If you have to hide....

I think 11 covers it very nicely. It's not about announcing that you like black men, it's about just being honest to yourself and others that you do and not trying to hide it like YMRA's friend. For instance, I've asked the black guys I was dating if they wanted to go to office related events and if they said yes then we went as a couple. It caused a stir at first but I'm not going to put on a false front just for the benefit of others.

Another very true statement from 11 and I agree completely. You will have many that once they know a white woman dates black men will instantly think it's only about a sexual thing. It's very immature but I've seen that from men and women even my age. You just can't let that kind of stuff bother you or cause you to not be honest with yourself. It's unfortunate that it happens and I think it obviates a person's inferiority complex when they say things like that, but it does and will happen.

 

Reason why i don't swallow the "i have always liked black men " bait hook line and sinker. SMH this is 2011 and we have people still having issues with interracial relationships and there are people who profess their love for black men yet in their private lives the issue is a bit complicated.

 

Don't worry about it. Just try to build up a nest egg for yourself in the mean time and be yourself on the work place as you continue to get to know your co-workers. Then if you get on a personal level with them then I'd assume some sort of friendship has actually developed and you should be able to trust them enough to answer honestly if they ask who you are currently dating. Only way I'd think it may come up awkwardly is if a man goes to ask you out and you say "Sorry, I only date black men." then you might have a problem, if you put it that way.

From my own experience it's not that big of a deal in general. Most people that have a problem with it probably keep it to themselves or aren't in a position to do anything about it anyway.

Where I used to work I had a picture of myself and my girlfriend (who's white) on my desk at my cubicle. If anything, I remember it was like people (namely women) seemed extra friendly once it popped up. The most I got was a co-worker asked me if that was my girlfriend and when I said yes he turned to another co-worker with a told you so face. They were pretty cool guys, the frat boy types, but they were cool far as I could tell. All in all, I cared less what people thought. I brought another picture in of just her too and set it on the other side of my computer.

The story is significant because I live in a small town here in KY, vs yourself who lives in a big city, louisville, KY, right? So I would imagine that you would be just fine. If not, at least you'd know you wouldn't have a future at a mean spirited company.

-Goes and drinks some gatorade after that long post of his- lol

 

Ridiculous that she would hide the relationship. I know he has feelings for her but honestly, speaking from experience, you don't want a relationship you have to hide, at least not in that for those reasons. Especially with one person having some serious feelings. He should cut her loose or her him, because if it does come out and she continues to worry about what her family/friends think, it'll hurt more when she would actually break up with him because Mommy & Daddy said so. Then he'll be left feeling even worse than if they just do it now and move on.

Though on the flip side, they could agree to just come out with their relationship to her folks and such and be the adults they are and not give a crap about what they think.

Unless Mommy and Daddy are still paying her bills then....lol :smt120

 

I think conventional wisdom says you don't overshare when you start a new job anyway, no matter who you are dating so I think it will be a non-issue. After you have been there a while you will bring your s/o with you to things so it will just be a natural.


You said you aren't dating til you lose 50 lbs. so why would it come up if you aren't even dating? :smt102

 

Its not a relationship if you do that, it's a booty call and with no respect at that.

 

Everyone at my work place knows who I'm with. I wouldn't be happy or stay working somewhere where I'd feel I'd have to keep the race of my family (he's my family) a secret or whatever, WTF? But we're a close-knit little place where I work and we chat about all kinds of stuff. Husbands and wives stop by to visit, parents bring their little ones to meetings if they don't have a sitter. I like it. Ya'll can keep your stiff uppity work places. Not for me, not for all the money in the world. :smt023

 

Im with SAIN to a point. this person is just a boyfriend. THAT IS IT. I told yall this before and I will say it again.

WW have a lot more to lose than a bro. yall can say what you want but if that WW get cut off from the family over a BF and they dont work out then what. be bonjovi live on a prayer. SHIIIIIITTT

she knows what time it is. she knows her environment. now if they were planning on getting married then yeah tell the world.

what you want her to do walk around with a T-shirt saying " I date bro's and Im proud" ...shiiittttt come on. lets live in reality here.

yeah people say they arent racist until their daughter walkin with jerome , paublo, or tang (maybe they would be fine with tang because they think he could be a fucking rocket or something).

so lets wake up and stop throwing stones at her. she needs time to see what the bro gonna do.

she better be dating somebody like a TIM DUNCAN he gonna bring in that cash after getting drafted in the NBA or date a Carlton who just got hired as a neurosurgeon or something. dont be riding up her driveway to her dads house in a nissan sentra or something with a job as a burger flipper talking Im a rapper with an album about to drop soon as I can get a contract.

get the fuck outta here nigga. he would turn to his daughter and tell her now take your ass to the country club and get with jeffrey...his dad owns an accounting firm and he is a banker. now go shake that ass in front of him like you got some damn sense. what is the fuck wrong with you ?

that is what she is looking at.

