Child Free by choice?

When I think about having kids in the abstract sense, I've always felt like it's not a high priority for me. But more recently when I think about it in the context of being in love and sharing a life and starting a family, the idea is a whole lot more appealing and I look forward to doing it one day

 

ol tony the tiger lookin ass

 

Thanks Tam

This is coming from someone who always said she'd never get married or have babies, so I'm slowly workin' my way there. I'm certainly in no rush, but the thought doesn't abhor me like it used to

I'm not a traditionalist by any means, but the idea of having children as an extension of the love you share with your partner resonates well with me.

 

LOL

 

I never had a ticking biological clock. Ever.
However, I'm great with children and they love me - sorry for the self proclamation.
I would not think a second about being a step-mom, or adopt etc, I would love that. If the opportunity presented itself.

 

The older I get, the more I don't want kids. I have never really had that great an interest. I think if I met the right guy and he wanted them (and it felt right) I could very well change my mind. But I certainly would not be upset if I lived out my life childless (though I would feel very bad for not giving grandkids to my parents).

Every time I visit friends who have kids, I remember how much I love peace and quiet and 'me' time!

 

I disagree, I'm not going to burden my children with taking care of me at old age...

I always thought of it as selfish expecting your child to care for you when you made the decision to have the child and they had no say.

 

Thanks, satyr!

I guess it means it is evident that it obtains in many cultures.

Thanks, Tammy !

I also believe the highlighted part of your response. It makes sense to think we have duty and obligations in the web of community that starts off with our family unit. Parents having a duty to raise and cater for their kids, and the kids in turn should also have a moral obligation to repay their parents, if not materially, they can at least meet their psychological needs in old age.

The need that someone would be there to bury you when you die, and before you die also that someone should be there to check on your welfare when you are old from time to time.Our human stories have meaning when it exposes our vulnerabilities and the strands and understanding of our heritage. I mean the family tree that holds together our history and our sense of connection to place and time in a world that existed before and would exist after us.

I think it is beautiful, if you can, to continue your genes through someone you love, and if you can't adopting is also worthwhile option.The whole idea is to pass on your heritage, your stories to another human being. I think we have meanings in our lives when we have a sense of connection within a web of community that is informal.

 

I get that, I just always grew up thinking that anyone could have kids - it wasn't a huge accomplishment or anything. What I mean by that is that I've seen crack-heads have kids and clearly that wasn't something they worked hard to do.

I do believe that raising great human beings is an accomplishment. Until the last few years, I just wanted to work and learn and enjoy everything else life had to offer. Now though..... Hmm maybe I am getting educated lol.

 

growing up i never wanted kids...i hit 30 and something inside me screamed for me to have them. as we know, i have 2 (and of course the most beautiful in the world). saying that, there are days that have passed that i have wished that i could just pick up and just be me and not think about others. if i didn't have kids i wouldn't be in australia, that i know for sure. but i would never say that i regret one second of them being in my life, nor would i never, ever regret having them for a second. they bring me a peace, love and a reason for living that i never imagined that i could ever have. i look at them and have this overwhelming love and pride that i know that i would never of experienced if they hadn't come into my life, and i know that i wouldn't be the person i am today without having the responsibilty i now have for their life. in short, i don't think you know what you are missing until you have it.

 

I would be so proud to have kids like yours, Tarshi. They're incredible little human beings

 

thank you whiksy...!!! and they haven't stopped speaking of you since you left. you've left an impression..!!!
:smt058

 

haha that's great! I haven't stopped speaking of them either, I've told multiple forum peeps how delightful they are Can't wait to hang with you all again :smt049

 

I have to wait to rep you again Tarshi, this is beautiful - honest and full of love.

 

Truth! I feel the same way, except the living in Australia bit. ;-)

I've become this mama bear protecting her cub. You can't realize how much having a child changes you until you actually have one (or more).

It's an awesome responsibility and one that I wouldn't give up for anything. Even though I'm bound to a certain spot, it makes me happy picking her up every day and makes me happy looking in on her when she's sleeping and she looks so sweet, I just want to kiss her and hug her all the time. :smt023

Anyway, I digress. Becoming a parent was truly the best thing and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

 

I'm pretty much 100% against having children- in a way that's going to sound militantly hateful, but please don't take it that way- I'm seriously menstrual, so however you read this, take it down about five notches. lol I also know what I'm going to say is going to be horrendously controversial.

