, a bitch, or a slut. He uses his "niceness" as a way to get laid, and doesn't understand that this isn't really being a nice person, it's being a PUA and pretending he isn't. He whines about how awful women are, how they only like "bad boys" and don't know what they want.

The thing is, they DO know what they want, and it isn't him. Rather than looking at the common denominator in his failed approaches to women (himself), he blames women-in-general for his problems.

Given a choice between spending an evening in bed with a Nice Guy <tm> who is pretending to be nice to get into my pants (and who more than likely is also a selfish lover who sees sex as a commodities transaction - put in x compliments and get out pussy), and a bad boy whose approach is direct, simple, amusing and makes no bones about what he wants, I'm likely to end up either with the bad boy for the night if I'm in the mood, or going home alone - I sure as *hell* am not going home with the Nice Guy <tm>

 

They still haven't made an eye roll emoticon big enough Trix.
I agree some people are nice to get what they want but that's a common human trait, but I do love how you continuously see nothing wrong with people men or women who consciously lead people on it. A lot of women just like the attention and then act surprised that dude is upset that they ignored his advances. Personally I think its corny and dudes dumb enough to actually listen to women about what they want get what they deserve but let's be fair. There's enough blame to go around.

 

Post like this is why I say men are better off saying as little to women they want to nail. There are no magic words or actions that will get a woman interested. She knows within 2 minutes. After that you just need to not fuck it up.

 

So glad you're here to tell us women what we want, otherwise we'd never get dates! LOLZ

 

I didn't say I thought leading people around was a good idea. I was specifically pointing to one type of guy, who tends to label himself as a Nice Guy in capital letters (spoken or written).

A lot of younger women, and I know you tend to deal with more in that age group, really suck at letting a guy down easy - they are embarrassed, feel like it's rude (we're taught to be nice to everyone as kids) and ignoring his advances and hoping he'll get the message and go away seems like an easier road than telling him straight out. It's wrong. I did it once, and I felt terrible about it (I think I was 18 or 19, the guy was in his 40s)

When I speak on topics like this it comes not only from observation and philosophy but experience. I think the kind of nice guy you're talking about and the kind of Nice Guy I mean are a little different. Your nice guy is hanging around a woman he likes and getting shuffled into the friend zone and doesn't know a way out. The Nice Guy I'm talking about isn't in the friend zone, this is more or less a first approach and attitude thing.

But let me ask you a question - if you felt you were being put in the friend zone and didn't want to be, would you say something? Would you rather a woman tell you outright "Dude, you're a nice guy, but no way am I fucking you ever?"

 

See, here's the thing...

women are, in general, turned on by a man who knows how to have a conversation, treats us like equals, and makes us laugh. The less you say, the worse off you are.

But...if you're an asshole, we'll know it because we're talking to you- so, we're not sleeping with you (unless we figure we can deal with you for a one night stand and use you right back). If you don't talk, we don't want to speak to you, and we certainly won't sleep with you. Simple.

Still don't get it, do ya?

 

:smt115this pretty much sums it up for me as well

 

I'm sorry if is this coming off like the popular girl in school vs the nerd, cause I know there are some men who aren't good with women, socially, in some or many instances, just like some women can't attract men. You're given certain attributes and characteristics and then you have your looks, all you can do is try to become the best that you can be.

I agree with your last sentence. I know I feel it in the first meeting....lol

 

I really appreciate you explaining things to me clearly. It makes it so much easier to have a meaningful dialogue. And I believe you are correct in your assumption of the kind of nice guys we're addressing.

Well I'm at an age where I don't have the patience to be friend zoned. I actually don't want to make anymore new friends, I'm great with the family I have now but when I was younger being upfront would have been the best thing because I don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't want me back. But what I wish more people would be open to giving and taking helpful criticism. Like I hate that it took me nearly a decade of dating to figure out that dating is superficial, love isn't but dating is and you can't approach that shit like its not a competition. At least when you're younger. But I would have been too hard headed to hear it. So I guess that's the catch 22 but I do think fast and direct is the best way to go.

 

I don't know if I agree with your premise. I was always taught to have the idea that if a Girl doesn't want you she wasn't good enough, not to look in the mirror if you feel you can't attract someone or that I lack a backbone. American Girls, especially in the North East, are some of the Biggest Snobs in the World (Don’t make things, any, easier). If you're a Nice Guy it's better to date European.

“When will Girls realize that Nice Guys Finish First, Not Last.”

http://www.facebook.com/LakersFan10

 

First of all I never told you what women want I just say they commonly don't know what they want see the difference? Maybe it's something that comes with time but like I said previously I've yet to ever know a guy crying about not being happy and not knowing why, not being able to give a reason for being discontented. Like I said these are my opinions.

And you don't need to know what you want to get dates just want men want and since we are such incredibly simplistic creatures its not hard to figure out what we want to get us to take you out.

 

I agree with you regarding your first sentence, but that's the way to move on and say fuck you to whoever wasn't/isn't interested etc., but if you're always coming up short, c'mon now, do you mean to tell me something you're doing isn't assisting you? Could it be you could have the things I named, but I also said, you could be being nice to the wrong woman. I'm sorry, but once shame on you, twice shame on me. Something I'm doing wrong if I keep coming back with the same results.

Regarding the "nice" part, I simply explained how people misconstrue the two words and they're not interchangeable. In addition, a lot of these guys who label themselves nice, aren't that nice. There are some who fall into victimhood with that ideology.

Well, I've been down that American vs European women road on this board many times, and I used to say, if you can't get a woman here, you can't get it anywhere. Like they wouldn't catch on to whatever issues you have with women here? Then I retired my thought process and said, well, if you can find love wherever, then I wish you nothing but the best.

 

Dialogue about stuff like this is wasted on you for one simple reason. You don't actively date women I do. You may be a woman but you can only speak for yourself and I know you'll "well my friends...." people continuously lie to their friends that's why so many women are baffled by the dumb shit their friends do because its not consistent with what they say they want. I'm not saying women don't end up with charming charismatic men but I do notice through my observations and experiences the less you say the more successful you are.

I hate that you imply there's something I'm missing about dating when in reality I've always done well. I don't know where you get the idea that I don't. Because I'm not in a committed relationship All that proves to me is I haven't found the right person to commit. Settling is the worst thing you can do.

 

I always say some people's hay day was in their 20s or 30s a lot of people find in their 40s and 50s.

 

There's something to be said about what's appreciated in other cultures. Dark skin has all of sudden taken a different turn in this country. While I was in Jamaica a lot of the natives hide from the sun in fear of getting darker. Other American tourist (black folk) were actually tanning. That shit floored me no lie, so you can't simply say you have issues here that would transfer else where. That whole someone's trash is another man's treasure is so real. Ask fat ww who travel to the Caribbean and Africa.

 

It depends when they blossomed or if they were a late bloomer etc. I'm talking in a social sense. Some people have their time of their life early on and some later. My parents are in their 70s and 80s and they're extremely social. I mean they were social back in the day, but now they're popular around their hangout spots.

I know for me, when I started interacting with boys, they were outside of my school. Guys would be all cool, flirt and even harass me, but no one was interested except one guy. I was definitely a late bloomer, yet I felt like an ugly duckling. It's funny how my HS school crush would flirt with me, but didn't pay me no mind romantically throughout. One day a few years later, my friend was going on a date and he asked me to go out with him so we can double-date. He asked me out one other time too, I declined. I had a few other guys from back in the day try to talk to me later on. It's funny how things happen.