are fathers underrated ?

the today show segment about fathers

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/43423668#43423668

what do you think about the segment and what do you remember about you fathers ?

Also who is the better parent ?

absentee fathers ? why is there so many ?

what do you love about being a father ?

 

im not one but i can say that fathers play a major role in their children's lives and growth especially for females they are the men that shape the type of men they can be attracted to as in instruct them in what qualities to look for in a man. For boys they show them how to be a man in more ways than one by being there for them. seeing as a how i was raised primarily by my mother and grandmother due to the fact that my father divorced my mother around the time i was born and left us. This left me alone and without a supportive father and i have major resentment towards the man to this day.

 

The presence of a father in a household is very important especially for a young man but because unfortunately most black men just don't do that job particularly well, the importance of fatherhood is not given the necessary recognition it deserves

 

love those statements. its imperative that fathers are around. I dont want to paint a broad brush on mothers so take it for what it is. during divorce women tend to try to fite off fathers from the kids barring abuse of any kind or just a bum

the men tend to fall in one of the categories when this happens:

1) he fites back and get visitation but limited
2) he decides not to fite because of the financial and spiritual expense.
3) he doesnt fite back and try to come back later on in life.

so my question should be next why women do that and then whine about how tuff it is being a single parent ?

 

I actually don't know any women who have fought off the dad's desire/efforts to be with their children. Every single mom that I know has an ex that has taken off running, not to be seen again, not to be a father - nothing (ok well they did donate sperm I guess).

If a man today doesn't realize his value as a good father, then he's clearly been living in a cave. It's so obvious how helpful and beneficial it is to have two parents raising the children. Unfortunately hntr, myself and most of my friends have had run-away dads so the only role model he was for me was to be the type of man to AVOID.

 

yeah. Im gonna say this and I hope I dont sound mean but here it goes. women say men walk away from their kids but you are not in the home with them. they arent gonna come out and say shit like Im keeping the kids hostage.

look at halle .....she is a prime example. first when she broke up with dude and when she found out he was dating Kim K or someone like that then she wanted to start alienating him away from the kid saying he was using the "N" word. naw thats bullshit. she was mad he moved on so fast. then when they went to court all of the sudden everything is cool. naw she was pulling some slick ass shit by trying to alienate the father.

so when they say he walked away look at it crossed eyed

 

you know all of what you just said is nonsense,right?

 

really ? explain. go back and look at the articles and time line and then talk to me. it was also talked about on joy behar. they carved the shit. I saw this shit before joy talked about it but when she had the show it was soooo obvious.

it happens all the time. I talk to bro's who go thru the shit. I went thru it

 

your individual experience doesn't mean the norm....

 

again nothing new is under the sun. men go through it all the time. why do you think there are contempt of court laws when you dont see your kids. in alabama if a woman deprives you from seeing your child she can go to jail 5 days per day you miss. the problem is proving it. why is that on the books ?

if it never happened why is it in the laws for dads to have visitations?

why are there fathers advocates groups ? why ?

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/advocacygroups/Groups_Advocating_for_Fathers_Rights.htm

because women will pull that slick ass shit. that is why ? men sometimes walk away because they dont have the finances to fite and they dont want to go through the spiritual expense.

go to any divorce atty's office and half of their business is fathers right to get visitation after divorce

 

I am so sorry to hear the story about your son's dad. That was terrible that your son and you had to endure that; and the lies from his weak minded girlfriend about you is ridiculous! I know it's not a comfort but I've known others with dads (both black and white) with similar stories. Your right though, most dads have issues, but the fact they cared, loved their kids, and tried to do what they thought was right is what counts the most! :smt038

 

There is a twist in this....

....ex-boyfriend and baby daddy's...do. Head for the hills. Ex-husbands however, (and the number back this up) generally stick around to be father's. pay child support, and are active participants.

...and for you slow brained nitwits..I'm not suggesting ALL ex husband's I'm simply comparing groups


women haven't figured it out yet. Thinking "we might as well be married" equals marriage, and they often the one's left holding the bag.........alone.

 

I disagree that is "obvious" espiecally for the black community a full 70 of black homes are headed by just women. There kids are growing up without father's so how do we expect them to know what the importance of a father is? Or what a man is for that matter.

If the stability, strength, power, control, and direction of a home is from mom......and only mom, how is a boy supposed to know the job of a man?