Just so you all know- when my friends get pregnant and have kids, I get super excited for them! When they ask me to hold them, I jump at the chance. I'm the perpetual aunt- I'm fine with that. I love kids. I really do...but at the same time, I can't stand a huge chunk of them. lol

For me, my biggest issues are pregnancy and the fact that society has turned into this 'OMG CHILDREN ARE SO SPECIAL AND WONDERFUL AND THE WORLD SHOULD LOVE THEM AND BOW TO THEM ALWAYS AND FOREVER!' That annoys the crap out of me. Just because you want to bring your little screaming angel to a five star restaurant that's $100 per person, doesn't mean you SHOULD...no matter how much money you have. Leave the kid at home. No one is quite as interested in your child as you are. The same with kids at weddings. Miss Manners has even said- weddings are NOT for children. This business that people even have to write 'adults only reception' on an invitation is just ridiculous. It's an adult function. Just the idea that people actually call brides and say 'I know you said adults only, but little Jimmy and Claire would just DIE if they couldn't see you on your special day! What do you think?' and then throw a hissy fit if they can't attend.

That being said, the other half of the coin for me is pregnancy. Goddess help me, but I think pregnancy is utterly the most disgusting thing on the planet. I actually wince when I see naked pregnant bellies. Photos of pregnant women in bikini's make me want to vomit. I can't help it. I don't know why I'm like this, but I am....and I've gotten worse as I've gotten older. Trust me, my friends know, do NOT ask me to touch their bellies to feel the baby kick. Just don't. I might puke on your shoes.

Yeah, I know, just revoke my vagina card now. lol

 

Well, i can understand some of how you feel. i don't agree with the harshness you may feel towards other peoples babies but i understand where you are coming from.

i mean its an issue of how a person feels about. Not all childless by choice people are childless for the same reasons or are the same people individually.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-FAe3gINWk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZPdUnksUZs&feature=related

you have a right to have these feelings about pregnancy and so on.

i have heard women say "i'm not getting my stuff stretched out just for some man!"

Me personally its pretty much final for me. i don't hate kids. I actually really like family shows alot. i don't look at them as much as i did 5 years ago though. The idea of what a family (wife n' kids) can be does inspire me alot. but then my own personal reality sets in.

i like to look at family shows and WONDER what it wouldn've been like to have had an ideal situation coming up.

i didn't enjoy my childhood at all. i'm greatful for somethings but i'm angry and resentful about so many other things. and i feel the need to start over.

Living & working in another country-culture will give me this opportunity to start over. i really look foward to it.

i'm glad that technology exists that allows a person to be fit and healthy and youthful well on into their 50's. that's how i see myself. if you have the time and money and are willing to put up the effort you can really hold yourself together for a LONG time.

then there is the COST of raising kids too. i mean i would like to do somethings for myself for a change after i pay off some personal loans.

as i said, growing up, my divorced parents used to complain alot about how my brother and i would waste money and that they could've bought new houses and new cars but that we selfish brats ruined opportunities for them.

well i feel now that i'm grown, i can understand their frustration because i understand the money side of things, but i really feel that if they didn't want the inconvenienced then they shouldn't have decided to be mommies and daddies.

Also, sharing a wife and child with siblings-parents will be mandatory and i feel the need to PROTECT myself and people from the dysfunction in family, not invite them into it. its the only fair thing to do.

I also feel that again there is a freedom thing to consider.

growing up, i always got caught up in power struggles between parents and their families that had nothing to do with me, and all the competitive energy hurt me in the end permanently.

the only concern for me would be filling in the GAP of not having kids. again i say doing serious charity work is the best thing to do as far as filling in the gap and connecting to others. and doing something meaningful

again a friend of mine told me that "in order to get around the baby thing with women you need to aim at the older woman (35 & Up) as opposed to the younger (22-30) woman."

But at the end of the day as a man, i hope and pray that i don't run into lots of women who turn out to be un-nuturing - un-caring stereotype of child free women, who are cruel, self-centered career first divas who wouldn't know how to love anybody especially their own kids if they were ever to have any.



But its a tall order though. it won't be easy.