What type of lover are you?

Because love and sex are so intertwined in our society, when I took a human sexuality course we spent some time discussing the different ways people love. These were originally coined by a man named John Lee in the 1970s, and there has been much discussion on the topic since. I found it interesting to learn about when I had the class...really, it was one of my favorite electives, and if I ever have the money to go back to school I'd like to study human sexuality in more depth. Only as a minor, though, since I don't plan on being a "love doctor" haha. Ahem. Anyhow, here are the 6 "colors of love".

One doesn't have to be one type of lover throughout their whole life, or even through a single relationship. Love evolves (or, I suppose, devolves at times) and therefore the type of love expressed and felt can change as well. Some people are even mixtures of the 6. From my understanding, these were just based on common threads in survey answers, so one could assume there could even be more types out there.

Here's the link to the full article I borrowed these from:
http://valarie-king.hubpages.com/hub/Understanding-Different-Types-of-Lovers

 

I would think most people are blends as you suggest, DH. However, I think some of those characteristics can change depending upon the person you love. Sometimes someone provokes something in you that you didn't realize was there (like the discussion you and I had on tantric lovers), and that can be good or bad. I know which one best describes me in my opinion, but honestly it's probably more accurate to ask someone else to identify that, as people who are the object of one's affections are likely better qualified to rate that, and some people are incapable of being truly honest with themselves, either thinking better of themselves, or worse.

 

Oh, I completely agree. It's hard to be impartial when dissecting our own personalities and motivations, because often what we see, and what others perceive, are not actually the same.

It reminds me of a certain pair of cards in my favorite tarot spread. One is supposed to explain how you see yourself, and one is supposed to be how the world (meaning other people, obviously) see you. Sometimes the two cards coincide, though they never truly state exactly the same thing. There's always some deviation between the two, and I think that rather accurately describes the way it really goes.

I think it comes down to the more idealized way (or, in some cases, the more harsh view) in which we see ourselves. We want to be certain things, but it's not always what we actually are. I'd say this is especially true in relationships, honestly. There are so many facets, even amongst situations that seem, on the surface, to be straight forward, that it can warp even the most level-headed perception of the relationship at times.

To further expand on the notion that these things change, I can see, from my past two failed relationships, that I was in two distinctly different categories. Now, in my last relationship, I was aware of only some reactions on my part that were all that different from the one before it. With hindsight, however, I see things that I did that put me in a completely different category than the one I actually thought I was, with a few dashes of others for color.

I've also seen articles depicting these categories as stages in love, with relative explanations for each. Eros, for example, being the stage often experienced at the beginning, the "honeymoon" period of great sex and physical bonding, Storge in long marriages when it seems more habit than love anymore, etc.

I think both ways of looking at it can apply, but really I think it's just helpful in the process of personal examination and insight. If one finds themselves in a category they'd rather not be in, awareness is the first step in molding reality into their perceptions and what they want of themselves...

It's also helpful if one can be honest with themselves and accurately gauge which category suits them most, because it can pinpoint certain types one should avoid at all costs. Like Agape and Ludus...when someone in agape falls for someone in ludus, it can be dangerous and unhealthy. The ludus seeks to possess, and take, while the agape only wants to give. Or a ludus with a manic...it just spells "slashed tires and stalking" to me. lol

Eh, anyway, I just think this kinda crap is interesting. Thanks for replying, you know I adore your insight and wonderful conversation!

 

:smt042 :smt042 :smt042 Love your sense of humor DH!

You are right though, extremely divergent personalities run the risk of burning each other out. So I think honestly assessing and understanding yourself is key to tempering the areas where you tend to overwhelm, or ramping it up in the areas where you underwhelm.

I also enjoy your insight, and I love how thorough you are. It's always nice to read someone else who doesn't strive to keep it to 2 sentences or less.