JUST need some education on this

all i am saying is this.

don't get your hopes up TOO high. because if you do, you WILL GET HURT.

trust me. i know what i am talking about.

my saying is always this. put yourself in a situation where you have a strong possibility to succeed.

Sure barack's mother is the EXCEPTION to the rule. but american white women like this are RARE IMO.

and you should not have tha attitude that white is right and black is whack.

for me its an issue of cultural programming and making an effort on my part to try something diffferentm, so that i can be happy.

You should consider finding an embassy in NY for your country and do some volunteer work there.

Don't go into a mainstream american white enviroment

and interact with american white people like this



as an african man and expect to get love and appreciation. it won't happen.
you will get hurt!

i say learn to be multi-lingual and go to international night clubs in NY and give yourself a chance.

 

you know. you are actually right about what you are saying. And i apologize if i have offended you in any way.

ideally APPLIAH should follow your advice and not mine in theory.

its hard to see things for another persons perspective sometimes. and again its probably wrong for me to generalize about white ameicans too. i apologize for this. we are not all the same however.

i'm just being brutally honest about what i saw growing up, what i see african men going thru in front of me everyday, what i see on tv, what i read and what i experience, and from talking to BM who live in Europe and travel and exmplain that

"yes black african-men sometimes get a bad rap!" "both in the USA and in some places in EUROPE"

APPLIAH should definitely test the waters and reach out and try to accomplish his goal. but if he gets HURT, laughed at and or teased i won't be that suprised.

i'm simply saying to counterbalance the possibility of feeling BEAT DOWN by a certain type of majority white american environment, he should put himself in a situation where he can have people around him that are capable of loving-liking-and respecting him.

and he himself should work hard to put his best foot foward and be the best he can be. i say the best way to do that is to get in the gym.

Also i feel the best thing to do, is to be multi-lingual (learn french,italian, Spanish, German etc.,) and to go to the international night clubs scene and put himself around people who aren't

american people, whether they be black, white, hispanic or asian. who are programmed.

"PROGRAMMED" and "WIRED A CERTAIN WAY" about what is desirable.

i see this all the time but there are always exception to the rule.



I see this everyday myself with alot of african men that i know personally that want to date / be friends with WW or fair skin black women.
and they all feel very BEAT DOWN and HOPELESS.



but that's just my world i live in. this may not be APPLIAH's reality.

APPLIAH could be a super pretty faced african guy with alot of game - tools who can pull the hot WW he says that he is interested in.

I assume you are a WW. and hopefully when APPLIAH goes to NYU he will encounter lots of WW like yourself and not emotionally beatup BM like me who could possibly give him bad advice.


unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world that allows a person to love themselves completely all the time.

i read alot times that beautiful people sometimes get depressed and think they're ugly or undesirable.

APPLIAH mentions barack obama's parents.



he mentiions that he hopes to encounter a situation like this where he meets a WW like Barack's mother. i hope he accomplishes his goal.

infact i hope he comes here himself at updates us on his progress. I could be completely wrong about what i'm saying

but i don't think i am.

So APPLIAH good luck. Let us know how you do. keep us updated.

 

i hear you, and what you say is very IDEALISTIC and correct. But is it REALISTIC at the end of the day for Appliah? maybe it is? I don't know.

i think its important to be realistic, to be honesty and to acknowledge prejudice and cultural programming. At to be honest about where it will be found.

here is a clip of NYU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dro-9mXQN5U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-wB3YJugbE&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjw9d3bE2XA&feature=fvw

only when APPLIAh goes to NYU and has experiences and really gets things going will he see what he is up against and what he is dealing with.

Appliah could have very POSITIVE experiences like these people have had.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL8wNI5N8_g&feature=related

but because of what i know and what i have experienced i fear very greatly for Appliah because he claims he wants an attractive WW in a very competitive environment like New York and he is african and he has already heard that africans get a bad rap. And they do. i mean its important to acknowledge tht not all WW are like the women here in the forums.

that's why a guy like Michael Blackmon can have a comedy career where he basically dumps on himself, his looks, his culture and so on.



Some WW are emotionally programmed to fear black men because of the way they were brought up. Others are actually not racist and want to race mix but because of peer pressure - family pressure they never sample anything even on a platonic level

others have super high looks standards and say that they want shemar moor, ll cool j, or will smith.

