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are fathers underrated ?

Discussion in 'Conversations Between White Women and Black Men' started by goodlove, Jun 16, 2011.

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4north1side2 Well-Known Member

Tamstrong said: ↑

Great post, Athena.

I do know a few women like the ones he was referring to (one is an ex SIL), but that is definitely not the most common scenario. Most single mothers raise their children alone out of necessity, because the "man" ran like hell.

My son's 'sperm donor' wanted nothing to do with being a dad; his claim was "I have too much going for me to be a dad". Of course, I didn't let him off the hook & turned all his info (which I got from his wallet one night after he rolled over) in to the Attorney General, so they could go after him for child support. Visitation was set up at the first court date when my son was 15 months old, so there was no reason for him not to try to know him. Over the years I heard from him occasionally...he would seldom ask about my son, but he'd 3rd degree me about my love life. There were several times he claimed he was coming to meet him, but not once did he show up. I never told my son about the no-shows because I knew it would hurt him, but the last time that asshole was supposedly coming, my son (who was 10 at the time) overheard me talking to his "dad" on the phone about him coming to meet him in a couple of weeks. My son was so excited about getting to meet his dad & when that bastard didn't show up, he was crushed.

When my son was 15, his "dad's" crazy gf found him on MySpace & tried to feed him a shitload of garbage via emails (which he showed to me because they upset him) about how I was some bitch who kept his "dad" away from him & she even tried to manipulate the details of his last no-show to put me in a bad light, not realizing that my son had already knew the truth for himself. She said so many ugly things about me to my son (& she didn't know shit about me) & tried to put the onus for everything on me. I found out later what her motivation was for it all, but regardless of her motive what she did to my son was sick & it caused him pain. I never once said anything derogatory to my son about his "dad" because I knew the only thing that would do is add to the pain of not having his "dad" in his life & a loving mother shouldn't do that to a child.

That is definitely the type of man to avoid, because he's not a real man. Any asshole who refuses to be there for his children is one of the lowest forms of life there are IMO. It is most beneficial for children to be raised by both parents, but men (or women) who choose not to be part of their children's lives obviously don't give a rat's ass about what happens to the children. The only good thing that comes out of it is the children not having to be exposed to a person who doesn't love them as they should.

My own daddy had his issues & often sucked at being a dad & he was gone on the road working all the time, but he loved us & tried & that is what counts the most.
Click to expand...

swirlman07 said: ↑

I don't know the statistics but I can tell you that I'm an ex-husband who has tried to be in my 3 y..o. daughter's life, despite my ex's feeling that my presence isn't important in her life.

During our separation, prior to divorce, she once remarked that we needed to hurry up and get a divorce because it was better for my daughter. I had to remind her that it might be better for her, but not for my daughter, as I had since birth been a part of my daughter's life and that would never change.

Later, when I traveled to Europe, where my daughter lives with her mom, I was not permitted to see my daughter on a daily basis while I was there. My ex used the excuse that our divorce hadn't been finalized and therefore there were no set times for visitation, despite my having traveled thousands of miles to see my daughter.

My ex. has never sent me a birthday card, father's day or any kind of card of gift on behalf of my daughter, even though she has received significant money for support.

I have tried to establish weekly webcam visits so that my daughter and I can at least see one another. However, I can't recount the number of times I have been given excuses as to why my daughter wasn't available for our sessions, the internet temporarily failed, she forgot, she had another appt., etc.

She has also exchanged emails with my other teenage daughter, discussing her relationship with me. She used the guise of wanting to ensure that the two "sister's maintained contact, when she never contacted my daughter during our marriage. She had only met her once when I brought my daughter to Europe for my wedding to my ex. So, how sick is it for an adult to "befriend" a teenager in order to appear as the good guy and actually talk about relationships.

Yes, many men do run away, but I'm sure that there are men like myself who are trying, despite the obstacles, to be in the lives of their children. By the way, for all those men who think that European women in general are ALL wonderful, think again. There are wonderful women here in the states and in Europe, but to think that women are somehow different based on geography a mistake.
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Heart breaking stories

Ymra said: ↑

I always try to refrain from commenting on folks personal shit and I try to keep in general. Cuz really I'm looking from WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY outside in.... brutha your daughter lives in another country.......

