Thinking about the reality of WW/BM dating

Ok folks, this is gonna be a long one.

When I think about the reality of dating a white woman, deep down inside, I know that you should date a person based on who you genuinely feel you could connect with, not what someone else tells you about dating. There are a few reasons why my parents dislike the idea and I try not to argue with them about it. I don't think I should express it out because I might get negative rep points for expressing those reasons out. Those reasons include but probably aren't limited to, relationship success, disagreements within American politics, the media, and what goes on in society that pisses my parents off.

I know at the same time my brain feels "sad" when it's confronted with the fact that my parents have to put a restriction on what women you could date. It should be any girl really (regardless of her race) because any female that would like to have sex with you/hang out with you is better than having no one around at all.

The two photos below show the white girls that have really liked me, maybe beyond my skin color, but because they think I'm very attractive. Many people have said that I'm a really hot guy, but of course I still know that not all women would actually like me. Some just don't. And the girl in the second picture literally loves me. We met online a few years ago, but she lives in a different state than I do (I live in Maryland), so I wasn't able to get a chance to see her although she really wanted to see me.

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._497300447221_750322221_7195061_1282389_n.jpg

^ I'll get to what this picture is all about in a thread I'll create in the fitness section.

http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/66/l_f78274268431f8f2a8f4d24d6c287b41.jpg

^ That's the girl I was talking about.

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._130347577221_750322221_3182908_3267157_n.jpg

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._496246272221_750322221_7175100_7727739_n.jpg

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._496205757221_750322221_7174310_5699797_n.jpg

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos...50104000372222_750322221_7611268_585326_n.jpg

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._496204502221_750322221_7174295_3574385_n.jpg
^ Here's all the other pictures of how I look.

Also, my parents weren't even born in America, they're born in Trinidad and Tobago and became immigrants to this country. I was born here in the USA in 1991, so that's why I'm referred to as an anchor baby. That's why our culture/heritage is referred to as West Indian so that's another reason why they may have the perception of WW/BM dating that they already have now. Now, some ways to find some solutions to improving the ability for dating include:

Immigration Reform (Passage of the DREAM Act): This was a bill that didn't quite make it past the US Senate. It got support from 55 politicians, rejection from 41 politicians and around 5 voted "no opinion" about the bill. Thus, it failed by margin of 5 votes, although the US House approved of it. This was before the 112th Congress was sworn in on January 5th of this year. The DREAM Act was created to attempt to counterexample Arizona's SB1070 law, which was perceived as being designed to be very racist and restrictive against minorities and immigrants. Obama's administration and the Supreme Court challenged this bill and prevented it from being enacted, which is a win for us. Immigration reform would have made the United States a more multi-cultural, diverse place with the inclusion of more brown people in our society. If we as a country are more diverse and tolerant of each other in the future, then interracial dating (in general, beyond what this website says) would be easier and the people who are prejudice/idiots/closet racists would become a small minority and we won't have to worry about them.

Getting Rush Limbaugh and other white conservatives off the airwaves: Plain and simple, these people have got to get off the TV to make interracial dating work more conducively in society, they're holding us back and keeping us feeling like we're in 1981 instead of 2011.

President Obama: When 2012 starts and President Obama begins his bid for re-election, he needs to win a greater share of the white vote. In the 2008 election, he got about 42 to 43% of the white vote, despite the fact that we all know we really needed a democrat in office to fix our economy that Bush and Cheney wrecked by giving tax cuts for the rich in 2001 and 2003 (which creates a huge income inequality within this country) and going to war with Iraq and Afghanistan because of the 9/11 attacks and to capture Osama Bin Laden and to find WMD's which never existed there. I'm hoping that in 2012 Obama can win at least 50% of the white vote, or perhaps even more if possible. That can show that we, as a nation are moving beyond bigotry, close minded ness and division as time advances further.