My attitude is if too many african americans have a poor attitudes towards Africans, i don't want to even imagine what certain types of white americans feel towards africans.

take a look. its just too ridiculous what these people say, but this is how ignorant people are sometimes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDICF9FFigM&feature=related


i think this mtv reality ep from the 90's talks about the dating game. and i don't really know if this is what APPLIAH is up against.


check out these clips.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyn8DDHTsvE&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YaqQG4WMhY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cmJscFXRO8&feature=related

at the end of the day. When he enters the competitive dating game around hot WW at a NYU environment. Will Appliah measure up? or will he fall and get hurt repeatedly.

because i could be very wrong

if Appliah were going to germany, certain areas of france, sweden, prague, and so on.

i would really have to shut my mouth. because black/brown men of all types in general from what i understand get respect in these places. we all do.

but if Appliah is going staight into a mainstream white american environment - the kind of demographic that we see on all those CW network shows.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wmwuxs2RRE8

then its important for Appliah to understand what he has to do if he gets beat down. and not allow it to get under his skin.

like i said my answer is learn foreign language and focus on the international night clubs and go at it that way.

 

well, you are entitled to your own opinion, as am I.

but its not necessary to inslut me to get your point across. becuase i undersand completely where you are coming from.

I truly wish more WW had the same attitude you did and saw things as you do.

you may be correct about the power button and my televsion watching. i actually don't look at the shows i see lots of promos for them. but we all have to be honest about the impact that mass entertainment media has on people in general and the way we get programmed.

maybe you and people like you are a prime example of someone whom it doesn't affect/influence at all. and i highly respect you this. you are the exception to the rule. you a really are. maybe its you life experience or you age or background. i really don't know.

lets allow appliah to tell us how things go for him. he just me defy all odds and have hot WW fighting over him.

he may go to a popular night club or campus party and attract the WW of his dreams who is not racist and he just may have a hard time. And then again he may get treated like a piece of wall paper too.

its called "we will ignore this guy until he goes away!" syndrome

clearly you and myself live in different worlds. but that's okay. i respect the perspective from which you are coming from. i don't know you so i can't judge you.

as far as shows that are unrealistic, you may be correct about how they don't totally represent mainstream white america. however shows like Gossip Girl, Smallville, the CW shows and the twilight movies and really all the soap operas/movies that are aimed at a young white mainstream (POP CULTURE) audience exist and are popular because this is something that a mainstream white audience (age 18-30) wants to see this type content.

its a reflection of what they want to see and what they wish they could be. if a mainstream young white audeince didn't really want this then shows like that wouldn't be on the air.

infact i think Gossip girl is filmed in New York City actually.

that's why there is so many of these shows and that's why they make so much money. other wise we would be fed this on tv all the time.




the bottom line is appliah is going to a competitive environment and wants an attractive WW at NYU and he has already heard the negative talk via the internet.

and i don't know if Appliah has the looks, status, the swagger to attract what he is after. and lets not forget other WM who want what he wants too. there will be other type of men there who are competing with him.

and i just want him to be emotionally ready to overcome adversity - and any possible built up resistance towards him.

again i say aim for the international night clubs and be multi-lingual. this way he has a better chance!

 

i just can't and don't want to see america like Bhayes see it.

 

well.

again everyone is entitled to their own opinion. i say i should stop posting. and lets allow Appliah to go the NYU and after being there he can tell us what he experienced.

becuase i acknowledge that i could be very wrong. but if not wrong that it doesn't suprise me.

peace!

 

Good ideia! in my own opinion you are talking like this guy is in the road of death or something like that. take it easy bro

 

Apphiah- There is some truth to what Bhayes is saying, being real and logical is a good thing but dont be a defeatist tho.

I have seen African guys whith attractive WW in America, sure racism exist and lots of attractive WW prefer WM or a latin guy but there are some who will give you a time of day.

My suggestion is study the enviroment b4 you jump on WW chasing Pool. Every battle is won before it ever faught. Learn the type of WW that you want to go after and know your weakness and strength.
Some WW love African culture and accents. I have seen some Nigerian dudes with fine ass WW b4,,,
Up your game, your dress, looks, swagger. Go to places where you will suceed, like reggae bars, weekend soccer tournaments with bunch of WW coming to support their African friends, Pan African or Caribbean outings or events, expand your friend zone.
If all fails and you're unable to get a good looking WW in Ny then move to another state. If that doesnt work then study hard get your degree and green card and move to Australia. Women from Australia seem to love BM a lot prolly due to not enough BM around their town.

Anyhoo, that is my dumb .02 cents.

 

now this is very practical realistic advice! thanks for contributing. you are a good MOD.

i was not trying to HURT or give bad advice. nor was i trying to project my own painful life experiences onto Appiah.

i'm glad to see that SOMEONE understands where i am coming from because i may be wrong about SOME of what i said but i KNOW that i'm not crazy.

