Post Of The Day

I agree with the thrust of your post that highlights the contradictory nature of male leadership in the family. If this was a debate, I would argue that increasingly and in the near future, women would be more suited to play the role of heads than men. But that is not my argument, my argument here would be the most pragmatic thing to do would be to allow the best person that suits a particular situation lead in that circumstance.

If we go with the notion that dad led mum in my life, the personal experience that situates the fact for the owner of that view; and the idea that because of the role dad played in my family, men are most suited to lead in the home, this would somehow show a narrow conception and extrapolation to the larger world, and this conception/extrapolation might to suffice in other societies, and even with other people that had different experience in the same society.

My thinking in this notional claim that has become accepted as fact in many situations might just have resulted from the occupational role men have played in bringing home the bacon. The idea of the provider for the family. Also one can make the argument that socialization and events around one in the society where brawn ruled and very little role was given to subtle persuasions further entrenched this notion. There is a new trend that points to the fact of life where men might become the partners, and in some cases the weaklings in relationships.

These things are already happening. Men are becoming boy-toys that are used for pleasure and find themselves easily dispensed with. The modern man with the rippling muscles and bulging pants are modern day bimbos. The growing market power of women and the increasing role of women in the society would affect every aspect of human life. Both men and women are evolving and their roles are changing.

The modern men that would raise families are not the guys with the bulging biceps and the authoritarian man. They are most likely going to be men that have become "feminized" in the idea that they have developed subtlety normally associated with women and caregivers. I have a feeling mate selection would force that demographic shift over generations.

The modern man does not need rippling muscles to succeed in the market place. The industrial society has shifted from manual labour to a knowledge based society where communication, verbal power and ability to multi-task now hold key to success. So far, in grade schools to universities, the female specie seems to be succeeding that its male counterpart.

Fair enough, societal thinking has not caught up with this fact. It might explain why there is dysfunction in many male - female relationships and the notional male leadership narrative that is partly influenced by biblical teachings. Society is changing and relationships are now rule and protocol based. Machines are being digitized and codes and logical commands dominate everywhere now. I am not sure how the male of yore would survive in this modern times. It might be time to do some rethinking about roles in relationships.

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Pardon me if you observe mistakes ...I hate editing since I just type as the spirit leads me. If I have to edit I might end up delete this post. I guess it is the burden of non-native speakers sometimes.

 

If this is what you got from what I wrote then you didn't pay attention.

 

No..not even a little. Sometimes the leader knows zero about a particular situation. A Leader doesn't need to know. A leader has the ability to understand how to use the gift of those on his team. I don't know SHIT about taxes, and so I always let me xwife do them. A leader knows when to lead and also has the knowledge to know when he himself needs to be lead.

You guy are making the mistake of thinking that everyone in charge is a leader.

And in many cases the leader has NO RIGHT or responsibility, no authority to "discipline" as a Senior NCO I have no authority to punish.

 

mumbo jumbo. Just like when people say "I need 50/50 in a relationship" = myth. The idea that there is no leader or no guide is choas. Everyone wants to go there own way, do their own thing.

Let me break it down infantry style.

Husband wants to go to see an action flick
Wife wants to go see a comedy.

Solution = ?

Husband goes his way
Wife goes her way

"No Adult Needs to be Led" a silly notion. First its an absolution, and there are not such things as absolutes.

Husband sits down to do taxes
Wife has an MBA

Husband "seeks knowledge for himself"
Husband and Wife are auditing for his ignorance

This idea is arrogant, infantile, bumptious, uniformed, and just plain silly.

 

This is from YOUR experience. I'm going to assume you have a military background and this plays a large role in how you perceive gender roles. The FACT is that I've seen 50/50 relationships work. My parents had/have one. 40+ years of it and they are a better couple because of it. Four children, myself and my older brother completing law school. He's married to someone who will at no point be led but go with the most logical of decisions. This is ideal for a relationship to not feel like an obligation
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Perhaps you should use phrasing less direct than "lead" when referring to you ideal relationships. Guidance would be more fitting simply because if we take the word "lead" in its most elemental meaning we have :"show (someone) the way to a destination by preceding or accompanying them.".

