Independent Women

Something that Ymra said on another thread got me thinking. Gotta love this board for that .

What does is mean for a woman to be independent? I was married for a very long time and was in a partnership, not a host/parasite relationship. Here is what it means to me for a woman to be idependent:

1. Can financially support herself and half of the cost of raising kids if applicable.

2. Has her own interests and hobbies

3. Has and is not afraid to speak her mind and to stand up intellectually

4. Enjoys and cherishes a man in her life, but can be happy and function on her own.

I am curious to see what the responses of BOTH genders are on this topic

 

Independence is about being confident and measured in your own thought and perspective. Everything else flows from that.

 

The word independent women seems a disservice to women, I think.

It creates sort of a distinction amongst them. The term evokes an idea that some are kept women. Modern economy has moved beyond gender debates and qualities beyond frailty and dependency of women because many women are outperforming men in many areas in the economy, and now earning more that before.

The term , "Independent women" might have empowered women at a certain point in the history of women emancipation, I think now the term might now be a bit dated. But if one has to use it, then it would apply more to unmarried women, and for married women, another another would be more appropriate.

 

Apparently I have to spread some rep around but you make a very good point naija

IT's almost like the term is passe now.

 

I think everybody had good points and I think Bosox was merely responding to some discussions around here.
The term may mean what ever we deem it to mean and obviously an "independent woman" in the 1800s or the 50s is different from today.

But given that women have a tendency, more so than men, to rely on their partner for may things (I dont mean economically here) - it is a good question. I think we as a gender tend to loose ourselves more into our partners interest etc than men do.

So to me, it means: having interests, hobbies, thoughts and ideas that is not a mere reflection of our partner but clearly our own, i.e., independence for a woman, to me, is merely on an emotional basis today. This is clearly something that is more and more common today than just a few decades ago, but still a good question.

Independent to me, does not mean I don't need a man, whether I can pay my mortgage and feed my kids etc by myself. I need a man to emotionally fulfill me, note that I don't mean you are incomplete w/o a man. I think you need to be emotionally complete to be able to receive and give love in a fruitful way. I simply mean that most human beings long for a partner that understands them but allows them to be who they are, and independence is not contrary to that.

Some women take it to an extreme and that is not independence imo.
There are men that loose themselves in relationships as well, and that is not independence either.

Of course, when you are in an established relationship, in time, your interests and his etc, will become more or less merged because you have common goals. At best. At worst, someone is loosing their identity and that its not independence anymore.

 

Independence within a relationship, to me, means feeling secure enough with your partner to be able to live your own life and pursue your own interests.

Everyone sees those couples who are clingy/needy/co-dependent... and you hear that line "I can't live without you" or "I need you"... being independent means you CAN live without them, you just don't want to.

 

For me an independent woman doesn't need her man, she choose to be with him...

and if he treats her bad she is GONE

 

When I actually meet a woman who will go 50/50 and not just say it then I'll believe in the whole independent woman mythos.
Most women still love gender roles as long as the man follows his role of provider and protector.
Since we're on this topic I'm curious to know what you ladies believe your role is on a first date or even on the second or third.
I've always been told a gentleman holds doors pulls out chairs(even though that's a little oudated), brings up interesting dinner convo and pays for the date.
So what's a woman's duty?

 

Hope I answered you sufficiently

 

Yes very well put thanks

 

On the first or 30th date, I am happy (& expect) to pay my way and even foot the entire bill. I have no expectations of the man paying for me.

If he is chivalrous and enjoys holding open doors or pulling out chairs, I will think it's sweet but certainly not necessary.

In short, my duty as the woman is the same as the man's and that is to learn about the person sitting across from me, be open and willing to share a bit about myself. At the end of the night, we each pay our own way and that's it.

 

My dad wud NOT be proud if I got someone to provide for me, he expects more from me than that, and so do I..

I do not have one single female friend who likes gender roles, the men do however...

 

Is your dad okay with the fact you prefer to date BMs?

 

Conceptually, of course I agree with your remarks. Independence is an attractive attribute. What man wouldn't want a lady with whom he can have have discourse and discussions, rather than a puppet. Who wouldn't want to know that, God forbid, if something befell the husband or significant other and kids were involved, that the lady could move forward with the family in a stable environment. I also can't imagine a loving partner who wouldn't want to support his significant other in pursuing her own interests, career and friends.

It often, please note not always, seems though, that the word "independent" is used by women as code for, I'll do what I want, when I want, like I want. When women feel the need to announce, unprompted by circumstance or issues with her partner, that she is an independent woman, it does give me pause. Personally, I have never felt the need to tell a partner that I'm strong, independent, dependable, that I don't accept poor behaviour, or any number of things. I let my actions and examples in our relationship speak to these matters. I choose a partner that I believe has the attributes I seek and I wait for the relationship to unfold and reveal if we're compatible. It doesn't mean that any subject should be off limits but I don't want to prematurely create issues before we get to know each other also.

My view of independence in a relationship is that in all matters I think as much about my partner as myself, and that I'm secure enough to be open to true compromise. If you believe that this is an equal part of independence as well then I agree with you and I welcome a partner that displays this kind of independence.

 

Of course he is!! Y wudn't he be?

 

Then your man is lucky as hell kid. Wish more women were like the women on here.

 

Thank you MF, I hope that you get to meet more women like that. Perhaps you should try Canada, all my friends feel the same way I do lol.

 

a lot of women take Independence to think the me myself and I attitude and I only count and damn everyone else. they believe in fight just for fiting sake to show they can be independent.

The best thing is interdepence..where both are independent but still trust and rely on eachother.

for some women or maybe all being independent is used at their convenience

 

I'm old fashioned in that sense where I still believe in gender roles.

I love when a man is a gentleman (holding the door etc).

I believe a man should pay on the first date. I can pay later....

It's hard cause a lot of the roles have been confused or shall we say, "equal". Not like I'm trying to be barefoot and pregnant, but if I were to marry a dude who went to work, I would love to be a stay-at-home mother.

 

Completely agree with the bolded statement. That is more along the lines of what I feel is be a self-sufficent female. Now Where did the kiss on the cheek smilie go ????