This is NOT my opinion but I want to know other people's thoughts..

Your roommate sounds like an idiot and If I was dating you, I would be more worried about you being around someone like that. I wouldn't be worried for your safety, but more about the idiotic things he says and you absorbing some of it.

There must be something about the guy you like and therefore that would be a concern to me. It's more than likely he harbors far deeper racial issues and just haven't revealed them to you. I bet if you were to say that some black guy did you wrong, he would most surely allow his deep seeded hatred for IR relationships come to the surface.

If you were to tell me that, it would put my relationship with you in a new light.

 

....a player is a player is a player.....it has nothing to do with race ...more with character. just another stereotype....

 

A lot of men cheat. A lot of women cheat. All colors, orientations and what not.

But to me, when I make a commitment in a relationship, it's not just the man I'm committing to, it's MYSELF. It's a point of honor with me. How could I look me in the mirror knowing that I was lying to someone I loved? I'd lose respect for myself as a woman and a human being.

I just don't get the cheating thing. If someone wants to play around, stay single. Don't make that commitment.

 

So is there no room for a mistake? Is the relationship completely over if your mate messes up? There are many reasons that people cheat. None of them having to do with race except for the weak-minded who fall pray to the stereotypes. But, people do make mistakes for whatever the reason, the real test is what happens next? Do you keep doing dumb things and ruin the relationship, (if there still is one) or do you do the adult thing and never, ever do anything like that again. How many can say they have never fucked up and regretted it? Life is full of examples where we learn what hurts through the experience of it. :smt090

 

the cheater can justify it all they want to their partner, but alot of people dont want that in their life, they can do better and get rid of the person (selfish), and i have maxium respect for people like that

 

I understand Wacy what you mean. I was stupid once in my life. I had NEVER cheated before, I mean NEVER! But, it did happen once. I felt like the lowest form of person. I talked to my uncle about it and he told me that I could tell her and deal with what happens or I could act like nothing happened and do my best to make it up by treating her like the love I should have done in the first place. (No excuses, but we were having a lot of issues at the time). I later found out that the reason we had issues was because she had cheated with an old boyfriend, but that is another story. We were both wrong and this had nothing to do with race. Now we are friends artyman: and I learned that you must be true at all times if to no one but yourself.:smt045

 

That was my point. If I want to have a relationship to myself in which I can view myself as honorable, I'm not going to cheat, period. It isn't just the pain it would cause a partner, it's that it is not who I am, and it would be a betrayal of self.

No, a relationship isn't automatically over if someone cheats ONCE and comes clean immediately. If they with hold that information and/or lie about it? They're gone. Lying to me means you don't respect me enough to go through whatever crap you'd have to go through in telling the me the truth. Lying to me is one of the single most disrespectful things a man can do - it tells me he does not value me, or his own integrity, and that's why it's a deal breaker for me.

 

Most people don't get into a relationship thinking "Shiiiiiiiiiit I'm going to cheat" the idea that "if you don't want cheat don't make a commitment" is a bit silly.

Everyone lies, to say you have lied to someone you loved in probably a lie.

There is no such thing as perfection, no perfect person and we humans are flawed. That being said, to expect that a person will "always" or "never" [insert action] is to expect failure.

The difference should be how did the person handle their mistake or the lapse in judgment.

 

Exactly - you betrayed YOURSELF. And let's face, everyone who cheats somewhere along the line makes a decision to do so. You were not just walking down the street and your dick fell into some woman's pussy. You made the decision that your need to lay this woman was more important than your relationship. You knew what was on the line, but screwing her mattered more. And it cost, not just your partner, but you. It cost you your self-respect, and I'm betting it was a hard slog back to feeling good about yourself.

I just don't need that slog, so I don't cheat, period. If sleeping with some guy at a given moment is more important to me than my relationship - then I'm in the wrong relationship. I'd have to step back and look at that very carefully.

 

Would it be over if he cheated once? My gut reaction is HELL YES. But then i realise also that you can never say for certain ahead of time as circumstances may not be clear cut and feelings sometimes affect your ability to be rational etc...in most instances it would be an instant deal-breaker for me though. Mistakes are allowed, absolutely, we're human so making them is unavoidable. But in my book being unfaithful is not one I make room for...

 

Ppl change you know. Yesterday's thief is today's banker, yesterday's liar is today's preacher, yesterday's hooker is today's lawyer. Once you're a cheater always a cheater is kind of harsh and rigid stance to take but knowing you're a German, it's understandable, I kid, I kid, lol

 

I disagree. I think cheating is one of those acts where once it has been done once and forgiven, the inhibition or whatever not to do it is lowered and it is more likely to happen again. Also, I think in most (granted not all) cases, the kind of person who would make that kind of mistake is not someone I would want to be with. I can honestly say I would never, ever cheat, regardless of how tempted I might be....

But on the German factor you're spot on sugar lips!

 

Ahh, try again counselor, maybe you've been out of the court room drama for a bit and wearing emotional cap rather than a logic, lol

 

What can I say, I'm all heart :smt054

 

This:smt023