Last Names and Marriage

The Dark Knight said:
And if someone were to say women who fight so much to keep her name are women so cold and bitter and use to being alone they don't believe the relationship will ever last so why go through the headache of changing their last name. Would that be messed up?

Just don't get married if your individuality is that important to you.
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Marriage/relationships are a partnership. You should always be able to be an individual in a partnership. I would hope that I could go off and enjoy my hobbies and friends WITHOUT my husband/boyfriend/fiance, just as I would hope he could go off and enjoy his.

It's not about individuality, it's about IDENTITY. That's very different, and you can't seem to grasp that.
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
I was asking an honest question about why you are the only one who gets to have perks....and you come back trying to insult me because you clearly have issues with the value of women in general?

'Falls into that situation'?

I must've hit a nerve. :)
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I explained my position and my critique was directed at how unyielding you are. You don't budge on anything ever even if you're dead wrong. So I maintain my previous assertion. GOOD LUCK TO WHOEVER FALLS INTO THAT SITUATION.
 
The Dark Knight said:
I explained my position and my critique was directed at how unyielding you are. You don't budge on anything ever even if you're dead wrong. So I maintain my previous assertion. GOOD LUCK TO WHOEVER FALLS INTO THAT SITUATION.
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I will tell my boyfriend that you said so. I'm sure he'll be entertained. :)
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
Marriage/relationships are a partnership. You should always be able to be an individual in a partnership. I would hope that I could go off and enjoy my hobbies and friends WITHOUT my husband/boyfriend/fiance, just as I would hope he could go off and enjoy his.

It's not about individuality, it's about IDENTITY. That's very different, and you can't seem to grasp that.
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Your identity changes when you get married. If you want to engage in the "tradition" of marriage then I don't see why not embrace all of it or just don't do it if you think your identity will be threatened because right now your identity is DB super feminist who travels and when you get married and/or god forbid have kids you become someone's wife someone's mother. Your identity completely changes from what you knew it to be.

I honestly think your apprehension comes more from a fear of things not working out but thats just my bs 2 cents
 
I've been married twice. I took my husband's last name both times.

After divorce #1, I changed my name back.

After this next divorce, I won't be. Why? Because my daughter has the last name, and because I'm actually on IMDb as my current last name.

Were I to get married again (if that ever happens again for me), I'd likely hyphenate my current name with the new last name. Though I haven't really thought much about it, since I'm not even dating anyone at the moment. LOL.

You can still change your name, but keep your maiden name in the professional sense. You don't have to change your work email address name, or your business cards, etc.

I still have a credit card in my maiden name that I NEVER changed over. LOL. Who cares?

I just think people need to relax and look at situations with open minds. You CAN have both...
 
The Dark Knight said:
Your identity changes when you get married. If you want to engage in the "tradition" of marriage then I don't see why not embrace all of it or just don't do it if you think your identity will be threatened because right now your identity is DB super feminist who travels and when you get married and/or god forbid have kids you become someone's wife someone's mother. Your identity completely changes from what you knew it to be.

I honestly think your apprehension comes more from a fear of things not working out but thats just my bs 2 cents
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If things don't work out, divorce is not impossible. Simple. I'm not afraid of things not working out- if they don't work out, they don't work out. Shit happens.

People know me as *me*. Professional organizations as well as foreign colleagues and friends know me as *me*. People I went to college and high school with know me as *me*. I am ME first, so-and-so's wife SECOND, and someone's mother THIRD.
 
Bookworm616 said:
I've been married twice. I took my husband's last name both times.

After divorce #1, I changed my name back.

After this next divorce, I won't be. Why? Because my daughter has the last name, and because I'm actually on IMDb as my current last name.

Were I to get married again (if that ever happens again for me), I'd likely hyphenate my current name with the new last name. Though I haven't really thought much about it, since I'm not even dating anyone at the moment. LOL.

You can still change your name, but keep your maiden name in the professional sense. You don't have to change your work email address name, or your business cards, etc.

I still have a credit card in my maiden name that I NEVER changed over. LOL. Who cares?

I just think people need to relax and look at situations with open minds. You CAN have both...
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Careful Bookie that makes sense lol
 
andreboba said:
There's a point to this question, trust me.:smt080

How do the ladies feel about wearing makeup??? Perfume??
Deodorant??