 

wow - it's very difficult to go against what your parents want for you and you are still young. I'm no expert in giving advice, however we have some wonderful male members here who should be able to give you great insights & perspectives. Especially in relating to friends & family who are are less than understanding. From your pictures and based on what you've written you seem to be a nice young man. You are in the right place. Once again, welcome & post as often as you're able to do so.

 

Dude just do what's right for you. No one can tell you what that is except you.

 

You are putting to much thought into this. Here is the thing, if you are so worried about what everyone else will thing, including your parents, friends, and those around you...

...then YOU AIN'T READY (to put it bluntly)

If you did find that lil gal to share you time with you would be doing her a disservice because of you fear. Trying not to tell anyone, trying to keep your relationship a secrete. That's immaturity and cowardice.

Coming from a whole different culture, part of your parents concern is that
1) You believe they aren't good enough
2) you believe, since you are in America that the culture you have a strong connection to is not good enough. You can still be you, be proud of you...be proud of where you come from and still love another.

Show them that, and the MAY come around.

 

This is where I stopped reading. Good luck.

 

I just can't get my head around this way of thinking. It just wasn't anywhere near complicated for me.
The first time I dated a black guy I was sixteen and I liked him, and he liked me, and that was that. It shouldn't have to be so complex.

 

Nah man it's not necessarily about everyone else, the biggest problem is that I end up losing family support if I do it, I can't say "eff my family, I'm doing this". I'm just wondering why that's even a problem because you should be able to date whomever you'd like regardless. It's just that my family doesn't agree and if I do it, they'll know about it.

 

If they love you, they'll change their minds and support you eventually. If you sit them down and say 'look, I'm happy. I want and I need your support' they shouldn't have any reason to force their opinions and their desires onto you. I'm Russian, first generation, but when my mum met my black ex boyfriends she had no issues with it. As long as he was good for me and made me happy, that's all that mattered to her. If this girl is educated, intelligent and loving, why should her skin colour matter?
You're what, 20 right? It is tough feeling like you're going against your parents wishes but SURELY as long as the girl you like is a good woman, they should be happy for you, regardless of whether or not she's white or Indian or Asian? As long as you're happy and she's a good woman, your parents need to support your decision.

This isn't about you going against your parents decision, in my opinion, but it's about the prejudices that your parents hold and their inability to look past something as irrelevant as skin colour, even when YOUR happiness is concerned. You need to be strong and you shouldn't let anybody dictate your life or your decisions. The people that love you will stay by you, no matter what.

 

Meh.... Ok then, you're right. Your opinion is clear to understand and comprehend. For now, I have a "neutral" stance about the WW/BM dating. By the way, I'm 19 years old, because I was born in November of 91, which is closer to 1992. I'm just trying to find a definite answer here for why things are like this for us. One reason that I do know is because of the income disparities by race that are present. This issue was exacerbated when President Bush took office in 2001. So as bizarre as it sounds, that's why politics does have some relevance with interracial dating. The table below presents the 2006 figures, before the recession took place.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0104552.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15704759/ns/us_news-life/

In my opinion, fixing this error is at least one way things can get better for us. We really must confront it and make a move to fix it.

U.S. Median Household Income By Race (2006)
Whites - $50,473
Blacks - $31,969
Hispanics/origin derived of any other race - $37,781 (around this amount)

This youtube video also explains my point about the economic problems a little further (June 5th, 2009 show), view this if you want to. He wrongly claims that Obama's wrecking it, when it's actually improving under Obama's leadership.

[YOUTUBE]in1AovV3zgU[/YOUTUBE]

 

This is the way things should be for WW and BM in the USA. I think the history of slavery and segregation is what keeps people's minds all messed up.

 

Yeah, you're correct man, spot on. Here's what this woman says here, if you're familiar with Ricki Lake's television show.

I'm not going to speak in favor of Diana or the black woman, I just wouldn't say anything about it because confronting the issue correctly is beyond our control.

I do agree with some of the audience members that the black woman's opinion is too provocative and radical.