...what real impact do you think you will have other than "I'm dad, here I am, I'll be here for a week...see you in 6 months" I'm sorry for your situation, but your situation is hardly the norm given time and distance.

I went through the whole thing. My ex wife tried to ruin my military career...

...and I kept on fighting

...she said I used to beat her. I'm a xboxer, a martial artist, 6'1 185..and in my young prime...THAT dude..If I had put my hands on her you'd know it....but I kept on fighting
...she had someone throw weed in my sun roof I left open, (thankfully someone saw the person do it) said I was drug user...and I kept on fighting.
...she Literally burned down my house...and I kept on fighting
...I spent ever dime I had on lawyers, and court fees. I live in my car for 9 month...and I kept on fighting

..but really you actually sort of lent an example to what I am talking about EX-husband...father's...tend to keep on fighting. And fight and fight and fight.

But in a whole nother' country dude........

....hate to say it, but you are pretty much fucked.
....
Click to expand...

Wonderful but no need to be an asshole, you missed the whole point.

swirlman07 said: ↑

Obviously, if you were in my situation, you would consider it untenable. Well, I'm not a boxer or martial artist, but I'm still a fighter. Whether I see her only three of four times a year, a month during the summer, and during weekly web cam sessions, I treasure those times. Those are my times to assert myself as someone who loves her, and to give her memories that will stay with her. It's true that the time is limited, but I have an unlimited amount of love for my daughter and I believe that I can have a positive impact on her life.

Thank you Tam for your gracious comments.
Click to expand...

That's what it's about man!

4north1side2, Jun 17, 2011

#21
4north1side2 Well-Known Member

I don't have nothing to say but I love my kids. We have a blast together and we entertain each other for hours.

4north1side2, Jun 17, 2011

#22
Ymra New Member

4north1side2 said: ↑

Wonderful but no need to be an asshole, you missed the whole point.
Click to expand...

Yo...my intent wasn't to be a damn jerk. Swirlman is cool with me, one of the best on this board.

...I just speak how I speak.

and I got his point which amounted to "you can't say all" so sit the fuck down

Last edited: Jun 17, 2011

Ymra, Jun 17, 2011

#23
Ymra New Member

swirlman07 said: ↑

Obviously, if you were in my situation, you would consider it untenable. Well, I'm not a boxer or martial artist, but I'm still a fighter. Whether I see her only three of four times a year, a month during the summer, and during weekly web cam sessions, I treasure those times. Those are my times to assert myself as someone who loves her, and to give her memories that will stay with her. It's true that the time is limited, but I have an unlimited amount of love for my daughter and I believe that I can have a positive impact on her life.

Thank you Tam for your gracious comments.
Click to expand...

On the contrary, I don't believe there is a fight that can't be won. Call it naivete or bravado.

I will tell you this, for whatever reason, for whatever actions our x-wives take. It is our children who will pay for our inability to hold together our union.

No disrespect intended brutha.

and I hope you know my boxing, martial arts comment had nothing to do with fighting for your child.........ritght.

Ymra, Jun 17, 2011

#24
4north1side2 Well-Known Member

Ymra said: ↑

Yo...my intent wasn't to be a damn jerk. Swirlman is cool with me, one of the best on this board.

...I just speak how I speak.

and I got his point which amounted to "you can't say all" so sit the fuck down
Click to expand...

Having a grand time sitting along with my Sons right now. Daddy is always home.

4north1side2, Jun 17, 2011

#25
Ymra New Member

4north1side2 said: ↑

Having a grand time sitting along with my Sons right now. Daddy is always home.
Click to expand...

I would suggest getting a job....but that's just me. You have to do what is right for you and yours. You aren't the dude that had the 3 year old sitting behind an XBox are you?

Ymra, Jun 17, 2011

#26
goodlove New Member

Ymra said: ↑

I always try to refrain from commenting on folks personal shit and I try to keep in general. Cuz really I'm looking from WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY outside in.... brutha your daughter lives in another country.......

...what real impact do you think you will have other than "I'm dad, here I am, I'll be here for a week...see you in 6 months" I'm sorry for your situation, but your situation is hardly the norm given time and distance.

I went through the whole thing. My ex wife tried to ruin my military career...

