The Negative Thread

eye of the hurricane right here

 

Dude, seriously we "past our prime" ancient crones are telling you it was NEVER like this for us. What you see in the media is just that, media...anything to talk up a headline, and a lot of those studies are evo-psych crap. They assume "facts" not in evidence, and the studies are constructed to prove already concluded ideas.

When I was in my "prime" I married a man who made less money than I did at the time. I dated me who made less, who made more...hell, some of them I had no flipping idea what their income was. Yes, I would disagree that when looking for a mate to raise children with that biceps and money are what counts. What counts is empathy, intelligence, loyalty, things like that. LOYALTY is what makes a man stick around and help you raise kids. Not money. Even if you want to evo-psych that and say it's a man with "resources" that does NOTHING to assure he's going to stick around, take care of the kids. Loyalty does. Love does.

Considering we know that women's work with agriculture contributed most of the calories of the diet to ancient humans, a good hunter was a pleasant addition, not a survival mechanism. The guy who stuck around? He was the gem.

 

:smt038

 

You fight so hard for your limitations, you're going to keep them. Think outside the box. If every woman you know is looking for the 'wrong things' or the 'same things' maybe the issue isn't so much that all women are like that as that you are only attracted to women like that.

And maybe that's worth examination.

 

Well, those women in their 30s are "past their prime" if you look at women as cuts of beef.

Hotter is a relative term. Guys need to remember that, past about age 19, they cant keep it up ALL the time. They have to actually *talk* to a woman occasionally. A women you can have mental interplay with can be much hotter than one with perfect tits once you actually talk to her.

Hmm..perhaps it's the seeing women as cuts of beef that's contributing to the problem.

 

With all due respect, TDK, fuck you.

Like Pixie said, I have never considered money when evaluating whether or not I wanted to date someone. NEVER.

THIS THIS THIS!!!

After husband #2, I had to take a huge amount of time away from dating. Why? Because I was attracting men who were controlling and they seemed to have been getting worse. I knew that I had to fix myself first because I was in the unique position, now, of dating with a child. Husband #2 scared the crap out of me and I knew that if I continued down that road, I may not get so lucky next time, or worse, my daughter would not get so lucky next time.

Sometimes you HAVE to stop and evaluate yourself and the vibes you're putting out there. Sometimes you have to look inward and figure out if you are subconsciously doing it to yourself.

It took me a LONG time to figure out what my issues were and how to fix them. And I'm still fixing them (I call myself a work-in-progress), but this time around I'm armed with the ability to see the red flags that I ignored all of those times in the past.

I really think you should start focusing inward and figuring out what is making you attracted to or attract these types of women. It might open your eyes to an amazing group of other women who are kind, loving and want to be with you because they actually want to be with YOU.

And as others have said, maybe start looking elsewhere for a woman. Long distance relationships suck, but they don't always have to be long distance.

Seriously, please think about what we have said to you. Really think about it. You might find some of the answers within yourself.

 

I kicked a puppy today....not hard... it was more like a nudge with my toe...it's still negative.

 

:smt011

 

Really Bookworm, be honest.

How old are you? I'd like to know.

Also, you do have to consider money when dating someone. I say this because at the very least, if you advance the relationship a step further, you need an amount of money that enables you to sustain a living. You have to be able to pay the mortgage, gas/electricity, car insurance, phone bill, Verizon, etc.

We might be going into a double-dip recession (hopefully you know that) so it's harder for everyone to make ends meet financially. Money is even more important now, compared to when we weren't in a recession. It also means in the workforce, we have to work harder for less benefits, incentives and rewards.

 

Yes, really, Mikey. Money has never entered into the equation for me. The only job-related criteria I've ever cared about is whether or not he has one. It doesn't matter what kind of job, but he should be gainfully employed.

I will NOT be one of those women who dates an unemployed guy who moves into her home and plays video games all day. He has to be motivated to do something with his life.

39. And like I said, I've been dating for over 20 years and not once has salary ever entered my mind when wanting to date a guy. There are too many more important things I'd rather have in a boyfriend than how much he brings home every pay day.