[YOUTUBE]RAEpyyqNZ5o[/YOUTUBE]

 

This is so fuckin stupid.

So Obama's 2012 campaign slogan should be "Vote for me or you are a bigot"

lmao at this ridiculous crap.

 

Ok man, you're right. I probably shouldn't have phrased my response to you like that. What I do know, however, is that John Kerry got even less of the white vote than Obama did in his election and Obama got an even greater share of the white vote this time around in 2008. I think it makes sense to say that fundamentally, he might get close to 50% of the white vote in 2012. Look at Obama's job approval rating now, he's a little above 50% with the American people which is very good at this point of his presidency, yet the irony of it was that Republicans won in the 2010 midterm elections. The win of the Republicans was supposed to signal that Americans weren't happy with Obama's presidency and what he's been able to do.

The question I'd like to ask you, is why do the polls show that more whites vote for a Republican candidate instead of a Democratic candidate and what do you think that symbolizes? I know already that minorities tend to vote for the Democratic candidate while a slightly higher percentage of whites vote for the Republican candidate.

 

Pretty much. Or a self-hater. LOL

 

:smt043

 

I also have West Indian parents, I was born in Guyana, but grew up here from the age of 12, now 31 years old.

You have to carve your own path in life brotha, while you respect your parents, they should trust you to make the right decisions in life if you were raised correctly by them.

My mom has never had an issue with me dating white women, because she knows the kind of person that I am. A straight up no nonsense individual in my values. She trusts me to make the right decisions as an educated, confident man, because of how I was raised.

For me my attraction to white women is a personal taste in women I find attractive in looks and personality.

You can only live your life as an upstanding man that is focused, driven and respectable. Those are the characters that help to make a man, whomever you deal with in your personal life should be someone you are comfortable with for yourself. Your parents won't have to live your life, you will when all is said and done.

In 2011 America interracial couples are all over in all forms and continues to grow. The more it exists the more people will see it is two people that care for each other and just living and loving one another, nothing special about it.

 

+1

Not sure hold old you are but whatever your parents power may be over you, it doesn't last forever. You have the power to do whatever you want really. Even if not now, eventually.

 

Mikesandy, I think it's healthy for you to be looking at what your parents believe and value and then analysing your own take on things. It's not straightforward and it's easier for some than for others.

I'm lucky in that I grew up knowing it was okay for me to marry a black man. I can't say that all members of my family are completely free from ignorance, but I also know that I will love who I love and that's what takes precedence in my life. Those closest to me will completely embrace whomever I choose to love, and that's what counts.

I think there's also a difference between dating (especially when you're younger!) and a more intimate partner. You need to be so sure about where your loyalty lies when you marry, otherwise you risk constantly feeling torn and ongoing ambivalence ultimately undoes a relationship. But right now you're just looking at dating, so you can afford to look, think, and experiment a little.

It sounds like you need to give yourself the space to go through a process of understanding your parents' views a little more and noticing your own thoughts and feelings on the topic, and then eventually deciding what you're willing to take a stand on and what you're not. Good luck!

 

Thanks for the advice guys, it's helped out. Anyhow, all of that (dating and such) is most probable to happen after I've graduated from community college which is in the Spring of 2012. If all goes well, I'll be able to get acceptance into George Washington University. By then, my parents influence on me would be a bit lower since I'd already have housing on campus and a community of other college students around.

Also funkyspirit, thanks for the recommendations about the direction I should take. My high school was rough on me so that's what had me feeling down in the past. Now that I'm out of it, things are getting better and times are changing.

I'm thinking that a few days after I get to George Washington university a whole bunch of girls would "throw themselves" at me and it wouldn't really matter what race they are, as long as they look really hot, have a compatible chemistry/personality and they're very feminine that's what matters. The past is the past and the future is the future.

 

You're welcome, Mikesandy *smiles* You'll be fine. Things ebb and flow and you're still establishing who you are. Just hold on to a sense of yourself. I sincerely wish you all the best!