...and I kept on fighting

...she said I used to beat her. I'm a xboxer, a martial artist, 6'1 185..and in my young prime...THAT dude..If I had put my hands on her you'd know it....but I kept on fighting
...she had someone throw weed in my sun roof I left open, (thankfully someone saw the person do it) said I was drug user...and I kept on fighting.
...she Literally burned down my house...and I kept on fighting
...I spent ever dime I had on lawyers, and court fees. I live in my car for 9 month...and I kept on fighting

..but really you actually sort of lent an example to what I am talking about EX-husband...father's...tend to keep on fighting. And fight and fight and fight.

But in a whole nother' country dude........

....hate to say it, but you are pretty much fucked.
....
Click to expand...

thats the kind of shit would get a womans ass kicked

swirlman07 said: ↑

I don't know the statistics but I can tell you that I'm an ex-husband who has tried to be in my 3 y..o. daughter's life, despite my ex's feeling that my presence isn't important in her life.

During our separation, prior to divorce, she once remarked that we needed to hurry up and get a divorce because it was better for my daughter. I had to remind her that it might be better for her, but not for my daughter, as I had since birth been a part of my daughter's life and that would never change.

Later, when I traveled to Europe, where my daughter lives with her mom, I was not permitted to see my daughter on a daily basis while I was there. My ex used the excuse that our divorce hadn't been finalized and therefore there were no set times for visitation, despite my having traveled thousands of miles to see my daughter.

My ex. has never sent me a birthday card, father's day or any kind of card of gift on behalf of my daughter, even though she has received significant money for support.

I have tried to establish weekly webcam visits so that my daughter and I can at least see one another. However, I can't recount the number of times I have been given excuses as to why my daughter wasn't available for our sessions, the internet temporarily failed, she forgot, she had another appt., etc.

She has also exchanged emails with my other teenage daughter, discussing her relationship with me. She used the guise of wanting to ensure that the two "sister's maintained contact, when she never contacted my daughter during our marriage. She had only met her once when I brought my daughter to Europe for my wedding to my ex. So, how sick is it for an adult to "befriend" a teenager in order to appear as the good guy and actually talk about relationships.

Yes, many men do run away, but I'm sure that there are men like myself who are trying, despite the obstacles, to be in the lives of their children. By the way, for all those men who think that European women in general are ALL wonderful, think again. There are wonderful women here in the states and in Europe, but to think that women are somehow different based on geography a mistake.
Click to expand...

Tamstrong said: ↑

This is what my brother is going through with his ex-wife. They have 3 daughters & she does everything she can to make time with his daughters an impossibility. People who do that shit only hurt their children with their selfish agendas & for some reason they fail or flat out refuse to see that & some of them know, but don't care. They have no appreciation for the blessing a caring & dedicated father truly is. My ex SIL is just a bitch doing this to my brother because she can & I know how much pain it causes my brother & my nieces & I pray for them to get to the point where my brother can be in his daughters' lives the way he wants & needs to be. I sincerely hope your situation works out that way as well.
Click to expand...

Tamstrong said: ↑

Great post, Athena.

I do know a few women like the ones he was referring to (one is an ex SIL), but that is definitely not the most common scenario. Most single mothers raise their children alone out of necessity, because the "man" ran like hell.

My son's 'sperm donor' wanted nothing to do with being a dad; his claim was "I have too much going for me to be a dad". Of course, I didn't let him off the hook & turned all his info (which I got from his wallet one night after he rolled over) in to the Attorney General, so they could go after him for child support. Visitation was set up at the first court date when my son was 15 months old, so there was no reason for him not to try to know him. Over the years I heard from him occasionally...he would seldom ask about my son, but he'd 3rd degree me about my love life. There were several times he claimed he was coming to meet him, but not once did he show up. I never told my son about the no-shows because I knew it would hurt him, but the last time that asshole was supposedly coming, my son (who was 10 at the time) overheard me talking to his "dad" on the phone about him coming to meet him in a couple of weeks. My son was so excited about getting to meet his dad & when that bastard didn't show up, he was crushed.

