Lock the door when you chokin' your chicken

So about 8 year ago during much MUCH happier times. I come home from work early. Now this was rare. At the time I was working for a Bio Tech company called BioVeris. They had just purchased another company called IGEN (the company that did the anthrax testing for the Pentagon). Now I was hired with my BA in Black History and my military experience, in the BioTech field something I knew NOTHING about. In short, I was intimated so I figured I would just WORK MY ASS OFF. When faced with a new situation the first thing you do is fall back on your experience and training. Well my trained said LEARN. “Go in early...Leave late” I was being paid an obscene amount of money so I figured I would earn it. As such I NEVER got home early. NEVER.

But one day for some reason I found myself home. The house was quiet, at the time there was only Junior in the house and he was in school. Mrs Ymra was at work so it was just me. I ran me a H.o.o.o.o.o.o.t bath, threw up some candle, grabbed my TIME magazine and just melted. It was better than Christmas. Those of you married with kids know what I mean. It was 100% me time. I was just enjoy my lavation. Just me, soap, water, and peace and quiet. After about an hour I get out of the tub, WALKING through the house air drying. I go into my bedroom slip on some shorts sat on the bed puttin some lotion on and I figure I would throw in a flick. I go to my stash and pop one in the DVD player. I can’t even remember what it was. I went back to the bathroom, got me a warm cloth, some lube from the end table pulled my short down and laid on my bed and proceeded to slow pull my way into a toe knuckle curling spooge!

I was just bedroom door open laying there enjoying the feeling of me. Taking my time, no rush...awwwwww man it was great. Very very relaxing.

...then I heard a noise. Wuzat! I didn’t hear it again so I wet back to my slow pull. But this time it wasn’t so slow cuz I was close. WOO HOO!

...then I heard a noise again, but this time I was so close to cumming I could do anything. Let me tell you ladies the hardest thing for a man to do is to STOP right before he cum.

...then I heard DADDY’S CAR IS HERE! FUCK ITS MY SON! And the damn bedroom door is open.

...I hear him running up the steps....and I’m .01 seconds from coming.

...I try to get up but my shorts were around my ankles. WHO LAYS IN THE FUCKING BED WITH SHORTS ON JACKING OFF?!?!

...I can hear him getting closer. DADDY ARE YOU HOME! Little feet(s) Running up the stairs.

...Well, as I trip on my shorts, on the way to closing the door I reach out think I’m going to just shut it

...My hand was still slippery so I grabbed the nob,

...hand slipped off

...my should hits the door, my arm goes in front of the door

...I’M CUMMING AT THE SAME TIME. I can’t stop...Spooge starts flying everywhere

...the door slams on my arm, my face his the door nob, and right before my son comes in I finally get the door shut.

...and I half get the word off “Don’t come in boy, Daddy broke the chicken” don’t ask me why I said it. I was in fucking pain!

...so I’m laying there, blood coming out of my arm, blood coming out of my forehead, and cum on the carpet, door, bed...cum everywhere...

...my wife opens the door and says YOU ARE SICK

...shuts it and takes my son down stairs.

 

lol I had a similar incident in my younger days. My Mother walked in me while whacking off, she looked mortified and quickly shut my door. I made up a real lame excuse that I spilled kool aid over the keyboard and myself so I was cleaning up smh.

 

milk?

 

lol you crack me up.

 

that's hilarious! oh my, haha i hope the wife wasn't too mad
-GG

 

Wow. lol

Only you, Ymra.

 

LOL. Lesson learned: Always lock the door even if you think no one's going to be home! I learned that the embarrassing way as a teenager!

"Let me tell you ladies the hardest thing for a man to do is to STOP right before he cum."

Don't forget we women know what that feeling is like too. Speaking for myself anyway, there's nothing more frustrating than stopping right before peaking. Agony!

 

welcome back, stoner :weedman:

as for clucking the chicken...i almost got caught in my bedroom, when I lived with my father. For some reason, he thought he never had to knock or ask if he could come in. He would just barge into my room whenever he felt like it. Sometimes I heard him walking down the hallway, other times he was on some ninja shit. Long story short, I didn't hear him walking the hall and was caught off guard as he flung my door open. I threw a cover on as quickly as possible and was like 'hey what's up?'
:smt048

 

These stories are too funny for words

 

Word

 

I didn't make this up either...I put that on my childrens en nem.

LOL...I walked around for a weak with my arm wrapped and a HUGE knot on my head...

 

choking the chicken gets rid of headaches. if you dont have a mate.LOL

 

Hahahahahahahahha!!!! Damn Ymra! I'm compelled to tell my own tale of 40 Wanks now that you've shared yours.

 

So you had to take a respite huh?

 

thanks sweetheart! haha I hear ya, that's as bad as someone walking in while your having sex. GA!!! THAT'S EMBARASSING, lol locking doors is always a good idea. Well atleast I know that now, lmfao

-GG!!

 

at least if you're having sex, ur 'being a man' and getting some ass (yeah, thats how we roll)

a man jerking off is viewed as a fucking loser in life

 

not quite, some women like to watch a man pleasure himself in front of her. ha true story!

 

My distant cousin caught me jacking off to this white blond in a playboy magazine that i stole from my uncle who was visiting from America waay back in the day (i was 19 then she was 16 ) and i was extremely embarrassed and couldn't look at her for days and any time i looked up and my eyes met hers she had this"you naughty boy" look. It was torture for a whole month and i couldn't wait for her to leave

 

wait wait for it....40 wanks and a mule