DEBATE-Is it okay to hang out with your ex when you are in a relationship?

So, in an attempt to be good since my break-up, I have been staying in and having my friends over instead of tearing up Boston. . The other night my best friend, who also is newly single, and I were watching TV and happened upon Basketball Wives, we decided to watch as Chad Ochocinco was on there. Here is the sceanario:

Chad is engaged to Evelyn(who I hate), but had lunch with some woman he was previously involved with. Evelyn "happened" to drive by and see the dining duo. She questions Chad on what he was doing and who he was with. He tells the truth. She says that he is engaged and should cut off ties with other women. He says no he should not have to that because he isn't doing anything wrong. In her oh so classy way, Evelyn states, "Bitches don't care".

My friend thought Chad was right. I thought Evelyn was right, but NOT for the reason she said. If feel that it is disrespectful to hang out with your exs when you are involved with someone else because you should respect your current partner. The exception being if you share kids with an ex. Thoughts?

 

I thought you said you were done fuckin' up.


It's ideas like this thread that will keep you fuckin' up.

 

Well, I think if Chad is going to do that he should invite Evelyn or it looks suspect.

 

Yeah....I'm a bit bored

 

:smt043

 

As I've said before, the difference between a partner who cheats and one who doesn't is not opportunity, it's honor.

I have several exes that I still love dearly as people - but I have zero romantic/sexual interest in them. One of them has a girlfriend who is totally freaked out by him even emailing me - I'm 2000 miles away, and as I told her ages ago, if I were still interested in him, I'd not have moved out here (we ended the relationship when I moved, though he's been out here a couple of times since).

One of the other guys I'm still quite close to is married to a woman who used to be horrendously jealous even of his female coworkers. That's why they broke up while they were dating - her jealousy. He and I hung together for about a year and a half, knowing it wasn't going to be a permanent thing, but really loving each other as people. Eventually, they got back together, and in the meantime, she'd grown the fuck up, gotten some therapy, and gotten over her jealousy. She and I became friends. At their wedding, she took the time to pull me aside and tell me she was sorry she had ever wasted time and energy being jealous of me, and that she was glad I was in her husband's life. I cried. She's a doll, and she totally gets that what her husband and I have is *nothing* like what they have, it's a completely different animal. I'm really glad, because I adore him as a person. And I'm thrilled he's married to a terrific woman who is secure enough in herself to trust her husband, herself, and their connection. I have come to love them both, and I'm glad they are both in my life.

 

I thought you said you were done fuckin' up.


It's ideas like this thread that will keep you fuckin' up.

I am done fucking up. I said that is it NOT okay to hang with an ex. The excpetion being if you have kids and are forced to see the person. In my opinion, you are subtly telling your current partner you still feeling someothing for the ex and that is NOT OKAY.

 

I think in life and relationships when you are about to act........you have to say to yourself what if this were turned around how would it feel if it were done to me? If you would be ok with someone doing to you what you are about to do to them.........then go for it. :smt102

 

I get what you are saying Pixie. I just would not do it because I respect my partner's feelings too much. And what do I have to say to an ex? I have other friends KWIM?

 

In this case, his partner's feelings are fine, she's come to value having me in her life too. In the case of the other guy, I respect his girl's wishes and we keep our distance when they're dating (off again, on again with them). I miss his friendship, I spent longer with him than any other man, I think, and he knows me well. But it's *his* issue to work out with her, not mine.

I wouldn't get seriously involved with a man who felt he could not trust me - I have never been unfaithful to anyone, and I'd take a suggestion that I would as an insult to my honor. Different strokes.

 

cut off all ties with women........no
cutting off ties; Hob knobbin' and shit with a woman you used to fuck.........yes

 

I think it's major disrespect to the finance. If your not ready to put the past behind you and move on with your future then you need leave the future and keep living in your past.

 

Of course it is - in my books. I'm not the jealous type though and don't find jealousy endearing in my partner either.

 

Agreed.

It's only the ex's that should be cut off. I, personally, think it's disrespectful to still socialise with your ex's when you're in a new relationship. I wouldn't do it to my man and I don't want him to do it to me. There's too much history and emotion involved when dealing with ex's. It's dangerous territory and best avoided, IMO.

 

This^^
and goes both ways I might add before someone asks

 

i think it is wrong.. it is ok to talk when you see each other just because to happen to meet, and be nice and even have a laugh .... but make a date to hang out together no

now if you have kids together that is another story

 

I'm giggling a bit because the one ex I would *never* want to speak with is my son's dad. Thankfully, I haven't had to do so in over 5 years.

 

let's jaisee this.

agreed, i think it extends past the "new relationship" bit as well though.

absolutely

as i've stated numerous times in the past here, my ex & i get along & i deliberately grin and bear some of his crap just so i can keep the peace. We only ever speak to discuss the children and only ever get together socially when the children are involved (bbq's, birthdays, christmas)