Ladies Would This Win You Over

At the end of the day, was everyone present all around smiling? Yep.
Were there racist or complaint blogs all over the net for inappropriate or un-PC behavior by him to her? Nope. Score one for IR. :smt063

 

Exactly that goes in the win column in my opinion

 

Like Tam said, if the two people involved are okay with it that's fine. You asked if it would win the ladies over, and clearly it would with some, and it wouldn't with others. The small room approach is all that would work for me, the public approach, no matter how well done it might be would have zero chance of working, regardless of the man trying it. As stated I don't find that respectful, nor would I consider that showing appreciation. Appreciating and respecting someone does not involve grandstanding for your own benefit, or publicly putting someone on the spot. I think if you plan to try that you might want to ask some of the intended victims friends to make sure they're not really put off by that sort of display. Also, whether this involved an IR couple or not is immaterial to me, it's just something I find distasteful.

 

That's comparing apples to oranges, Kuno. Online interaction isn't face to face, so it's not the same. If someone says something you don't care for, you can easily put them on ignore... you don't have that option when they're standing in front of you. I believe it's the very public nature of what this guy did that some of us find distasteful.

 

I agree, and I certainly wouldn't do it either as I would consider it lacking in tact. I wouldn't want to embarrass someone that I had a real interest in, as opposed to someone garnering a kiss from a celeb. I think the downside would weigh against considering this form of attention as something that would be welcome by most women. But, that's my opinion.

I also find serenading to be an apples and oranges comparison as well. Most often serenading is to a group, and doesn't focus on a individual. In most of the cases when it's individualized, it's invited. I can tell you from personal experiences that on every occasion that I've been in a restaurant, and a roving musician asks if he could come and serenade me and my date, my answer has been no, and my date ALWAYS thanked me.

 

That's not true - we have a a gorgeous couple right in our midst who met face to face and show often their love for each in their sexy, adorable ways online as a result! And myself and other members lap it up (even some who ripped into this guy. lol).
Have you ever met anyone off here and whom serenades you online, too...and you positively respond? If so, how is that any different?

You are entitled to dislike this guy's style, Espy. It's actually not surprising since you stated that you dislike receiving flowers, or even gifts.

So even though you find fault in a man who likes to send flowers or give gifts, I don't think being mortified aptly applies to those displays.

I think some here may be forgetting that the people involved are young and we all did crazy and embarrassing things for crushes when we were that age.

 

To a group? You need to look up the definition of serenading. The focus is always on the individual..not "a group"??

"...In the oldest usage, which survives in informal form to the present day, a serenade is a musical greeting performed for a lover, friend, person of rank or other person to be honored..."

 

I wasn't speaking of anyone meeting offline, I was specifically addressing those that haven't, as I believe that's likely more representative of the majority of regular posters. However, using the example you offered of one couple from the forum who has, that's also apples to oranges as they aren't strangers, which is apparently the case with this young man's public display. I also agree with Swirlman that it's not serenading, that's not something I think of as taking place in front of large crowds. That may be how some people would describe it, but historically it wasn't a crowd sport in broad daylight, in front of a camera.

I also never said I find fault with a man who likes to send flowers or give gifts, I said I don't care for that. I understand that probably the majority of women consider those nice gestures, or even expect those sorts of displays of appreciation, and if that's what they like then that's their deal. To each their own. As I said, if both parties like that public display sort of thing, that's fine. I just don't care for it, and wouldn't date someone who tried that with me, and I didn't like it when I was younger either.

Relationships are very private matters to me, and they always have been, so public displays of any kind are out. I can't see that as anything but a way to draw attention to yourself, and if that's what someone is about, I will have no interest in them. And yes, that's just my opinion, as it relates to me. If you enjoy such public displays, or you equate that with appreciation, have at it. I merely answered Andrae's question, as did several other women and it appears it's about 50/50 on whether that would be appreciated or not. Everyone is different, what works for me doesn't have to work for you.

 

Edit please lol

 

Terribly sorry, babe. I corrected that.

 

I know its each to his own, that's why I responded to your post to me to explain that I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from based on the reason you gave - that you don't like any gestures that are not private, one on one...
It seems what he did is some serious red-flag stuff to you, "deal breakers".... but to me, like I said, it ain't that serious and in fact, can be quite sweet. *shrugs*

--
Interestingly and a side-bar, getting married in the traditional sense is done in the public eye of one's friends and family to declare to the world the couple's eternal love and commitment.
(and before the debbie downers (and david downer) comes running to post "that's why some elope, yada yada", it's why I wrote traditional)

 

You are correct that traditionally marriage is a spectator sport, and I did have a church wedding in front of family and friends, because it was what the families wanted and I do tend to be very traditional about things involving family. Had it been solely up to me, I would have just had the two of us and the minister there, but I would still have been married in a church. I feel the same way with pretty much all ceremonies, baptism for instance, though that typically also involves spectators, I refused and did that alone. I also skipped my graduations because it's not my thing. I guess I'm just very private about everything, part of that is I don't feel it's anyone else's business, and part is that affirmation or support aren't something I need or want. I do understand that a lot of people like the group thing, and I think that's fine. I just really don't.

I suppose it is something I'd consider a deal-breaker, though I never really thought about it like that. Fortunately I'm very upfront, and most men are pretty smart so if you tell them that's not your thing, they tend to listen. The key people in my life know better than to try something like that with me. I don't hate flowers or gifts, it's more a matter of I don't need anything that I can't provide for myself, so I don't like other people to waste their money on me. For the record, I've received flowers quite a bit, and I've never refused any of them... though a few I didn't keep, I didn't tell the person sending that, as I would consider that rude. So flowers wouldn't be a deal breaker, but the public displays thing absolutely would.

 

Actually, you are wrong, and you should have looked further than a definition that suited your purpose.

According the Merriam -Webster online dictionary, note the following:

a : a complimentary vocal or instrumental performance; especially : one given outdoors at night for a woman being courted

As it reads, you can clearly see that the qualifier, especially, by implication suggests that the term is not exclusively applied to a singular person, though often is used in to convey that thought.

If further evidence is needed, you might also refer to usages of the term, serenade.

Serenaded by the sounds of the natives smashing down the shanty town nearby, we headed for the bar

Serenaded by the music from the central bandstand.

Serenaded shoppers at the wharfside last week.

 

Dude stop. You tried to make it seem as if serenade was only done for a group and she called you on it.

 

So true, Kuno. I know I like to be appreciated, publicly or privately.

 

agree. but watching what he did really did make me cringe. i felt that familiar feeling i get when i watch an episode of the office...

 

You are guilty of the same lack of reading that you often claim to identify in others. I never made the statement you are suggesting, assuming that serenade applies to a group only. My point was that it applies to both. I'd have assumed that you consider me smart enough by now to understand that I knew an individual could be serenaded...I have proven my point in the same that she attempted to prove hers, through facts. But, it flies in the face of your acceptance. Very well..

 

I've always thought that marriage is such an intimate moment that it ought to be just the couple. Maybe with the presiding official in another room, over a speaker phone ;-)

 

Fair enough. You have more than proven that you are intelligent on this forum and should have been given the benefit of the doubt fam.