 

I don't know the statistics but I can tell you that I'm an ex-husband who has tried to be in my 3 y..o. daughter's life, despite my ex's feeling that my presence isn't important in her life.

During our separation, prior to divorce, she once remarked that we needed to hurry up and get a divorce because it was better for my daughter. I had to remind her that it might be better for her, but not for my daughter, as I had since birth been a part of my daughter's life and that would never change.

Later, when I traveled to Europe, where my daughter lives with her mom, I was not permitted to see my daughter on a daily basis while I was there. My ex used the excuse that our divorce hadn't been finalized and therefore there were no set times for visitation, despite my having traveled thousands of miles to see my daughter.

My ex. has never sent me a birthday card, father's day or any kind of card of gift on behalf of my daughter, even though she has received significant money for support.

I have tried to establish weekly webcam visits so that my daughter and I can at least see one another. However, I can't recount the number of times I have been given excuses as to why my daughter wasn't available for our sessions, the internet temporarily failed, she forgot, she had another appt., etc.

She has also exchanged emails with my other teenage daughter, discussing her relationship with me. She used the guise of wanting to ensure that the two "sister's maintained contact, when she never contacted my daughter during our marriage. She had only met her once when I brought my daughter to Europe for my wedding to my ex. So, how sick is it for an adult to "befriend" a teenager in order to appear as the good guy and actually talk about relationships.

Yes, many men do run away, but I'm sure that there are men like myself who are trying, despite the obstacles, to be in the lives of their children. By the way, for all those men who think that European women in general are ALL wonderful, think again. There are wonderful women here in the states and in Europe, but to think that women are somehow different based on geography a mistake.

 

I always try to refrain from commenting on folks personal shit and I try to keep in general. Cuz really I'm looking from WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY outside in.... brutha your daughter lives in another country.......

...what real impact do you think you will have other than "I'm dad, here I am, I'll be here for a week...see you in 6 months" I'm sorry for your situation, but your situation is hardly the norm given time and distance.

I went through the whole thing. My ex wife tried to ruin my military career...

...and I kept on fighting

...she said I used to beat her. I'm a xboxer, a martial artist, 6'1 185..and in my young prime...THAT dude..If I had put my hands on her you'd know it....but I kept on fighting
...she had someone throw weed in my sun roof I left open, (thankfully someone saw the person do it) said I was drug user...and I kept on fighting.
...she Literally burned down my house...and I kept on fighting
...I spent ever dime I had on lawyers, and court fees. I live in my car for 9 month...and I kept on fighting

..but really you actually sort of lent an example to what I am talking about EX-husband...father's...tend to keep on fighting. And fight and fight and fight.

But in a whole nother' country dude........

....hate to say it, but you are pretty much fucked.
....

 

Obviously, if you were in my situation, you would consider it untenable. Well, I'm not a boxer or martial artist, but I'm still a fighter. Whether I see her only three of four times a year, a month during the summer, and during weekly web cam sessions, I treasure those times. Those are my times to assert myself as someone who loves her, and to give her memories that will stay with her. It's true that the time is limited, but I have an unlimited amount of love for my daughter and I believe that I can have a positive impact on her life.

Thank you Tam for your gracious comments.

 

interesting segment. i noticed that my ex and i had and still have the same kind of roles. i'd do a little roughhousing with the kids, but their dad was and is the main one who does it...i'm more the one who sits down and plays board games or barbies or go-go's etc as well as setting the discipline and giving lots of cuddles and kisses.

i think the role of the father is such an important one in a child's life and i encourage and nurture the one my children have with their own...he brings things to their lives that i can and could not and i fully acknowledge that. as for who is a better parent question, i don't think that there is really a better parent as both men and women bring their own strengths (and weaknesses) into parenting and it comes down to the individual in the end.

what i remember most about my dad growing up is that he wasn't around during the week as he worked and then went to the pub afterwards to avoid home...my parents had a crappy marriage. we'd go to the football to watch our team every saturday and eat hot chips and yell until we were hoarse at the game because our team never won. as i approached my teen years he became distant, i think because he didn't know how to relate to me and my 'teenage girl hormones', but we became firm and loving father and daughter by the time i turned 18 and haven't looked back since. he is the one out of my parents whom i lean on and rely on and i would be lost without our weekly get togethers and his love. fathers are amazing people and i have nothing but the utmost respect for all of those who remain in their children's lives.