Goldigger vs. Wanted Someone Financially Stable

Well I knew him ever since I moved to the United States and when he had money he bought me flowers, brought by some groceries etc, etc.. I think it was because I knew who he was- he wasn´t a stranger. Sure, most woman would not buy clothes etc but the difference here was- he didn´t ask me to. We would be invited to go to a party and he didn´t have anything that would fit to the occasion and I would go get something. When we wanted to go out to the movies or out for dinner, he didn´t say "Well, go ahead and pay because you have money". I just said "Let´s go out and have fun, I have some money left and I think we need it". There was the difference. The problem is no matter how appreciative a person is, after a while this will fail because of the lack of balance. Now everything is back to normal and all I see he does with his money is (other than "pimping" his computer) paying rent with me, invites to go out and presents. He loves to buy me stuff, he is very romantic and is actually the kind of guy that doesn´t want the woman to pay. It is sweet that he wants to take care of everything but i am down to earth and we are so young that I think it is smarter that we both have the opportunity to save money for our future while living a nice life. The reality looks different from what we want sometimes. Sure he could spend anything on me but I don´t quite think it is the time for that (If he still wants to do that later- that is fine). Like I said, it is so important that everyone can take care of themselves and whatever we want to do with the left-over is fine.

 

I certainly don't want to assume anything about you but your posts suggest that your relationships could be rather one-sided.

You made it clear that you wouldn't "stick around" for a year in a dating relationship, without acknowledging the nature of the relationship. If two parties are in a committed and loving relationship shouldn't that impact on the decision to end the relationship based on unforeseen and unpreventable accidents? So, if either party suffered an accident or some debilitating accident or disease, would that influence your decision to end the relationship? In other words, if the shoe was on the other foot would you feel the same way?

You stated that you would like to be showered with diamonds because gifts are a show of affection. Yet, missing is any suggestion that you would do the same, by way of gifts or anything else to show affection.

You seem to say that you wouldn't mind "chipping in" because you ASSUME that the man's ego wouldn't allow for more. But, what about your feelings on the matter? Again, do YOU believe that EACH partner should contribute based upon their relative ability and savings, period, without consideration of what a man might think?

If, while you're married you aren't in favor of "equal" contribution, based on the means of the partners, then who is really is the partner who's not supportive, and potentially creating a drag on the relationship.

As someone suggested in an earlier post, it's all about balance. Both partners, IMO, should work to create an environment where they are EQUALLY valued.

 

And all the cards means including the women right here who are American and who belie the stereotype, including me. I have *never* asked a man how much money he made. When a former boyfriend was out of work, I let him move in with me and paid the bills until he got back on his feet. I've dated men who were in "higher status" jobs and "lower status" jobs.

Not every woman, or even every American woman is a gold digger. Nor is every guy just after getting the "highest status" woman for the "lowest price."

Some of you guys are falling afoul of the idea I posted about in the ladies room, where sex/dating/marriage is a transaction, with women being the "product" and men being the "consumers." Or vice versa (and by guys I mean guys & women here).

Relationships are about relating. Marriage is about partnership. And sex is how grown up people play.

None of those things should be about money or goods.

 

Hell, a man after my heart isn't going to buy me diamonds, he's going to cook dinner. Or on a special occasion, he's going to buy me a book he *knows* I will love and don't already have.

And YES Swirlman, to that second bit. I don't think I've seen you make a single post I couldn't co-sign.

 

And to the point about men providing more towards a house to protect their male ego??

Bunk. A grown-ass man who is sure of himself has an ego which isn't that fucking fragile. C'mon. Men aren't children.

 

I guess you didnt read my name one word that describes me...OPINIONATED. And that is what iam. Sorry but yeah i am awfully one sided at times. I tend to sometimes think only of myself. Like it or not that is who iam. Sometimes it is MY way or the highway. Iam not very good at compromise but iam quick to admit this.

No i wouldnt stick around for a year like the other woman did. I am not the type to be sucked in and taken advantage of. That is how i would feel. Being played a fool.

Yeah iam a bit of a snob by saying that arent I about ME wanting the gifts. I LOVE giving gifts. Love it. At xmas i enjoy seeing the happiness on someones face when i give a gift. However i also LOVE recieving a gift too. I maybe should have stated that before.

Yeah iam assuming here...many men i have come across are the type that feel the NEED to want to take care of a women. Paying for things. Makes them feel in charge and like a man. Not all men. Not all at all. Just saying some i have come across that is all.

