14 yr old Jamey Rodemeyer commits suicide after being bullied because he was gay

I cannot believe this wasn't brought up here, considering how prevalent it's been on the news.

This one hit close to home because this kid was from my hometown.

Jamey Rodemeyer was laid to rest this past Saturday, and more than 500 people attended the funeral to support the family. Lady Gaga, on Saturday night, dedicated her iHeartRadio performance of the song "Hair" to Jamey as well. (The first minute or so is where she talks about him, which is worth watching.)

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And as if this could be any more sad than it already is... the Rodemeyer family has reported that the bullying continues after Jamey's death. His older sister, Alyssa, endured bullying out in the open at a school football game that she attended.

As a result of this, Lady Gaga has announced that she wants to meet with President Obama to discuss making bullying illegal. I think this is a great start, however, it's not ultimately going to solve the problem. Until people consider the power of their words before they speak them, we will continue to lose gay teens for absolutely no reason. I've been thinking about this poor kid, and just as it was the fault of the kids who bullied that little boy, and others' like him, it was everyone's fault that no one stepped in for the following reasons:

Every time someone refers to something negative as being 'gay', they're contributing to what killed Jamey.

Every time someone 'jokingly' calls one of their friends 'a fag' as an insult, they're contributing to what killed Jamey.

Every time someone tries to defend marriage as between a man and a woman as the ONLY acceptable way to live, they're contributing to what killed Jamey.

Every time someone knowingly sends their kids to school, fully aware their kid is a bully, they're contributing to what killed Jamey.

Every time we, as a society, allow the kind of environment to exist where kids are cruel to others, and we don't do anything about it because 'kids will be kids', we're contributing to what killed Jamey.

And that's just part of it. I hope the Rodemeyer family is able to someday find peace after this horrible tragedy. I hope the people that contributed are brought to justice. I hope bullying is made illegal, and I hope that the very real problem of homophobia is brought to light, because it, like racism, can kill.

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(Don't worry Tony, I don't expect you to read this.)

 

Beautiful post, Huntress. My sister is gay - thankfully, she was strong enough to stand up for herself... I was a victim of bullying, though not over being gay, just for being "different". Bullying is a horrible thing to endure and I do hope that something is done to make it punishable by law in some way. I especially believe that gays should have the same rights as everyone else (to marry and, as President Obama has enforced, to serve in the military without hiding their identity).

People should most definitely watch what they say when it undermines other people's self worth and makes their lives a living hell - hazing and humiliation online and in real life should not be tolerated in any form, and parents should be held accountable - to realize that they must watch for signs in their children...whether their children are the ones being victimized, or the ones doing the victimizing...

So sad for the needless loss of this life...if only he had felt that there were somewhere safe he could go, that someone would put a stop to it! Hopefully steps are being taken now to spare future kids from this needless suffering and the need for an early escape...

 

Thanks, SA. I was bullied too, as a kid, so I can empathize. Fortunately, things like Facebook, Formspring, and MySpace didn't exist. I didn't have a cell phone back then. At least once I was home- I was safe. These poor kids today have no escape, and to THINK that kids are still bullying his sister?! I'm horrified. And disgusted. And disappointed.

 

So sorry you endured it too. But look at you, you're a Huntress and I'm a Saint :} because of what we went through... in some ways it made us stronger...

As for the ongoing bullying against his poor sister, who's going to crack down on it - when/how is it going to end once and for all??? Something has to be done, a petition for a law like in the Troy Davis case - surely there is enough passion that can be generated to pass a law, and quickly, or do they have to wait until the next "session"? Could the family get some kind of restraining order?

 

It happened at a football game at the school. Authorities were called, but by the time they arrived, the kids responsible had dispersed. The district is working with authorities, but as a former educator, I can understand the powerlessness they feel, too (not defending them- just saying, I've seen the other side, and I get the frustration!). Williamsville North has one of the toughest anti-bullying policies in Western New York....it's completely zero tolerance, but it's tough to police if you don't see it! One of my friends was a long-term sub there, and she had Jamey in her class. She said they're trained to watch for things, and she never saw it. Kids get really creative about how they carry out these sorts of things.

There's been discussion on the FB page made in his memory about volunteers going to the school for upcoming events to support his sister. Wearing all white- things like that. Most of the people on that group are parents, and many have kids in Williamsville North. If nothing else, this case, and the attention from Lady Gaga, will really be a catalyst for change. People are really tired of kids dying for no reason. As a community, many people are on the side of the Rodemeyers...I hope the parents of the kids who continue to bully his sister are put up on charges with their kids, though.

 

I don't mean to sound selfish, but I just can't read shit like this.
Way too depressing.

 

I agree it is depressing.

But ignoring it isn't going to make it go away.

 

Wonderful post, DB, thank you.

 

Gotta start teaching these kids some self esteem

 

It's bigger than just a self-esteem issue. That's such a small part of it.

 

Thanks, Pixie.

This is something that hit me hard, for many reasons. I think I finally 'had it' with kids committing suicide. I'm working on something now that I hope will help.