Like I said, if he's gainfully employed, that's all that matters. I can support myself and my daughter and I've always been able to support myself. So, it doesn't matter how much money he makes.

Agreed. If a guy I'm interested in dating is currently on unemployment, but he's looking for work, I'd consider dating him still. But he has to be motivated to find something. And no, he won't be moving in with me. LOL.

 

You're mean sonny. :-?

 

Agreed. My experiences on the East Coast, Manhattan, and New England are completely different. I've always told people how amazed I'm with the openness, friendliness and aggressiveness, lol, or women in those areas. I have had more women, in their prime, lol, approach me in those areas than any other area I have ever visited. I've met wonderful people, I've been easily taken in their circles, and money or status has come up in discussions, only as a point of fact.

I completely agree that people will have bad experiences and as a consequence they become jaded. Their point of view changes as they create new reality and find ways to justify their realities, "studies", conversations with equally jaded people and chasing after the wrong people.

They often make the problem worse not realizing that their problems lie within and not with others. They assume that changing the demographics of their potential partners will solve their problems, a younger or older partner, a partner of a different race, a partner from a different country.

The reality is that if you can't find a partner within the dating pool of people you have more in common with culturally, you won't find it outside of that group of people, especially if you look to the cultural and language differences inherent in pursuing someone from another country.

I always advise my friends to have realistic expectations about a potential partner. Understand yourself and what you bring to the table and look for a compatible partner with whom you can build a long lasting relationship, rather than blindly pursuing an unrealistic dream. That's no harsh, it's a reality.

Anyway, that's how I see this issue.

 

Well, what is the backup plan in case there is a job loss? I heard on the news recently that Bank of America was laying off 3,500 workers and HSBC was laying off about 30,000 workers as well. Where would those workers move/transfer to? Or would they have to file for unemployment benefits while they continue to look for another hiring opportunity, which is difficult?

 

I for one have planned for that as I think everyone should. I have enough money in the bank to live on for quite a while if I have no job. I do not owe any money. I have no credit card debt.

And if I needed to I would waitress, clean hotel rooms, work night shift anywhere, bar tend do anything that was legal to earn a paycheck. I would probably do a number of them all at the same time.

I DO....I don't complain and I don't make excuses!

 

And to add (yes, I am a wee bit pissed off)

I am sick and tired of all this past their prime bull s*&^

I am fairly confident that if I was walking down the street with my hair down, make up on, and a pair of jeans on, half the men on here that are posting that shit would be sucking their their teeth, giving me the "Hey baby where you going" or just plain old whipping their heads around to get a look at my ass as I walk on by! How do I know? Because it happens to me every god damn day!

And that my friends is real talk!

 

Mikey, if you spend your life worrying about the "backup plan" with potential dates, you're doomed.

Life happens. Shit happens. I sure didn't intend to get Multiple Sclerosis and end up not being able to continue to work in my career at 52, I can tell you that. And I seriously doubt any man I've ever dated thought "But what if she gets MS in 20 years and can't work full time?"

Shit happens. You deal with it. When a guy I was dating years ago lost his job (He was a free lancer, and the contract was canceled) and couldnt immediately find another one, I let him move in with me. He was back working in a month.

You cannot cover every contingency life might throw at you when you look around the club checking out potential dating material.

 

I have to wonder, Ms. Chai, if there's been an upswing in the past her prime crap since I showed up. If so, I'm sorry. I can't tell what happened before.

Maybe I should just go sit in my rocker and learn to knit instead of posting.

 

Hahahah Don't You Dare! There have always been a few on here that tossed that nonsense around. They just seem to be more vocal about it now!

 

What cracks me up is that IRL the guys, black & white, who seem to be attracted to me are all 10-20 years younger than I am. Clearly they're not seeing the past my prime stuff. Maybe because they aren't buying a side of beef, but looking for a woman to connect with intellectually as well as physically?

Nah...that's just silly. Who'd actually want to TALK to a woman??

 

Yeah girl you tell 'em! :smt067