When my son was 15, his "dad's" crazy gf found him on MySpace & tried to feed him a shitload of garbage via emails (which he showed to me because they upset him) about how I was some bitch who kept his "dad" away from him & she even tried to manipulate the details of his last no-show to put me in a bad light, not realizing that my son had already knew the truth for himself. She said so many ugly things about me to my son (& she didn't know shit about me) & tried to put the onus for everything on me. I found out later what her motivation was for it all, but regardless of her motive what she did to my son was sick & it caused him pain. I never once said anything derogatory to my son about his "dad" because I knew the only thing that would do is add to the pain of not having his "dad" in his life & a loving mother shouldn't do that to a child.

That is definitely the type of man to avoid, because he's not a real man. Any asshole who refuses to be there for his children is one of the lowest forms of life there are IMO. It is most beneficial for children to be raised by both parents, but men (or women) who choose not to be part of their children's lives obviously don't give a rat's ass about what happens to the children. The only good thing that comes out of it is the children not having to be exposed to a person who doesn't love them as they should.

My own daddy had his issues & often sucked at being a dad & he was gone on the road working all the time, but he loved us & tried & that is what counts the most.
Click to expand...

I share all of you guys pain. My story is similar to the guys. I ended up taking my ex to court because she was doing that shit. she ended up settling. she did some other evil shit that is why she settled. now I call my daughter (i live an hour 1/2 away) everyday and we have fun on the phone. Im sure it is eating my ex up inside that my daughter and I are having fun. you have to take em to court (men or women) and hold them in contempt of court and also make them pay your atty fees. that will shape them up real quick. as for the dude over seas Im sure you can get an atty to rep you. If you have to travel all the way back then do it. all it takes is one time in the courtroom they WILL shape up. IF THEY HAVE SOME SENSE. let them know you will put them in jail. the sooner you do it the better. In alabama it is 5 days in jail per day you miss in visitation. also make it in the modification you WILL have phone , computer , skype and other means of communication available thru the week. all they have to do is fuck up once and you can get into their ass.

goodlove, Jun 17, 2011

#27
goodlove New Member

yes, I slept in my car for 9 months to a year. I used my student loans to finance my divorce modification to make her let me talk to my daughter. by any means necessary. If I had acted earlier I could have gotten custody because she would have been in jail for about 30 days or more.

goodlove, Jun 17, 2011

#28
goodlove New Member

Tamstrong said: ↑

Great post, Athena.

I do know a few women like the ones he was referring to (one is an ex SIL), but that is definitely not the most common scenario. Most single mothers raise their children alone out of necessity, because the "man" ran like hell.

My son's 'sperm donor' wanted nothing to do with being a dad; his claim was "I have too much going for me to be a dad". Of course, I didn't let him off the hook & turned all his info (which I got from his wallet one night after he rolled over) in to the Attorney General, so they could go after him for child support. Visitation was set up at the first court date when my son was 15 months old, so there was no reason for him not to try to know him. Over the years I heard from him occasionally...he would seldom ask about my son, but he'd 3rd degree me about my love life. There were several times he claimed he was coming to meet him, but not once did he show up. I never told my son about the no-shows because I knew it would hurt him, but the last time that asshole was supposedly coming, my son (who was 10 at the time) overheard me talking to his "dad" on the phone about him coming to meet him in a couple of weeks. My son was so excited about getting to meet his dad & when that bastard didn't show up, he was crushed.

When my son was 15, his "dad's" crazy gf found him on MySpace & tried to feed him a shitload of garbage via emails (which he showed to me because they upset him) about how I was some bitch who kept his "dad" away from him & she even tried to manipulate the details of his last no-show to put me in a bad light, not realizing that my son had already knew the truth for himself. She said so many ugly things about me to my son (& she didn't know shit about me) & tried to put the onus for everything on me. I found out later what her motivation was for it all, but regardless of her motive what she did to my son was sick & it caused him pain. I never once said anything derogatory to my son about his "dad" because I knew the only thing that would do is add to the pain of not having his "dad" in his life & a loving mother shouldn't do that to a child.

That is definitely the type of man to avoid, because he's not a real man. Any asshole who refuses to be there for his children is one of the lowest forms of life there are IMO. It is most beneficial for children to be raised by both parents, but men (or women) who choose not to be part of their children's lives obviously don't give a rat's ass about what happens to the children. The only good thing that comes out of it is the children not having to be exposed to a person who doesn't love them as they should.

