Goldigger vs. Wanted Someone Financially Stable

In the 5 years since my divorce, I have gotten dating differnt kinds of men out of my system and I am ready to look for a compatiable match. I often see guys post about goldiggers. I feel there is a difference wanting a man who will be a good financial partner and being a golddigger. Thoughts?

 

What does that mean to you? A good financial partner?

 

LOL...I KNEW you would be the first reply my friend . Someone who is about the same income brakcet or higher than me, who can afford(shared expense) to do what I like to do(travel, concerts, etc).

 

So you're not looking for love anymore?

 

Wouldnt a "good financial partner" just be someone who doesn't expect you to pay all the bills? Someone who is self-supporting?

 

Sure I want love, but I also want someone that I share common interests with and who can keep up with my life style expenses. Not that they are extragannt as I am saving for a house.

I do not need that amour fou once in a lifetime, I had it and failed. I guess I want a more mature love and marriage for all of its romance is an economic partnership as well.

On that note, I'm off for a run on the beach, it's a GREAT morning

 

Yeah that was my thought too. All I ask is please don't be an achor or a drain. Shit at this point in my life I am so willing to marry any girl who pays for herself at least half the time we go out. I know too many girls who actually get offended if they have to pay for themselves

 

When you get back give me a number. How stable are we talking.

 

LOL, you just made my day...too cute:smt058

 

Well let me contribute to the discussion.

you have the right to have standards. If you are saying

"well i want a man who can turn me and keep up with me" and "i want a man who can afford to invest in a nice home for us to live in"

then in all honesty there is really nothing wrong with that.

i think this issue of gold digger vs. financial partner - argument gets muddled sometimes.

i think the better word is "money & status seekers"

don't feel bad men are guilty of this too. I have heard men turn down beautiful nice women because "oh well she is just a school teacher. she is too poor for me!"

and i can see to you that its a complex issue.

take a look a these clips.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E007Zu00a-Q


just recently a friend of mine from Africa went to Kiev, Ukraine and video taped his adventures with his female friends in their 20s while there. Now let me tell you something these girls are pretty girls in their 20s. my friend is 40.

these youg girls he befriended (about 10 of them). Went out of their way to spend time with him, treated him very well, they were so loving, caring and happy to see a nice black man who liked them, who was interesting.

while in Ukraine he rented an apartment there. Also my friend doesn't speak Ukranian language at all, nor does he speak russian. but all of these women wanted to be around him and were interested in his life. their english was not perfect, but they all could understand each other.

Did he spend money on them? Did they want money from him? sure they went out a few times, but he didn't take them to an expensive resturants, the way he would be required to here in the usa.

i reminded him that if he was in american, he would never get this much affection from women and he agreeed. Because he is not rich. And he doesn't have male model looks and super duper game. he is nice guy who is average in looks. but has a great personality.

when he shared the videos with me of his conversations with these girls at night clubs, cafe's, resturants and so on. One girl he met online came all the way from a far away part of Ukraine by train just to spend some time with my friend. And also one more thing. these ladies were adamant about doing all the cooking. he video taped them doing it to. And what did these ladies want back from him? they just wanted some male attention.

Why? because in Ukraine there are more women than men, women are required to look beautiful and women do not have the same opportunities as men do. also ukranian men tend to be less affectionate toward women too. and again let me remind you that ukranian is not a 3rd world country. but people are poorer than us.

In alot of these euro countries people are greatful to have what they have. and they are not focused on material things. yes money is important, but its not the end all be all.

the women in this clip here are very similar to the type of women my friend was dealing with beautul nice women who just wanted some male attention, in whatever form they could get it in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EadypclkJc4

So back to what you are asking about. Its all about your subconcious idea of what you feel you are entitled to.

you may say "i want a man who looks like a male model who drives a sports car and has a crib like what you see on MTV cribs"

if that's what you want then go out there and try to find that. if you have the looks and the personality to attract those men who have it like that. then you are good to go.


its just that there are so many men that you will reject because they really can't afford you. right? there are so many men out there that have already try to figure out how to date internationally and have sworn they won't mess with american women because of what happening in North America.

take a read.

http://laura1318.wordpress.com/2007/10/22/why-successful-attractive-women-are-scary-to-men/

this article is titled "why successful attractive women are scary to men"


the show "millionaire matchmaker" with Patti stanger, is a show all about empowering successful women to find the man they want. and she actually does say some correct things, sometimes. But for the most part she is selling a fantasy.

i mean look at her. does she have man? no. She actually had a man and their egos clashed and now she is 50 and by herself. I will admit that she is looking good for 50 too. But what type of man wants a famous successful woman like her who has the ego that she has too.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xegypg_access-hollywood-why-did-millionair_news

this may sound harsh. but its up to you. you have to A) You either have to change how you feel, B) Find aman who fits your criteria C) be single

 

For me it does not matter if i make more or if he makes more. Sometimes however men cannot accept if a woman makes more than them...male ego! If that is the case he is gone.

I totally agree with the self-supporting thing. If he wants to go out and make a big purchase (car whatever) then by all means if he has the money...with his money go ahead. And i expect to do the same thing. No man is going to tell me what to do with my money EVER. If they do i will shove it up where the sun don't shine.

If he cannot afford it though and goes and does it and then wants to be baled out i would have to think twice. Not talking about marriage here give and take. Just a relationship in general.

Now marriage is a whole nother ball game. When it comes to buying a home together i think IT should be done together. If the man WANTS to put up the deposit money then fine. But the woman can chip in too if she so wants.

