Scenarios....

I was thinking to myself about my past relationships and why they turned out the way that they did. After I dwelled on it all, I started thinking people tend to speak on things in terms of black and white and alot of times people forget that theres a grey area in relationships (whether that be the relationship itself or the choices you have to make in a relationship). I was thinking it might be fun/educational (in a sense) to have others come up with scenarios and have others give their personal opinion of what they would do or what they think should be done in that particular scenario.

I'll start it off with....

(Men or women can answer this or any other scenario) Say theres a guy who has multiple kids with multiple women (he takes care of his kids and spends quality time with them) and you're feeling him. What do you do? I mean on one hand theres a good chance that something about him may be negative because why would he have so many kids by so many women. But on the other hand there is a chance that the women he had kids with could of been horrible women, but at the same time atleast he takes care of kids. What do you do or think someone should do?

 

I think many women (correct me ladies, if I'm wrong) most likely would consider this a barrier to getting involved with a guy given this circumstance. On the other hand, everyone makes mistakes. I would need to know more about him, is he intelligent, well-spoken, does he have a job, is he fully self-supporting, does he have decent transportation (decent doesn't have to be a BMW), is he decently dressed (clean clothing not necessarily expensive or designer)? just my take on it, I'm curious to hear what others have to contribute...

 

What's decent transportation?

 

at least reliable & not totally trashed out - basically someting I wouldn't be scared to ride in

 

No, I wouldn't even consider getting with this guy. I wouldn't get with a guy that had one kid at this point in my life, let alone several.

 

Too many unknown variable for me to say for certain Kush. For instance are we talking 3 kids or 30? However, essentially everyone walks into my life with a clean slate, what's in the past is in the past and it's not my place to judge on that. If he's a good father and involved in his children's lives, that tells me a lot about his character though, especially given that it's more difficult to achieve that when you aren't the child's custodial parent and it would be more so if the children were all in separate households.

Basically I'd go on my gut instinct, generally if there's something off about someone I feel it. None of the other factors Jenny mentioned would come into play for me, though the car comment amuses the hell outta me... I don't care what he drives, I have my own car, he can ride with me. But I'm coming from a place in my life where I'm not interested in marriage or more children, I can fully support myself and therefore have no interest in getting with someone to obtain a 2nd income, so my take on this would vary from someone who has an interest in those things. I think when you're looking at husband and father potential, you tend to have more restrictive criteria than you do when you know neither of those is an option. Age also would play into it I'm sure. As Russia mentioned, she's not interested in someone with a lot of children, but being that she's a young single woman that's what I'd expect her to say. People who consider getting involved with someone who has children automatically seem to assume they'd be expected to take on a step-parent type roll with the children, and that there will be Ex type drama to deal with. That's not always the case, but apparently it often is and I can see why that would give some people pause.

 

This is not a good selection for a single person without children. This person is going to spend a lot of time taking care of these children. This amounts to less time for you. It does not matter if the women are bad or not.

 

That depends a lot upon the age of the children involved Arch. Older children obviously require less care than younger children, and once they hit their teens they naturally start to gravitate towards pursuing their own interests anyway, which typically results in less time with parent(s).

The biggest issue that most people would likely want to consider is the financial aspects. Kush mentioned he takes care of his kids, which I assume would mean he's paying child support. The amount would be based upon his income and the number of kids, but anyway you look at it that's gonna take a bite out of his finances. Then there's other expenses that would typically be shared such as medical expenses, and college that would be on top of child support. So if you were looking at this man as a potential spouse, and anticipate having children with him of your own, you'd need to understand the financial implications his existing children would have upon your lifestyle. But if you don't plan to marry him, or co-mingle your finances, that wouldn't be an issue.

 

Your last part is right on. I didn't want to comment about finances but that is very true.

I naturally made my last comment based on my age. It is generally unlikely someone my age has teen or even older kids so that will mean the kids won't do what you mentioned. There is also the issue that I will want more kids.

 

Anytime you talk about children who don't live with both parents, you're likely going to need to consider finances. You're either talking about child support, or lack of child support, and both scenarios can impact both parent's finances.

I would also expect you to take the stance you did considering your age and desire to have children of your own. As I said the view of someone who sees a spouse and children in their future is likely to vary from someone who sees neither.

 

He can be my Monday night booty call.

 

:smt043:smt043:smt043

Always good to hear from you Athena!

 

he sounds like a catch...does he have a brother...??? :smt003

 

I'll add more details:
32
4 kids with 3 different women
college educated
dedicated father
A little bit of emotional baggage

 

I'm not sure I'd date someone that old but by the time I'm around that age I wouldn't rule this guy out at all.

 

Please define 'emotional baggage'.

 

also define "a little bit".

 

Hahahahahaha! I started to go back and add that FG, but decided not to... I see we're brain sharing again.

 

That thing women always have except in a man.

 

Emotional baggage is a foreign concept to me, I need some specific examples from Kush.