Prejudice within the african-american community and Racism in America exists and is alive and healthy as ever.

Sure times are different and better than they used to be. Foreigners make up a huge amount of the american population now. but somethings will never change.

i used tv as an example but its really mass entertainment media (Radio, TV, Internet, Magazines, merchadise, fashion, movies, ads, newspapers etc.,)





i feel like american WW of today are much more open minded than they were 30-40 years ago. Women like Barack's mother are out there and you have to look for them in the right places.

Unchosen 1 has given some very realistic good advice. its all about putting effort into your game and going to the right places.

me personally i'm trying to become multi-lingual and then go to places like France, Germany, Sweden, Denmark etc.,

But I have seen too many African Men who were brought up overseas and abroad and get the SHOCK of their lives when they finally see how lots of african-americans and white americans stereotype them and tear them down and or misunderstand them.

i used the comedian Michael Blackson as an example. His whole comedy hook is his unique ability to DUMP on himself as an african.

and when i see him, i do laugh but then i feel really bad too becuase its my PROGRAMMING that makes me laugh.

The Disney Channel sitcoms, Nickelodeon sitcoms, The CW Network, MTV, Access Hollywood, and all the gossip magazines, the fashion industry, Pop Stars and the twilight movie series and movies and all the merchadising of these people/identities

SHOW us just how strong the young (18-35) year old white american demographic is as a market.

What we are seeing is a reflection of what this demographic wants to see and what they wish they could be.

This is why The CW Network is here to stay.

then we have the more adult themed shows like Sex In The City - Desparate Housewives - and newer show called Lingere on Cinemax


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phdnBKCgs9U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc5BqIWZjrs



So when we take it down the the dating game level (middle class-rich r poor) what we end up with is a very competitive dating scene in the USA.

Too many men and women in general feel bad because they don't feel ATTRACTIVE enough to be desirable. And they probably aren't according to what the IDEAL STANDARD is.


so money, LOOKS, status and so on all are very important.

and i have alot of BM friends who live in Europe and they claim that even in certain places of Europe, African men get a bad rap.

so to counterbalance this an african man should do what unchosen has suggested. Go to the right places, travel outside the USA, work on your game constantly.

 

Well well well interesting contributions .Anyway first of all i believe education is a real eye opener and believe educated white women( and i don't mean people like Sarah Palin who has a mass communication degree but clearly isn't bright up there) would not be too scornful of african men.
I am coming to do my masters degree in NYU(well hopefully if my scholarship application is successful) and i would assume i would meet attractive WW on campus so i believe i have a fair chance.
I am well mannered, speak good english and i can hold a decent conversation about any topic and i wont be cornered into going to a carribean bar or an african bar only i would broaden my horizon.
BHayes i know you mean well but you paint a very dark bleak impression of America and New York and i sincerely hope this is not the case.

 

This is one perception people have about African men and i wonder what attitude i am talking about cuz i am told some African-American brothers can really treat women like shit and quite frankly most African men are very respectful to foreign women actually some bend over backwards just to please a white woman so the attitude thing i don't know. You have a point in the food and custom thing but even in that case i think most educated Africans are not too set in their ways to insist their white girlfriends cook some "scary african food " for them or worse still eat them and i don't think if i had a white wife or girlfriend i would tell her to cook clean and pop out babies for me cuz i know i will have my ass kicked.

 

I think you will find, as with all things, there are those who have whatever preferences they do. Some will prefer African men, others prefer black American men. I tend to be more attracted to black American men. I know of many women who are more attracted to black African men.

I would think in the setting you are describing you would find women who are interested.

 

Real talk.

Don't come here expecting that you will have your pick of the liter. Or that WW will be jumping on you the second you step off the plane. You mentioned heading to New York for schooling? Let me share a dirty little secret about Northern America. Racism DOES exist there, but it's veiled in a manner that makes you feel at fault for noticing it and calling it out. Where the South is a lot more up front and in your face with its racism, the North does a very good job at hiding it but, it's still there. That said, if WW are your preference, as a BM, you are already severely limiting your available options. As an African black, you are options will be further limited. There IS a stigma, bred mostly of ignorance, toward African men. Don't come here with twisted expectations or you will find yourself very disappointed.

While IR certainly has become more accepted and common, don't fool yourself into thinking it's the standard. This isn't to say that you won't have opportunities to date WW or that those opportunities will be few and far between, just have realistic expectations. Some of the posts I've read here make it seem that you'll step off the plane and white pussy will be falling from the sky.

 

Same thing I've heard from several German WW.

 

Absolutely!

 

hey im glad my exes and my friends have taught me to cook and appreciate "scary african food"