Edited to add it should have been IT should be done together....Personally i think BOTH should contribute to the down payment. BUT i know alot of men would WANT to pay for it all himself...makes him feel good. Maybe the woman can chip in a bit...meaning if she were to give a bit of money...then he would feel better. I have seen alot of this male ego crap. Men believing they should be the man of the house and all that. But if a man insists he want to pay for it all...by all means!!!

 

Wow, when I started dating my boyfriend he eventually lost his job because the animal hospital he worked at ran out of business.
I literally paid for anything that year and didn´t even think about it, we wanted to hang out and when we were hungry, we got something to eat, when we wanted to go to the movies, we went to the movies.
Everything was fine, I saw him need some shorts for the summer, he got some shorts, shoes, etc..
He didn´t expect anything but it was out of question for me since I was in a stable situation money wise and also saved enough money at that time.
After a year the situation changed and we got into many fights about money. I didn´t mind buying him stuff but I didn´t want to be there to support him. I felt as if I had to take care of everything. There was simply no Balance.
I think it is very important that both can support themselves. Now we are both in good shape again and it is so much easier on the relationship. Balance, balance, balance is the key.

 

Wanted to add iam no gold-digger. I dont seek out rich guys or anything. Would i like to be showered with diamonds? YES. But if he cannot buy them iam happy to buy them myself with my own money. Not a problem. I see the gifts as affection and love rather than "i have a rich dude for a boyfriend".

 

Avia. let me tell you something. you are a special lady. why? because most women wouldn't do that. they would flounce at the first sign of trouble. and diss that man who didn't produce.

you really hung in there and tried to help and he just got lazy and didn't appreciate what you were doing. Money is important.

but you have to understand that here in the U.S.A. - its not about the lack of money. some men can take care of themselves, but other women want a millionare.

take a look at these clips.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i1bqLZZX4M


here is chris rock talking. listen. he is mostly talking about american women.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPesKyIhGZg&feature=related

the decent looking average guy who can support himself don't want a high
maintenance obnoxious woman who is only caring about status and money.

 

Agree you are a good woman...maybe TOO nice. I wouldnt do it. I tell you now. For a little bit but wouldnt stick it out a year like you did...job loss can be hard. Damned if you do and damned if you dont.

 

What does this mean?? You stated that it doesn't matter who makes more money. So, why did you set up this scenario where the woman merely "chips in"? Do believe that each party should make contributions based on their ability to contribute?

 

DJ4, you take any chance you can get to bash American women. GTFO.




I think I understand what you are saying stiletoes, though the way you said it makes one think you have turned to gold digging. I think a stable man .....to me......means he contributes to the running of the house. You both do based off what you make and what assets you have. Going into a second marriage/relationship is a little different than a first time.

I am very confused. I thought very recently you rediscovered love with your old boyfriend. What happened to that? Now you are "over love"?

You change paths a lot. I get confused by your goals in life honestly because each week from your posts you are changing. Are you in a period of self discovery? I feel you are going a lot of different ways all at once. Be true to yourself. You don't need a man to be happy either, or his money.

And too funny that you knew MrF would be here first. This is right up his alley. :smt073

 

When your dating personally i think you should not take money from one another...one date he pay, the next day she pay etc. It shouldnt matter if one is a doctor and the other works at a fast food joint that is how it should be

If your married then it is more of a partenership. Should it be 50/50?
No not necessarily. Personally i think it makes the man feel good about putting the deposit money down for a home. But hey that is just me. I know alot of women who have seperate bank accounts even when they are married. NOTHING is shared. No joint accounts or credit cards. The man takes care of the bills and large expenses. The woman buys the food etc. Would this work for me? Not sure. Does it work for some people. Yes

I edited the above...it should have read: Edited to add it should have been IT should be done together....Personally i think BOTH should contribute to the down payment but dont have too. BUT i know alot of men would WANT to pay for it all himself...makes him feel good. Maybe the woman can chip in a bit...meaning if she were to give a bit of money...then he would feel better. I have seen alot of this male ego crap. Men believing they should be the man of the house and all that. But if a man insists he want to pay for it all...by all means!!! That is just me. Iam okay with either...man wants to pay all fine. Man wants to share the expense also fine.

 

i'm not DJ4. bUT dj4 is a good guy.

no. i just try to keep it real. my favorite analogy is the weather. if its raining outside i don't blame it on the rain and the sky. i accept the fact that there is some science behind why its rainy in some parts of the world while its dry and hot in other places.

you can't skate around the issues. the point i'm saying is she has a right to have standards. but are those standards reasonable?

i mean what's her salary range? 60,000, 90,000, 100,000 ?

there are successful beautiful women who have the attitude that unless a guy is pullingin 200,000 a year that can deal with him. i know a few.

I knew a irish guy who was dating a woman here in maryland and his woman broke away from him because she said "a man going out with me has to be making ATLEAST 60,000 a year." this crushed steven because where he is from - money is very important and supporting yourself is important but its not the end all be all. he was pullingin 40,000 only.

because they're are women around the world who are beautiful, nice, friendly - you know. real peadigree women. who would be thankful to have a nice man decent looking, who has a great personality and some sex appeal, who can support himself in their lives. they want that. some of these lovely ladies will end up by themselves. why? because supply and demand. and because life is not fair.

vs. here in the U.S.A. - women complain and are worried and upset because they may not be able to find a rich hunk who has a big house and sports car.
and reject every other type of man they may approach.

i mean c'mon we have to lay all the cards on the table.

 

opening a can of worms arent we