 

That's what I see when I see shit like this. Self esteem issues from the kids who have nothing better to do than torment some kid for being gay and the one being tormented letting those assholes get to them. Truthfully the kids who are actually dating and doing stuff like clubs and sports don't waste time with that shit. Its always another loser trying to gain points with the "cool" kids who do shit like this. At least from what I've seen and experienced.
Everyone gets teased I just think we're all so emotional at that age that hits a lot harder.

 

This wasn't just teasing, DK.

This was kids telling Jamey to kill himself to his face, because the world would be better off without him.

This was kids telling Jamey that everyone hated him, and they were disgusted by him. He should just off himself. What's the point in staying where no one liked you anyway?

That's NOT just 'let's make the geek feel bad and pick on his glasses!'. This is not the teasing that some kids went through in school when even we were in school, this is a whole other level of horrible. And I blame the parents as much as I blame the kids who bullied Jamey to his death. And it's not just the gay kids. Too many kids are committing suicide. Too many. And it's too big to sit back and say 'teach the kids self-esteem'.

 

Truthfully that was common in my hs since it was all boys. No one held back ever. Kids can be straight up assholes. I could tell you stories that would make you cringe but like you said earlier at least you could go home and shut the world out in your room but now they keep it going with social networking.
To me where self esteem comes in is I value my LIFE so much that I'd rather tell an adult before letting them talk me into taking mine. I know at that age its difficult to consider that but I think that's where teaching kids you count, you matter, and you deserve to be here as much as anyone comes in. They are so lost at that age and need to hear that.

Those kids shouldn't have done what they did but he should have spoken up as well. Its sad all around because I'm sure they're going to be brought up on charges.

 

They should be brought up on charges. As should their parents.

And again with the victim blaming! 'Sorry you're dead, kid, but man, you should've said something. Them's the breaks.'

Until our culture changes, all of the self-esteem in the world won't change it.

This isn't just 'kids can be assholes'... and it's not just self-esteem. It's everyone's fault Jamey died. It's everyone's fault that Phoebe Prince, Raymond Chase, Tyler Clementi, Felix Sacco, Alec Henrikson, Billy Lucas, Selth Walsh, Asher Brown, Raymond Chase, and Caleb Nolt died. It's everyone's fault that countless other kids, teens, and young adults commit suicide. Because we refuse to do anything about it, or we don't know what to do about it.

Or, heaven forbid, we are adult bullies that teach our children to do the same. Forgetting to teach them compassion and humility, and that strength of character takes a lot more *strength* than being able to bench press 200lbs to push the nerdy or gay kid around the playground.

 

I don't consider it victim blaming I call it empowerment. Difference of opinion I guess. I just look at things and think what can I do to change things for myself rather than wait on someone else to come around. Btw every movement that got things done including the women's movement didn't happen because "society" decided wow we gotta do something, it happened when the oppressed said fuck it I'm not gonna take this and spoke up. Its the only way its ever worked. You have to fight back if you want to be taken seriously.
And you're dreaming if you think what parents teach their kids makes that much of difference. People are usually dicks in packs and even more so when they're young. One thing I have always noticed about bullies is they only go after those they know they can get away with hurting. I'm not saying it has to be a violent free for all but to some degree the kids have to stand up for themselves too.

I get there are tragedies but to me this kind of thing won't be changed by any movements. Now if we want to save these kids we should be more focused on the crap that passes for food these days at their schools. That shit is killing way more kids than bullying.

 

I think especially for kids who are learning about who they are still - this shit seems to start in middle school - and who discover their sexual orientation is "different," it can be a very hard thing to deal with. We live in a society where being gay is no longer as hidden as it was when I was a kid, but where acceptance has yet to happen in many areas. So these kids get called out while they are still coming to terms with their sexuality, having doubts about themselves, etc. and as you noted, kids can be vicious to those they think are different. It challenges the bullies sense of themselves to see someone different, as well. Add in the fact that some families are also still not comfortable with having a gay child, and it's a recipe for disaster.

 

Oh yeah that's why I totally advocate self esteem training. Find things you're good at and love. The outside world seems to have less power over you when you have other things to focus on than assholes trying to make your life suck. Same thing goes for the bullies. The kids focused on shit they love and are good at don't normally do that shit. Growing up the kids who put the most energy into bs like that had very little else going on.

 

Thanks for the post! It was so sad

I CANNOT believe in 2011 we are still concerned with sexual orientation.

Who cares what people do in their bedrooms.....and that is what it comes down to.

So what if a guy likes to suck cock?

So what if a guy likes to take it up the ass?

I know SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many straight people whose bedroom hijinx would FREAK people out....but it is somehow ok because it is man on women sex.

I love my gay friends...they have been in longer relationships than I have !

You are born how you are born. I like black men.....some men like black cock or just cock in general........big fuckin deal! Kids DO NOT NEED TO DIE FOR THIS!!!!!

 

That's not why they're dying. They're dying because they are being shamed and shunned for being different from the "norm". If it wasn't this it would be something else.
Lord of the flies anyone?