If the answer is, 'yes I do', tell me, does wearing makingup/perfume or deodorant 'define' you as a person??
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no, not at all because i don't wear makeup every day...or the same polish colour...deodorant is a hygiene item that i can't live without just like a toothbrush and toothpaste...perfume, lippy has 25+ different bottle of perfume...not necessarily a signature fragrance like my grandmother had...i like to switch it up...try new styles of clothing and shoes...keep up with the trends...constantly reinventing myself to stay current in an ever changing industry...i change my hair colour all the time and my hair grows really fast so i have the luxury of trying different haircuts too...

none of these things define me and i could easily give them up or change the brand or colour at any time
 
Bookworm616 said:
I've been married twice. I took my husband's last name both times.

After divorce #1, I changed my name back.

After this next divorce, I won't be. Why? Because my daughter has the last name, and because I'm actually on IMDb as my current last name.

Were I to get married again (if that ever happens again for me), I'd likely hyphenate my current name with the new last name. Though I haven't really thought much about it, since I'm not even dating anyone at the moment. LOL.

You can still change your name, but keep your maiden name in the professional sense. You don't have to change your work email address name, or your business cards, etc.

I still have a credit card in my maiden name that I NEVER changed over. LOL. Who cares?

I just think people need to relax and look at situations with open minds. You CAN have both...
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This is true. I'm talking about changing my legal name to a married name. I don't mind if friends/family call me by a married name, but I prefer to keep my maiden name for professional/personal reasons. That's why I told the stories about the friends I have who have done various things with their names since their marriages.
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
Nope, but we've already had the marriage, kids, name change conversations. He knows I'm a crazy liberal feminist, and he's a conservative republican- and we appreciate that about each other, and we don't fight about it.
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Oh brother again there isn't an eye roll emoticon big enough. You started dating a couple of months ago and you're judging how you'll feel and think about topic based on shit said during the honeymoon stage? Good luck with that my friend lol.
 
The Dark Knight said:
Oh brother again there isn't an eye roll emoticon big enough. You started dating a couple of months ago and you're judging how you'll feel and think about topic based on shit said during the honeymoon stage? Good luck with that my friend lol.
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Oh DK, pay attention when I talk for once. lol I'm not rehashing the timeline of the relationship on here, but you missed a huge piece apparently. lol
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
This is true. I'm talking about changing my legal name to a married name. I don't mind if friends/family call me by a married name, but I prefer to keep my maiden name for professional/personal reasons. That's why I told the stories about the friends I have who have done various things with their names since their marriages.
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So was I. You can change your name legally and still go by your maiden name in a professional sense.
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
Oh DK, pay attention when I talk for once. lol I'm not rehashing the timeline of the relationship on here, but you missed a huge piece apparently. lol
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I read what you said and you're using a relationship thats survived the same amount of time as a season of Dancing With The Stars to support an argument that men don't care about that kind of thing. Gotcha. We're on the same page my friend.
 
Bookworm616 said:
So was I. You can change your name legally and still go by your maiden name in a professional sense.
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From my experience this is the most common route professional/entrepreneurial women take.

If you've spent over a decade establishing a business centered around your name, it can be a professional liability short term to go through the process of changing your name.

So for personal matters you take your husband's name, and professionally you keep everything the same.

However, professional women do change their name too, it just depends.
 
andreboba said:
From my experience this is the most common route professional/entrepreneurial women take.

If you've spent over a decade establishing a business centered around your name, it can be a professional liability short term to go through the process of changing your name.

So for personal matters you take your husband's name, and professionally you keep everything the same.

However, professional women do change their name too, it just depends.
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Yep. I'm just pointing out that the option is available. It's not set in stone that if you change your name when you get married, that EVERYTHING has to be changed with it.
 
The Dark Knight said:
I read what you said and you're using a relationship thats survived the same amount of time as a season of Dancing With The Stars to support an argument that men don't care about that kind of thing. Gotcha. We're on the same page my friend.
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So, the conversation we had about it 6 months into the relationship has no bearing because at that time, we hadn't officially decided to call each other 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'? Well, that's silly. But whatever. To each their own. lol
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
So, the conversation we had about it 6 months into the relationship has no bearing because at that time, we hadn't officially decided to call each other 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'? Well, that's silly. But whatever. To each their own. lol
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Wow a whole six months? You crazy kids sound like you're gonna make it. Send me a wedding invite. I'll send a card lol
 
The Dark Knight said:
Wow a whole six months? You crazy kids sound like you're gonna make it. Send me a wedding invite. I'll send a card lol
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lol, I said 'at six months' I didn't say where we were now, jackass.

And this from the guy who dated whatsherface for what, three months, and said he was in love- only to have her stalk you on here? ;)
 
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