Anyone else refuse to date?

So, it's a long drawn out three year story. But suffice it to say, I am officially done dating. Seems like an odd thing to come out of my mouth, especially for anyone who knows me, but I just don't feel like wasting my time anymore. It's a combination of being screwed over multiple times, finding the wrong guys in the wrong places, and finally putting my kids ahead of ALL of my own needs. Anyone else refuse to date? If so, why? Believe it or not, this also includes abstinence...no friends with benefits, etc. Personal decision to not have sex again unless THE ONE falls into my lap and I have to reverse my non-dating policy. But that would be a very big "IF" it literally falls in my lap. Am I alone in the world??

 

I'm done dating simply because I just see it as a hassle. IDK about other areas but Atlanta really sucks. I enjoy being single so I'm having fun right now. But I would like for that one great person to find me or me find them. I may have to move somewhere new and get a feel for something new. Right now good quality women are rare in my area.

 

No, you aren't alone. I'm done dating for quite awhile. Besides the fact that there are some things in my life that I need to get straightened out first, I just don't want the hassle. I haven't found a guy who is truly ready to date and who is honest and forthright about their intentions yet.

I'm doing being screwed over by men.

Now, if a certain someone wants to date, then I'd date him, but that ain't happening, so I'm done dating for awhile.

 

It shouldn't be such a hassle, right?! Maybe my standards have been skewed from my past experiences, or maybe they've been raised, I don't know. But I'm now okay with being alone for the rest of my days, which is a very strange place to be indeed.

 

No, it shouldn't be such a hassle!

I don't know what happened, but dating SUCKS right now. It completely and utterly sucks ass right now.

UGH. I'm so disappointed that I thought it was actually going to be easier, now that I'm older. Oh, how naive I was!! :smt009

 

Lol Books, check out my response in the "red flags" thread...lessons learned over just the last year! To which I should add "is married, is from DC/Baltimore, and is younger than me by more than four years"...haha!

 

Noooooooooooooo!! Are you serious? :smt107

 

Yes I'm totally serious!

 

i didn't date from the moment my ex and i separated until our divorce. now that i'm ready again, i'm finding a world full of players. i think that i can seriously take or leave having a man in my life. i'm so settled and happy in the life that i have set up for myself and my children that i don't need anyone to 'complete it' so to speak, but it would be nice also to have the company of a man in every which way.

 

Sort of in between right now. Broke up with someone I SHOULD have stayed with and began dating someone else hot and heavy who broke up with me. In communication with the one that I should be with. He just sent bothe myself and my daughter flowers to celebrate the birth of my grandaughter.

I will not "date" or become emotionally attached to anyone else until the ex and I either get back together or call it quits for good. However, I will see my "Plan B" from time to time while I am single.

 

For the sake of manhood I hope that you lovely ladies don't remove yourself from the market, just be as selective as you feel is necessary.

Now, bosox, who is plan b? Don't tell me mr wrong will get another crack at it?

 

Bosoxlady, with all due respect, you're approaching this dating thing as a teenage girl would.

BTW, congratulations Avo.

 

nope, i know how to pick my men, i seen too many women go for the same type of men and fall for the same tricks those same type of men play

 

Wow. I can't believe that! I'm sorry.

Yep, that's all I'm finding - players.

I am being selective, Sir Nose, and I can't find anyone!! :smt043:smt043

They're either:

- married and want to just fool around

- still hung up on their ex-wife and/or have divorce and/or ex-wife and kid drama

- have since decided that a one-on-one relationship is NOT what they want at this time

or

- are only looking for naked pics.

That's pretty much all I'm running into. It's sad.

So who wants to date when that's all the choices you have at the moment?

 

I think a lot of people throw up their hands at dating because they truly lack the ability to make wise choices in mates, OR....they are expecting so much more out of another person. I'm not sure why people are SHOCKED that there are players, and liars, and other non-desirable people.

Its by design

The search is not supposed to be easy, a person is supposed to prove their worth today. Women (in generally) are always searching for that next-big-thing. The man that will make their hearts swooon aaaawww...the feeling of love and companionship, and when they meet a guy who, on the surface, looks like he will fit the bill they give their ALL, long before they guy has proven himself worthy.

AND...many woman want a man to commit OFF THE BREAK. I believe you are supposed to date...and date often, and date more than one person. Now dating doesn't mean FUCKING, or SEX, but it does mean spending time with a person and getting know them. A man isn't supposed to be your one and only, or "Its just me and you" off the break.

I have been doing the "hanging out" thing for about two months now, its trying, a little difficult. I'm 38 years old. Women are looking for HUSBANDS, and LONG TERM immediately, straightaway and exclusivity. I'm looking for someone to go on motorcycle rides with and to the movies. Sex only pops up around twice a week.....(yeah I too get frustrated).

BAH...I am meeting some crazies, but I am also learning a lot about myself and enjoying the process.

So my take, if you believe "there aren't any good ones" and "you are the only one" the big problem is with you...and not with everyone else.

 

I agree w everything except the dating more than one person. That is simply put, so American to me.
I like to take it slow, I wont give you my trust until you proven that your worth it. I want to see how we function together. I want someone I can hang out with and do other stuff with like you said. It that is not working, I put the kibosh on it.
Emotionally, it takes me a while to "go all out". I wanna figure you out first. Now, you can still step on a land-mine anyhow, thats what getting to know each-other is for, shit happens. I just dont want to get into a "relationship" situation right off the bat.

Imo, if you date several people, you aren't giving anyone, including yourself a fair chance to get to know someone in a way that I deem necessary to see if there is something there. Besides the fact that I don't have time for more than one person at a time, I don't have it in me to do so. I will go on a few dates, and feel it out, if its a no-go, I pull the plug and date someone else. and with date, I mean what Ymra means, it doesn't mean sex at this point, it means hang out and get to know each-other.
I havent been on a date since early September so I dont really run around and date people all the time either.

 

I agree and I don't think any of us said they shouldn't prove their worth and that we thought dating should be easy. Everyone has to prove their worth and we all know that dating takes work.

But what I have run into on the dating sites I've been on is the stuff I mentioned in my previous post. And I also forgot to mention the guys I've run into who have serious mental issues. Found a couple of those, too!

The pickings have been slim. And I've been very careful with how I communicate with these guys until I feel I can trust them enough to give them better access to communicate with me: personal email address, cell phone number.

I've weeded through so much crap that I'm too tired to weed anymore. So I'm taking a break for a bit.

 

I'm starting to feel a bit anti date at the moment too, more because I have a lot going on at the moment and I'm not sure I have the patience or strength to get to know someone right.

I am not totally sure about what I want, I'm sort of scared of giving up my independence ( I do not mean big stuff independence) the thought of having to make a commitment to someone, even keeping a date makes me feel weighed down.
the relationship mindset is not where I'm at.

Plus I'm sort of a dickhead these days and pretty intolerant unless it's the kids... soooo I'm not really going to subject someone to that.

I feel very comfortable with doing stuff alone and scarily seem to prefer it.

Consider me on the shelf with a thick layer of dust.