If you have to hide....

if you are hiding something then it isnt exposed. thus if it isnt hidden then it is exposed. it just have a negative connotation to it

 

maybe you are over thinking the situation. IR's are not that uncommon in Louisville. Fear and hatred walk hand-in-hand...let go of the fear and the hate has nothing to cling to. and love the man..not the idea. good luck SA

 

damn you. we were having fun

 

:smt038 Excellent post. Rep on the way

 

bm and ww situations are waaaayyyy different

 

You are SO RIGHT

 

as I stated ..... On her time. yall can play that role but on her time..reality is a mofo

http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18344

 

:smt023 :smt045:smt045:smt045

Absolutely, its about respect.

If both parties are in it for the booty call and nothing more than that, then it is on them, they know the score.

If however we are talking about a real relationship, committed to being developed then the ballgame changes.

 

Nope, not seeing it. I would not and never have hidden a relationship regardless of how I've thought people might react to it and yes I've dated interracially.

Like I said before, I don't see any need to go shouting about it any more than I see any need to tell your boss you had sex with a stranger last night or whatever, but hiding it is a no-no for me.

 

The thing is there are always going to be those people in the world. Bigots, racists and social shit stains will never disappear completely.

Some folks are just intolerant and I don't and won't make decisions in my life for their peace of mind. Let them deal with their personal insecurities.

I realize that despite the fact that I carry myself in a respectful, no nonsense, good values and character conduct, there are people who will never like me for simply being black.

Not everyone will like you, no matter what you do positively.

I will never allow that however to alter me, much less allowing myself to get involved with a woman who would allow that to alter her at the same time.

For me it is about a mutual respect for each other as man and woman.

If she has to start off with being hesitant and unsure of how to deal with a black man in relation to her friends and family then it tells me that is not the woman for me.

 

I will not have a boyfriend that I am not willing to be seen with. I went around with my last boyfriend for two years joined at the hip practically - but I was in an artistic circle then...

I am new to "attorney culture" and don't know the tendencies of their political views or how they are put into practice on a REAL level... Also their being mostly higher income makes me a little nervous too... there is a sense of entitlement sometimes, a different "attitude" that comes from people with money. On the other hand, I have met some really "real" and great people lately who happen to be in law.

I have been know to "overshare" about my life in general, and I am nipping that in the bud QUICK - it's probably for the best overall. People see you with your heart on your sleeve and they will try to take advantage... too much information WILL be used against you

Being around all white people makes me nervous because of some past experiences... most of my working history has been with people of all races (call centers, customer service, etc.)... I never know WHO harbors racist sentiments (and sometimes they don't even know themselves), and it comes out subtly.

If a boss decides not to like you for whatever reason (illegal or not), he will LOOK for mistakes and you'll never be perfect enough for him/her. He/she can fire you on an accumulation of trivialities that would have otherwise been overlooked. I plan on "sharing" about myself in tiny increments, and just be the best employee I can be... and hope for the best. So far it's been pretty great, and I've learned a lot about curtailing my penchant for standing out. I concentrate now on performing and being efficient/valuable/helpful/accurate.

Most of them don't know I am an artist (a talented one who will be known in this town eventually). I'm looking forward to the day they realize who I really am - I have had people's attitudes toward me change in literally a split second after they see my work - a whole new respect grows in their eyes. Of course it will be all the sweeter after I've proven myself to be an invaluable addition to the group.

 

I would rep you, but I have to spread it around it says.

 

I don't think that money controls people's beliefs or attitudes about race. They are either prejudiced or they aren't, period.

As I read your post I suddenly had this image of black person with "white features" trying to pass in the work places. The person lived her or his life with fear wondering if their secret will be discovered.

It's not so much your wearing a scarlet letter, as much as your seeming willingness to sacrifice your own beliefs. Heaven forbid if there was a discussion about a news item involving a racially tinged issue. This is far more likely to happen since people often discuss current events in the work place. So, either you make you feelings known and stand up for your beliefs or you cower behind a false sense of belonging and security, hoping to keep your job at all costs.

As a black man I have never had that choice. People assume that they know my feelings based on my skin color. I have had many high profile professional positions and never considered for a moment whether I should "whitewash" my feelings on any topic, including my choice of dating partner. Any woman I dated was someone I felt comfortable enough to take in any arena, whether in public or work place functions.

It was and is never about the woman, it's about my integrity as a man with beliefs that I support. In other words, "To thine own self be true".

 

I would not sacrifice my own beliefs... if I heard something overtly racist I would have to disagree very strongly... however I see LITTLE things all of the time that give me pause, and would not be understood if I tried to explain it.

I have been so long without regular employment and so want to be very careful with how I approach this one (job culture)...After I have "proven" myself and everyone has gotten to know me a little, I will be more comfortable letting things be known about my life. After THAT, if anyone took a disliking to me when they had liked me before, it would be pretty obvious why and I'd have more of a leg to stand on...

That being said, I have a beautiful picture of a black child
(which I drew many years ago and gave it to my boyfriend, but he wants me to keep it so he can come visit it lol...), and it's in my car at the moment because I don't have a real apartment yet... I was thinking of asking if I could bring in some artwork, because my boss has original paintings all over his walls (done by his mother)... I wonder if that would be a good way to let people know who I am (kill two birds with one stone as it were?)...

Here's the picture I drew. I'm thinking of hanging up in my little cubicle area which has TONS of blank wall space... how do you think I could approach this?

 

so sorry....it was a small ripple in the pond....i had faith in your recovery.

 

I dont hide it, everyone i know knows my preference.

 

like i said... i do wish you luck. and your work is beautiful.

 

Thank you, sweetie! It's my true passion and hope it makes up for my other annoying qualities lol...

 

I agree with everything you are saying. the respect is a two way street. if she is not ready to introduce you to pops and moms then why cant you respect that. would you take a woman to meet mom after a week of dating ?

exactly. you have to get a feel for your environment

now at the sametime if there was a party and you just started dating someone would you take em to the office party or to momma after you have been dating a week or two ?

 

I don't have the standard close familial relationships, so probably not the best one to ask that. I don't introduce people to my family at all where possible(this applies to friends, partners, people of all races).

I also don't date people I don't already know socially, so by the point of 'dating' them for a week or two, I'd be happy to take them to work-related outings/parties.

I see the point you're getting at, but you've missed mine. I'm not saying anyone should be loudly shouting about the guy they just met and what race they are, but that's not a relationship, it's a guy you just met. If you're in a relationship and you're hiding it, you shouldn't be in it(in my opinion). I've also never dated in the American sense(and it seems very forced/strange to me), so when you say dating for a week or two, that to me is a "we are in a relationship", boyfriend/girlfriend situation.

In most random workplace chatter, relationships will come up. Even if someone's just asking about your plans for the night. Unless you're up to something shady(boning the boss's wife? ), there's no reason to lie about it. Obviously, if someone says "What are you up to tonight?" and you say "Having hot sex with my BLACK boyfriend, who is BLACK and has BLACK parents and I am WHITE! Gotta problem???" you have issues of another kind xD but "Hanging out with my boyfriend." isn't exactly over-sharing, it's just the truth.