My own daddy had his issues & often sucked at being a dad & he was gone on the road working all the time, but he loved us & tried & that is what counts the most.
Click to expand...

its especially fucked up a person has to make another person do the minimum (pay child support or spend time) for the kids

goodlove, Jun 17, 2011

#29
4north1side2 Well-Known Member

Ymra said: ↑

I would suggest getting a job....but that's just me. You have to do what is right for you and yours. You aren't the dude that had the 3 year old sitting behind an XBox are you?
Click to expand...

Yes sir, we both completely kicked ass today in CoD:World at War in co-op Nazi zombies.

4north1side2, Jun 18, 2011

#30
Ymra New Member

4north1side2 said: ↑

Yes sir, we both completely kicked ass today in CoD:World at War in co-op Nazi zombies.
Click to expand...

Yea....3 year old on an xbox...

...and playing call of duty?

umm........yeah. I could tell you have fucked up, weak brained, and irresponsible that is, but you wouldn't listen and tell me some dumb uneducated stupid shit about "well he looks fine"

..so I'll end this tit for tat at that.

Ymra, Jun 18, 2011

#31
The Dark King Well-Known Member

You people with your horror stories make me want to adopt. Damn

The Dark King, Jun 18, 2011

#32
Blacktiger2005 Well-Known Member

Fathers are no longer needed as one woman once told me. The government is the ultimate father and husband.

Blacktiger2005, Jun 18, 2011

#33
goodlove New Member

MrFantastic said: ↑

You people with your horror stories make me want to adopt. Damn
Click to expand...

its gotten to that point

goodlove, Jun 18, 2011

#34
goodlove New Member

Ymra said: ↑

Yea....3 year old on an xbox...

...and playing call of duty?

umm........yeah. I could tell you have fucked up, weak brained, and irresponsible that is, but you wouldn't listen and tell me some dumb uneducated stupid shit about "well he looks fine"

..so I'll end this tit for tat at that.
Click to expand...

my question to you is....did you get her arrested for putting those drugs in your car ?

goodlove, Jun 18, 2011

#35
Tamstrong Administrator Staff Member

Blacktiger2005 said: ↑

Fathers are no longer needed as one woman once told me. The government is the ultimate father and husband.
Click to expand...

That woman was full of shit IMO. It's not the governments job to provide for man's (or woman's) family. It's disheartening that family has little to no meaning to so many people. It's a damn shame.

Tamstrong, Jun 18, 2011

#36
Nerdy Girl New Member

Blacktiger2005 said: ↑

Fathers are no longer needed as one woman once told me. The government is the ultimate father and husband.
Click to expand...

Who told her that, the Ministry of Truth? That sounds all 1984-like.

Nerdy Girl, Jun 19, 2011

#37
Blacktiger2005 Well-Known Member

Nerdy Girl said: ↑

Who told her that, the Ministry of Truth? That sounds all 1984-like.
Click to expand...

I think it has something to do with the brainwashing by the elites in their desire for a social engineering pact to sway the masses to believe that government sperm banks are preferred over the bio-kind.

Blacktiger2005, Jun 19, 2011

#38
goodlove New Member

Blacktiger2005 said: ↑

I think it has something to do with the brainwashing by the elites in their desire for a social engineering pact to sway the masses to believe that government sperm banks are preferred over the bio-kind.
Click to expand...

In any case ....its too accepted that men are being pushed to the side from their kids. also men dont get the same push/support when it comes to parenting

goodlove, Jun 21, 2011

#39
goodlove New Member

Stories rarely told about fathers being alienated from their kids.
=======================================================

Single mother jailed after paying for friend's son to take DNA test in bid to cut ex-lover out of her boy's life

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-Burn-jailed-trying-cut-father-sons-life.html

Parental Alienation Mommy Tossed in Jail for Abducting Children

http://mkg4583.wordpress.com/2009/1...ng-kids-judge-calls-this-parental-alienation/

Dad fights for son taken to Brazil four years ago

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26867370/

Court Awards Sole Custody to Father Due to Mother’s Parental Alienation

http://angiemedia.com/2009/01/27/co...to-father-due-to-mothers-parental-alienation/

Last edited: Jun 21, 2011

goodlove, Jun 21, 2011

#40

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