So yea... nice guys finish last. Either that, or their lady is taking full advantage of his kindness and making him her whip-it boy.
there you go. nice guys are really called simps. because they are just outright pushovers and let women walk all over them.
And that's worked out *so* well for her. Like I said before, the fascination with bad boys tends to wear off pretty damned quickly for most women, even those who like them tend to get over it by the time they grow up.
Well thing is after they get burnt by the badboys then they want to settle for a nice guy that is a problem.
It isn't settling. It's living and learning. Just like young guys tend to go for the hottest girl they can get, and older guys learn a life partner isn't only about physical perfection.
I can give my answer. Lots of guys who identify as "nice guys" say they'd do anything for you, they'd bend over backwards for you, and so forth. There are two reasons why that's actually unappealing. First, that means I have all the power in the relationship. I can make you do whatever I want; I don't actually want that. That doesn't mean I want you to have all the power either -- I want some form of balance. When you'll do anything for me, that means I have all the power to tell you to do whatever I want, and that actually isn't what I am attracted to. Second, because it reeks of desperation. Most women like confidence. I like a man who takes what he wants, not one who begs for it. That doesn't mean I don't like my man to be nice, mind you. That's actually one of the things I find most appealing about black men; they can be powerful, they can be confident, they can take what they want, but they can do it in a respectful, kind way.
You are describing wimps that's not what is being talked about. Nice guys put you on a pedestal, treat you like a lady, does not shout at you or be violent with you, asks how you doing when he senses you are down, hugs you when you need one, listens to you and holds your hands comforting you, opens doors for you, pulls chairs for you, would walk through fire for you. That is the nice guy we talking about
That's what I'm saying though Appiah. Most of the guys who say "But I'm so nice!" are really just whimps. When they are nice and confident, they don't fall back on their niceness as an excuse for not getting what they want. Or, put another way, I'm saying those guys who say they're so nice and I should be dating them often aren't nice at all, and are really just pushovers who think because they let me do whatever I want to them, I should have sex with them.
I'll do anything for my woman, and sometimes that means me having to say no. I don't know I that I want a woman with whom I have to compete for power and control.
I totally agree, and I don't want it to be the other way around either, where I have all the power and control. Like I said, most of these supposedly "nice" guys will do literally whatever I ask of them, no matter what. Firstly, that isn't really what I call "nice." Second, it means I have complete control of them, by definition. I don't want that. And that gets to what you said here: I'll do anything for my woman, and sometimes that means me having to say no. Right, this is my true definition of a nice man. Nice isn't just giving women whatever they want every time they ask. Especially when supposedly "nice" guys clearly think that their "reward" for being so "nice" is that I should date them and have sex with them. I would argue that's not "nice" at all, that's just how a guy who doesn't have confidence tries to get laid.
One of the biggest problems in relationships especially for younger people, is that it becomes a power struggle. When you get a bit older, you're not looking for power over or power under, but power WITH.
