Would you EVER date the ex of a friend?

I was out with a group of friends after work today and this subject came up. There were two schools of thought:
(1) Never ever
(2) If a respectable amount of time passed they would.

My take was no way. When I first moved out here to Boston, I went out on a few dates with this man, then I found out that he had dated an acquaintance of mine a few years before he met me. I had to stop seeing him as I felt weird about it.

 

She would have to be the most amazing woman I had ever met because knowing a friend slayed your girl is a hard pill to swallow.

 

Naw...can't roll like that.
The only exception I could make is if its a oooold friend I no longer hang with. And like Mr. Fan said, she'd have to be bangin.

 

Nope.

 

have a very close friend who ended up marrying one of my ex's...i didn't have a problem with it. once we were through we were through, why stop someone finding happiness with another because you were dating them in the past...???

 

I would if I wasn't close to the friend or say didn't live near them where it wouldn't be an everyday thing seeing them or being around.

 

I agree w this, I would have no problem if someone dated an X of mine, Why would I care?? To me, if you do have an issue w hat, then your not done.
If they would be happy together, I wont stand in their way. Its not high-school.

Would I date a friends X? I have, once.. she was an acquaintance, not anyone I hung out with, we just rolled in the same circles.
It was years later (about 4), she had moved to Colorado (and we had had no contact for probably 2 years) and she had moved her current bf into her house and was engaged. And she was the one that broke up w the dude.. so I saw no problem w it. She had a fit about it though. I mean stalker type fit.
It was very immature of her I think.

IF such a situation would come up - and it was someone that I REALLY felt, I would ask the friend how she felt - and if it was a NO, I would honor that.
If it was recent and a bad break-up, etc. I would not even consider it.

 

I had a friend of my bf over for dinner one time, just to hang out and talk. No big deal. My bf had a fit saying a guy should never do that with his friend's woman. If it's platonic, what's the deal? I thought his friends were my friends and vice versa.

 

I'm with your ex on this. Just don't tempt fate and let everyone have a good nights sleep.

 

No...

 

Just as women have a bad feelings about single women hanging around their men, guys are the same way.


If I was teh bf, I would warn him not to do that again. Why does he need to hang around his guy's girl. Why not find himself a woman of his own if he wants to talk or other stuff.

I think your bf knows and deep down you know the answer as well. He's attracted to you in some way and your bf sees it and he knows it.

You might think it's platonic, but here's a test to see if the friend thinks the same way. Just pretend to be coming on to your bf's friend. (I know it's pretty drastic, but it has helped to open many of my women friends eyes) If it's truly as platonic as you think it is, then he will turn you down and leave, but I'm guessing that he will be moving fast to pull down your panties if he thinks he can.

 

I/men have and should have a general rule on this topic.

Dating a friend's former girl is fair game as long as a declaration of "open season" has been called by the original male of the circle making the declaration. It is to be assumed that after a mourning period has passed, that said individual would allow the former lady friend to return to the sea or potentials. At said time, this individual shall make a declaration to the men of his clan and state, "anyone that may be interested in said lady is welcome to venture into that area, for the good of the species". Declaring "fair game", if you will.

Now human nature DOES, occasionally come into play. There are "those individuals" that have narcissistic personalities and aren't capable of comprehending the concept of general welfare of the people. They tend to keep anything they at one point could claim as their own as always theirs, and this counts for relationships as well.
EDIT: I should add that the situation I speak of would occur after a relationship has ended. Any issue with your friends flirting with your girl WHILE you date her isn't really the topic.

It would be considered unkind and probably dishonorable to not honor this person's wishes, particularly if you classify them as "friend". For this reason, it would be best for you to pass on any potential relations with your friends former lady in this situation. There are after all, plenty of other women out there.

It has been said that people in certain circles sometimes find life mates within their own social groups after another relationship has ended. This is far more common than some would realize, particularly those living in cities. Keeping in short, sometimes, new prospectives are scarce.

Know the code, live the code, honor the code. It's the man code. I don't know how the women's code works, being as I ain't one, but I would expect that there must be some reference regarding this topic.

 

I don't like the idea. I feel like it's my friends leftovers, although everyone is someones leftovers.

I remember I saw an old friend of mine and a dude I used to date on one of those club websites. Funny how we were no longer friends and how him and I stopped talking, but she knew how much I cared about him at the time.

 

Unless you're on Gilligan's Island, you shouldn't have to shop among your friend's exes.

 

I was thinking the same thing fam

 

I agree with my 2 girls here.
If he's an ex of mine, I don't have a problem him dating my friends because well, he's an ex for some reason. Of course if I still loved him I would like my friend to talk to me about that but who I am to stop people from loving each other? If they're happy and that's making me suffer I might prefere losing her as a friend but let them be happy.
I don't know if I would date my friend's ex.... hypothetically I don't see anything bad with it, besides the risk of hurting your friend... I think every situation is different.
I remember that one time my 2 girls liked the same guy. He liked one of them and they got together. The other one stopped talking to her because she said she betrayed her but... that's selfish to me... it's like saying "me or nobody". You can't control people's feelings. Of course the other girl felt guilty about being with the guy and they broke up soon afrer that because things started with a bad shadow on it. But again... who am I to stop other people's happiness? That sounds selfish to me.

 

Preferably not, but if we aren't in the same social circle, or better yet, the ex and I live in a different state/city than my best friend....HELL YES I would!!!

 

I'm two sided on this one.

I don't think I'd care if someone wanted to date an Ex of mine, if I still wanted them, as soon as I knew you had an interest I'd nip it in the bud.

But for people I'm done and totally finished with I'd be fine.

I personally don't like the idea of dating someones ex, the idea of having the leavings of a mate is off putting.

I have dated a guy and then dated the friend, but that's different, that's there problem not mine.

 

I agree with you to a point. it depends. If she was just a booty buddy for him then cool she will be a booty buddy for me. if it was serious then Im not playing in the puddy. plain and simple.

In summary apply the 3 rules

K.I.S.S = keep it simple stupid

Bros before hoes.

they are a dime a dozen thus go to another pond and fish

enuff stated from the men.

 

There is an unspoken rule about men or at least most of us and that is you dont stick your bamboo where your homie has already stuck his, thats just wrong