Never been married so i really cannot speak much about it. These are just my opinions and views. Everyone has an opinion about marriage and they think it is going to be all roses but usually it is far from what we think.

Personally i dont know if it is ALL about balance. There is a fine line between 50, 50 and also what is yours is yours and what is mine is mine. Everyone is different.

 

I prefer to cook for myself LOL...or go out! I dont need or really want a man to cook for me.

 

There is nothing wrong looking for a man that is fin'l stable...a man should be able to provide for his family whether it consist of just you and him or you to plus kids, etc. Hence I say SHOULD, from here, it's up to those involved in the relationship to decide what type of social-fin'l relationship you will have. If he wants to be sugar daddy and pay for everything you do and about you, and you're comfortable with that, then your ok. If you want to be his sugar mama, and he's fine with that, then you're ok. If you want something in the middle where provides and you provide, that's ok too....you just need to sit down and have a direct conversation eventually about what you and he/she wants short-term, long-term and when things change drastically (job loss, some type of inheritance, etc).

 

Haha so true homie. A lot of these young females have BIG TIME self entitlement issues. Its quite frustrating sometimes.

 

i never said that all american women are gold diggers. i don't like the word gold digger. i prefer the word status and money seekers. and men are guilty of this too.

but it is an understatement to say that there aren't alot of gold diggers. if that wasn't the case then there wouldn't be so many tv shows, movies, news articles and studies that discuss and report on these issues.

and ask any man "would you like a beautiful woman who is low maintainence" then he would give a resounding yes.

you have no idea what its like to be that alpha male who has to make the six figures, stay in the gym and SPEND MONEY on a woman, which equates to alot of womans ideas about "treating her right" it takes alot of game and alot of ENERGY and money and looks to attract a attractive woman. and it takes even more effort. its not easy.

my older brother has some of these attributes that attract pretty successful women. and i mus say. the hotter she is, the more high maintainence and the more entitled she feels.

some women deserves diamond rings and don't get them. and some women who are getting the diamond rings deserve a trip to mcdonalds because thier attitude of entitlement.

so any man wouild love to have a low mentainance pretty woman. and they do actually exist. just not here in the U.S.A. so much.

 

I actually think this is quite offensive.
This relationship is on its way into its 4th year, have you ever been with someone for that long?

Also, at that time we were only 20 and also still at school.
It was before we had to take care of any bills at all.
2nd, As I said before- I knew him for a long time- he was no stranger. Before, he would come by and just bring by groceries etc..
Now everything is back to normal and he takes care of me. We both make money and as I said, he is pretty much spending his money on sweet romantic surprises or littlle presents. He loves it.
So would I have all this if I would have left him? No.
Leaving a person you love just because something happened in life you didn´t expect is kinda rough.
Humans are humans and are not perfect, we have to grow and learn.
Life is sometimes full of surprises and I hope if you have found your love, you know when to trust someone.

 

She wont I can already tell she's some bitter big chick who hates on others happiness. What she said to you was way out of line. Enjoy your love kid.

 

the difference is in what the woman contributes herself. a golddigger contributes very little. the other kind of a woman is a more equal partner.

 

yes, becuase I want to know what a goldigger is versus a woman who wants a man who can be a partner

 

Iam not trying to offend anyone. Iam simply stating my own opinion and my own views. Not putting anyone down or judging you. I think honestly you are much kinder than i would ever be. Please dont take offense. Was not trying to pass judgement at all

We have ALL made mistakes. Can we agree on that? Come on iam sure we all can. I totally agree that leaving when the going gets tough may not be what you would do or maybe not for most people. But for ME. I probably would run. Just my first reaction i guess. Do i think with my heart and usually my head. Yes. That can get the better of me. As i said before im sure it has gotten the better of all of us before. Nobody is perfect absolutely. And i sure wouldnt expect anyone to be.

 

CAN I GET A AMEN.


where you from originally?

 

Your at this again...really? Maybe you should just find something better to do with your time then start up with the bitter woman thing again.

 

again. it depends on how you define that and what it is you want.

i don't like the word gold digger. i mean technically, form the sound of things - you have your own gold. right?

you seem to want a man who has as much gold as you may have and maybe more. right?

because you have a subconcious idea of what you want. right?

well you're not a gold digger really. But if a man who you actually are attracted to makes alitlte less than you, are you gonna diss him? that's the question.

 

At this again? Hmmm interesting

 

Born and raised in Austria.