Annoyed-camparing interracial marriage to gay marriage

A lesbian couple that I am freinds with are divorcing. The on who I am better friends with in the couple advised me not to consider marrying my boyfriend as "interacial and gay marriage are the same". I was like WTF!?. She said that neither are socially acceptable and and that it would not work and that I should just accept it. I know she is upset about her situation, so I did not chew her ass out, but I see no comparsion between the two.

 

There are comparisons. lol However, clearly the lady is emotional. I would think that relationships aren't going to work if I had just broke up as well.

Had you asked her if you should marry your b/f when she was having a wonderful time in her relationship, I am sure she would have said yes.

 

Interesting. How so?

 

At one point both were illegal even though it should have been between the people who were in the relationship to decide if they could get married.

 

Point taken. But I admit although I have zero issues with gay marriage and rights etc. I feel that comparing the two are apples and oranges as sexual oreintation is not a physical feature that can be used against someone.

 

Exactly. One is an issue over how one looks while the other is an issue of attraction to what gender. Back in the 'day', I would have been so quickly strung up or worse for the way I look, unlike a person's attraction to a certain gender where there is at least someway to hide it, even if it's temporarily.

 

I'd say the biggest similarities are the arguments made against gay marriage today are almost the exact same arguments made against interracial marriage back in the early 60s. "It's not natural" "God made us this way for a reason" "It will destroy society" "Our children will be corrupted" "It's blasphemy" and blah blah.


But in this case it just sounds like she's jaded and bitter about her divorce and projecting. Which has nothing to do with interracial or your relationship. You would have been right to chew her out.

 

Keep in mind you are talking about marriage and not sexual orientation.
You can physically tell a gay marriage if the couple is doing the usual couple thing. Kissing and holding hands just like an interracial couple.
You can't tell if the interracial couple or the gay couple are together if they are not doing those sorts of things or don't tell you.

You are right about hiding it though.

 

I agree with this but the thread was on marriage of the two I believe. You can easily hide a gay couple just like an interracial couple, no? I mean I can't tell people are together or not unless they are doing the usual stuff or have told me they are.

 

How are they not the same o_0?

 

so only marriages that are socially acceptable work?

I think she's just trying to bring you down to her level of pain right now. IR between BM/WW are not liked, but I would rather be in my shoes than a gay person wanting to be married.

 

Probably, she is just sad and having a bad time

 

i dont know but ur frnd might jst b right. we jst broke up me and my white gurlfrnd must of the reason y is because of what ppl thinnk abwt the relationship than what we think abwt it, and its jst driving us crazy.
:smt011

 

This works wonders.

Eh? Well, welcome aboard. And...please do enlighten us with your story.

 

In my opinion you should drop the friend. I get she's hurt but instead of saying relationships don't work in general she had to make it about race and that shows a person's true colors to me. It means she's not supportive of your relationship and let's be real two lesbian women got it far easier than two gay men or even bm/ww unions in my opinion. They aren't being kept from jobs nor are they being physically injured to my knowledge. At the very least no where the same frequency or degree of injury.

Did they break because they were getting to much outside pressure about their relationship?

 

misery loves company...right now your friend probably wishes you weren't so blissfully happy with your bf...she certainly didn't mean it to hurt you...she is just having her "down on love" time...

i would never compare the two different marriages...i would say as a society that marriage is not valued...it is a risk as many marriages do not last but the flipside is that some people do live the happily ever after and i believe that when people enter marriage they believe that they will beat the odds...if people didn't have the faith or desire to marry then we would all just stop doing it...if we approached things in life with the i'm not going to even try because i might fail then we might as well not live...

there is no shame in trying...at this point i'm not just talking about being married...where are all the risk with no regret people? :smt023

 

Just because her relationship didn't work out and she is bitter about it, doesn't mean she has the right to comment on aspects of your life that are poignant to you. How would she like it if you stated you didn't care for her relationship.

The more I hear people talk I realize how ugly the nature of some people are.

Interracial marriage between a man and a woman is legal in every state of the Union and while there are those who may have their own prejudices and biases about it, that is something they will have to overcome.

Your friend went ahead and followed her heart and desire and didn't care about what was socially acceptable or not at the time she married her partner, now all of a sudden she is concerned about what is socially acceptable when her relationship ended and also about your personal life, notice the hypocrisy.

It has been mentioned before but even among homosexuals, there are bigots who don't like other races. I would be weary of such a friend who said something like that to me, you have to wonder why they would make such a blanketed comment about a relationship you are in. That demonstrates some bitterness, resentment and disrespect, whether misplaced or targeted.

You obviously know her better than we do and her personality so maybe that is the kind of person she is.

 

while it is a fact that both are not liked, she just sounds like she cant handle being in a marriage as a lesbian, she shouldnt be telling you anything just because she cant handle something, should cut her off

 

Whenever I want relationship advice I usually go to people who are about to get a divorce.


They have all the answers!!!!!

 

Well if you let others influence your life choices then where does it end. Not every person is strong enough to deal with negativity.

I've mentioned this previously but it is worth reiterating, many white women are not accustomed to being viewed at in a negative light in society as a whole. So some are not strong enough to handle the scrutiny, questions and ignorance they may encounter, especially if they grew up in a very sheltered, favorable environment where they're accustomed to being looked at highly.

As has been emphasized on here before it requires strong, focused, loving, committed individuals to be in an interracial relationship for the long haul success.

I'm a black man so I'm accustomed to dealing with bullshit, little phases me when it comes to ignorance, bigotry and stereotypes. I can care less about the opinions of others, because like I say if they don't pay my bills, they ought to be minding their own business.

I can't be with a white woman that is always paranoid about people in public, perception of her by others, hesitant or tentative about being in an interracial relationship. If she possesses these qualities I'll be rolling because she is not comfortable in her own self and more concerned with and value what others have to say about her than carving her own path as an individual.