what are your personal "red flags" when dating?

When you are dating, what are some signs something isn't going to workout for a relationship. Made post a week ago about something, and I have apologised for this female I was sorta seeing in a way.

Now I'm a black male who is talking to a women from demark. She approached me at the gym first. I'm 26 she is 22 or 23. She is an au pair. She lives with her host day. His wife cheated on her. Since she lives with the host dad she told me the following, she spends his money, she spends time with him because he doesn't have a lot of friends, he takes her to dinner, he cooks for him sometimes. They hang out together a lot. She watches his two sons. Her hostdad is white and she told me flat out she likes black guys. But the things about the hostdad throw up a red flag a bit. Your take? I've kinda distanced myself a bit.

 

Rule of thumb: If you hear hostdad, then it's an automatic red flag. Not only would you complicate your situation further, but it'll endanger your life if the other person could be of a higher position or crazy.

 

Eh.
Its called host dad because she is an Au Pair. Its called host family, its just the lingo BBW.

As an Au Pair, she lives w the family.
An Au Pair is not only a nanny, its also means you have a responsibility for a young woman and let her experience the culture, bring her places etc - its not only to have a nanny, isnt like having an exchange student minus the school. You are meant to let them experience things and bring them with you on excursions etc. Also, the Au Pair family are SCREENED carefully as its very young adults that are being sent to a foreign family. So BBW - stop that shit.

If the mother left - I wasnt sure what really happened, and she still works as an Au Pair, then she lives with who ever has the kids and usually some cooking and hanging out w the family is pretty much what Au Pairs do.
The situation minus only the dad in the house is on par, nothing uncommon. If the dad is alone now, its outside the Au Pairs power. She could leave but given the circumstances for Au Pairs, it might not be that easy.

I wouldn't assume something weird is going on right of the bat, usually its not.
IF she is isolated, maybe the dad is trying to do something nice to take her out to dinner, I'm sure the kids are with them -or do he get a babysitter for that - that would be weird. Hanging out in the house is perfectly common for Au Pairs.n Or did you expect them to "retire" to their quarters and stay put until the morning?

Maybe you shouldn't date Au Pairs at all.

 

A Danish Au Pair = sounds like tasty dessert.

 

What I wanna know is how this dude got negative rep only two posts in!

 

lol...tammy going jordie on us...!!!

 

This whole thread is a red flag. Why do we fall for it everytime? Smdh

 

Sometimes the obvious just stares you in the face.

 

My red flags and I have a plethora of them

Mean Mugging in each photo

Every picture consists of a different hotel room

Thinking a bunch of travel photo's equals "cultured"

Alcoholic beverage in each photo

Middle finger or gang signs in majority of photos

All photos are at the same exact angle

No body shots

Thinks attending college equals "educated"

Labeling themself as "urban professional"

Refers to self as a diva

"all about the money, I'm getting money" etc

"Fuck niggas"

All pics revolve around the nightlife setting

Nothing but male friends and they are all like brothers lol

"I don't get along with females"

Posters of celebs, atheletes in bedroom

Updates Facebook status constantly

Likes their own statuses

Actively participates in the Facebook deadbeat Father groups

Religious people

Has no problem posting pictures with a dirty home as the backdrop

Children before the age of 23

Thinks owning a car is a necessity not a luxury

Has to consume alcohol or get high to be "fun"

Lives with the Parents while not attending college and has no type of money saved up what so ever

Abortion is her plan B

High end designer bags (LV, Gucci, Prada, etc) while public transportation is their main mode of transportation

Dirty finger nails, toes, ears

Label whores

Doesn't even make the effort to exercise

Thinks children cussing is cute

Women in the military or military wives

Active participant in multiple social networking and dating websites

Asks random strangers on the internet for personal donations

Uses Craigslist for dating

Works an entry level but is looking for a financially secure man

Aspires to be a video model

"Only God can judge me"

Texting or carrying a full fledged conversation during dinner

Constantly sizing you up to an ex

 

Gee, long list you have there.

 

Very internet and internet photo focused list!
I don't think this is a stupid thread to be fair. The OP might be stupid, but the thread itself could be interesting.

 

Damn! Where did that come from?

 

My Red Flags

She mentions having a baby early into us dating each other.

She has a bunch of kids by different fathers and has never been married.

She does not want me to come to her neighborhood to pick her up.

She can only talk at work and cannot communicate with me from home except at odd hours.

Her relationships status is "It's complicated."

She wants an open relationship.

She is bisexual.

She is married/attached but wants a black man on the side.

She lives in an all-white town and is only interested in black men for sex.

She has no appreciation for African American culture or is not open to learning about it.

She is unable to appreciate differences.

She does not treat service professionals ie waiters, secretaries, security guards and others with respect.

Her primary interest is finding a financially secure man but she is not financially secure.

She has no ambition or any desire for self-improvement.

A typical weekend of fun means getting drunk as often as possible and having to be carried out of the bar.

Religious women are cool, but this woman wants to force everyone to abide by her religious strictures and she is overly judgmental.

Her primary idea of being moral means judging people based on whether their sexual mores conform to hers, regardless of whatever sins she commits on a regular basis.

She is a princess who thinks all men should bow down to her and roll out the red carpet whenever she appears.

She has a lot of racial hangups.


She thinks she is within her rights to act as unreasonable as possible to get her way all the time.


She thinks that screaming, yelling, jumping up and down and making extreme threats are normal means of persuasion.


She is a perfect candidate for lithium or prozac but thinks everyone else is crazy.

She makes $40,000 but spends $80,000.

She thinks that showing love means buying extravgant gifts or that purchasing high-end stuff is integral to impressing friends, family and neighbors.

 

see you need to get out from behind a computer screen sometime, e-dating is not the wave of the future, it's still lame lol

 

OK, most of yours I get...but the ones in bold just flat out confuse me...

Owning a car IS a necessity. Where I live there isn't public transportation. I have to own a car or I'm not getting to work.

THEN you say that if they own designer bags but take public transport, it's a red flag. Well, I'd assume that if you choose to own a designer bag and take public transport it's because 1. it's available to you, and 2. you're pretty much of sound mind and body. If I had the option to save money on parking/gas for someone else to drive me to work, and then I had the extra money to buy the designer bag I wanted...then, heck yes I'd go for it (or shoes, in my case...but the premise is the same).

It's kind of contradictory. I just don't understand that...

Then, you mention abortion is plan B. Do you mean that you're anti-choice? In which case, you might want to say 'pro-choice women are my red flags'... If you mean it's because they don't use protection and just plan to abort if something happens...well, OK, I can comprehend that line of thought.

Why are posters of athletes and celebs off limits? That one just seemed strange...so I had to ask.

Also, you have some random things..the travel photo things. Generally, every person I know with a lot of travel photos ARE cultured...because they have life experiences and appreciate other cultures which comes from travel. I just don't get this.. Can you explain why this is a red flag for you?

I find people's red flags really interesting, and I'm surprised to see some of these on your list...others, I totally get!

 

Everything you stated had more to do with maturity to me. Depending on where you live because public transportation is far more favorable in NYC than owning a car but there are a lot of girls who put being cute above adult practicality. Besides in the world of dating you don't want to be the only one who owns a car it gets tiresome.
Btw what adult has posters? Lol
I think what he meant about abortion was he didn't want a woman who used abortion as a form of birth control at least that's how I took it.

 

I know quite a few adults with posters- most of them are guys, and the posters are in their 'man cave'- so I was just not sure what was up with that. lol

And yeah, I sorta figured about the rest, but that's why I was asking.

 

If her friends are trashy then you are in trouble.

If she/he has bad credit