 

Just the kind of white women you AVOID at all times.

What I look like, Bozo the Clown messing with some woman that is paranoid about those around her and how they will look at her.

Insecure about dealing with another human being in a respectful manner in all walks of her life.

I'm too self respecting and no nonsense to allow myself to be degraded by any woman that would conduct herself that way.

If you can't be true in the relationship, don't be in it in the first place.

I'm a grown ass man, when you step to me step to me like a proud woman, not some sneaky, foolish, full of games nonsensical behavior.

 

I comprehend what you are asserting, however if any black man has an ounce of self respect left in him, he would not subject himself to that.

P.S. not every white woman roams in the country Club atmosphere, heck most don't it goes without saying.

Most are just regular Joe Schmo living on the next paycheck or two.

Now if a brotha is all off point and not putting his best foot forward and conducting himself with respect then he is off to a bad start.

I myself cannot deal with white women who are paranoid about what others think of them, keeping up appearances, seemingly lacking their own volition and not comfortable in their own decisions.

Then yet again I don't deal with those kind of women in the first place, so case closed.

 

yeah well your ass better be willing to marry the chick because she knows her family..... you dont know her family. she is the one taking the chance..... not you.

who are you to tell her when you should meet the family...not trying to be mean or anything but something to think about

 

Well said. I dont roll like that either.

One important thing of note.... When it comes to WW/BM relations(notice I didnt say relationships), not everyone is down for the same cause. Even amongst this very forum.

 

I comprehend there are real world situations that one encounters.

However to play along with that is to acknowledge that you are somehow beneath her and not worthy to hold your own.

I feel the ideas you mentioned is one of the very reasons why white women later in life will get involved with a black man, compared to when they are younger.

Many kowtow to the family and social pressures and expectations. Only when they have reached beyond the threshold of maturity within their personal life they then have that ability to boldly make their own choices.

When they are younger, they are more inclined to bow to family and social pressures around this issue.

What you say is not without merit. However maybe it is just me but I cannot play along as a proud black man with that. No white woman is worth me demeaning myself as second rate.

I treat people with respect and only expect that in return.

 

my question is why on your time ? why not hers ?

 

no doubt. I can dig that. but my question is why on your time and not hers ? not being mean just being an asshole...LOL

 

say what?

 

why should she expose the relationship on your time and not hers ?

 

Its not about the time as much as the approach she takes with the issue.

What am I, a naughty little secret to be tucked away and played with when she desires.

Would she take well to me treating her like that as a woman in a relationship with a man.

So why should I as a man belittle myself by playing ball with women who function that way.

If she is not secure and confident with the choice she made in me as a man, then she ought to not be in the relationship in the first place.

From her description that YMRA posted, she seems like one of those white girls that is influenced by and obsessed with black hip-hop culture.

Personally I'm not a big fan of those kind of white girls anyway, they usually have poser written all over them. Just the types that change how they talk, walk, etc to try and be down. They tend to make my ears bleed with their foolishness.

 

Im not even sure how or why that was even a question or was asserted. Maybe I didnt read something in this thread. :smt017

She shouldnt worry about "exposing" the relationship. Just live life as you would if you were a confident, normal person. If you cant or wont do that, then play it safe and pander toward the bigots around you.

Then again, we're assuming this fictional person actually respects the black man shes with. He could be a "hobby" of sorts to her. Which in that case, the man deserves whatever he signed up for.

 

hell yeah. fuck that. nsa's like a mofo. LOL

lets get to the meat of this sandwich here can we ?

so what she listens to hiphop or raggae does that gives you a sign she banging bros 6 ways to sunday....People listen to "white" music from the black race but will not date em. trust me I know a few. I have friends who love the shit out of hall and oates but will not date a WW for one reason or another..does it make em racists ...NO. its their preference. ITs wierd to me but it is what it is.

anyway my thing is just because she likes the music doesnt mean she has to stamp it on her head " I bang bros"

If you respect her then give it time but she should respect you in letting you know the 411 and let you decide