 

I elect this the post of the day. What an excellent, well thought out composition. I completely agree.

The simple fact is, as you've stated; the age of bronze has past along. For centuries women have been limited physically by the roles they could assume. At this point in life, this is not the case. Women possess the same (and in many cases more) mental capacity than men. BUT, as long as the greater portion insist on being led like cattle men have nothing to worry about in terms of being socially conquered.

Now before anyone assumes this, its not my goal to marry some woman and have her make all the decisions and do all the work. However, its much more appealing if she is able to sustain herself and input mutually into the decision making process and into the relationship as a whole. Letting me "have the last say" simply because I happen to be born with a penis is an idiotic and primitive way of living in my opinion.

 

The age that is seems to be is the age of "I odn't want to be a man"
I don't want to lead
I don't want to had my home
I don't want to be responsible.
Why can't she do it?

....and again this idea came from so many MEN and WOMEN not being raised by me in their own right. How do you know what a man is supposed to be. Control, Strength, Stability, when that one who exudeds those qualities was not a man at all.

For the most part women want a man who can lead, not be a in charge, lead. She wants to be able to trust in her man's leadership and decision making ability and she also wants to know that her man is strong enough and confident enough to step asside if she has the knowledge and expertise that is needed at the time. And that is where many get is mixed up. I've already stated what I believe a leader is so I want reiterate. A leader is much more than ME MAN MAKE FIRE COOK MEAT.

 

Dude no one is disputing what a leader is. My problem is understanding what makes me suited to lead? Because I'm bigger with a penis?
Any woman who needs my overall guidance in their life isn't an adult to me she's a child. I need a partner who will take the lead when needs be not someone who will delegate authority all the time and vice versa.
I guess you have your own pov fam and I respect that and if it works for you more power to you.

 

Really? Not my experience? Is a male home in that scenario?

 

only in a household without an older man.

 

My mum "leads" in my parent's marriage. My dad is older.

 

not over her in the usa! Generally men have more money so we end up having to deal with fianance and what not.

 

Ok

 

It is hard to handle stuff when you have less money. The person who has more money has to step up and lead. That's one of the reasons I think men lead in the family. The other issue is the age factor. With age often comes wisdom.

 

I don't see the correlation between being making more money and "leading". My sense is that the person best able to make decisions in certain areas "handles stuff". The fact that you can earn money doesn't necessarily mean that you are good at managing the family, paying bills, dealing with issues with the children, saving money, etc.

 

Is that the exception or the rule sweetcheeks?

 

lippy needs to find a man that makes alot of money so he can be the leader:smt043

 

This certainly your opinion but I'm almost positive no guy here that disagrees with your view is trying to side step responsibility. But to play devils advocate and humor us all, I'll address the question of "why can't she do it?"..

Fact: Women constantly battle for equal rights.
Fact: The age of being a physical alpha (I hate using the phrase "alpha" but I digress) are gone, mental alphas are the ones who propell society forward these days. These mental alphas can be male or female being that women are no less intelligent than men.

So.....really, "why can't she do it?" Because the bulk of society still view women as timid, fragile, inept creatures that need guidance and protection (protection is still a legitimate concern and will be forever).

Why is it that wealthy women struggle with marriage and finding a partner? I'll tell you why, most men are not willing to let a woman take the reigns financially or on any basis. Having to live with the fact that your wife is the bread winner can be viewed as emasculating. All of these misconceptions are based on societies definition of a man so god forbid a woman take the initiative and forge her own path.

Not taking shots, but I'm curious to know why you got divorced. Again, you are most certainly not obligated to tell any of us this. I'm just curious.

 

exactly swirly. i don't see how money is supposed to equate leadership inside a home. you go into most homes and you will see that it's the woman in the relationship that "handles' stuff" and it's the man who generally let's the woman take the lead in the decision making

 

#somewhereovertherainbow lol