What do you bring to the table?

Interesting assertion my friend.
I think what gets you to the table and makes you stay are two totally different things. I would like to believe that if I lost my job or were terminally ill whoever was with me would stay. Those that are only there when times are good are people you can easily do without.

 

You're so full of crap of the purest nature. :smt016

 

I cannot believe that there are people who would actually leave in such circumstances. Even if I were in a relationship with someone I didn't truly love and was thinking of ending it, I couldn't leave if they lost their job or I learned that they were terminally ill, that's where my sense of duty would kick in and I'd have to see them through the rough times first. Sometimes there are more important things than your own happiness.

 

Shit we must be living on two different planets because right now we're in the era of "I'm in it for better but definitely not for worst"

 

I'm on the same planet, I just don't subscribe to that line of thinking. Believe me I understand the concept of sticking with it even when it falls in the worst category. What you describe is the self-entitled point of view that many people seem to have. I find people tend to run selfish at a higher rate than they run selfless... because after all being selfless means no guaranteed rate of return on kindness, generosity, or compassion... and where's the fun in that? If your number one priority in life is your own happiness and comfort, you'll pursue that at any cost and everyone will be expendable. I don't recommend anyone marry that type of person, it's just going to end predictably badly for you.

 

That's a profound explanation of what love is.

Can one carry that sentiment forever....is romantic love fleeting or enduring?
Do the conventions of relationships like marriage constrict or even construct or ability to love? For sure, I agree with you. The terms by which we come to together, or put things on the table might in themselves be flawed and antithetical to what love really is. So back to your question, If its not unconditional then I don't see how one can call it love. Which makes think of that Foreigner song I hated as kid from its constant rotation: I want to Know what love is. For me, romantic love is not unconditional. I wouldn't know how to love someone unconditionally.

 

The problem is that's how most are. The amount of people who cheat and lie is astounding to me. I guess all we can do is hope for a better tomorrow.

 

For the life of me I can't remember giving you rep recently, but it says that I did and must spread some around. Really great words there.

 

Hot. What's your phone number?

 

That's respectfully fair and honest. I don't think romantic love has to be fleeting but I think we need to be more mature in our dealings. We need to sop confining and restricting ourselves to norms that obviously don't work since 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. And of the 50 perecent that stay together I would say a large amount stay together either for the kids or because they can't afford a divorce but that all goes back to my orginal thesis. One must oneself unconditionally before they can truly love another the same way.

 

The kind thoughts and intentions are greatly appreciated my friend.

 

Andrae, I'm not trying to start a fight with you, but I wanted to ask your opinion on something based on the bolded parts in both quotes.

Let's say you get married and your wife pops out a few kids and try as she might, she just can't lose the weight she gained during her pregnancies.

Given those circumstances, would you end the marriage?

Now I know that losing a job or becoming terminally ill is way more of a severe time in your life than gaining weight, but I think I'm asking a valid question.

Please explain what you would do in that situation above.

 

My black ass ain't going anywhere. If I love you, I love you period weight has nothing to do with it and if you give me children that puts you on par with my mother as far as importance in my life. But keep in mind if the woman I was with did nothing to lose the weight than she's essentially killing our sex life and better get use to just affectionate kissing but no overall passion. Something similar happened to me a few years ago and let's just say I was as good as rope in a pool game. Attraction is purely physical there's nothing I can do about it.

 

You guys are no longer together though? right? Physical detachment can be another form of emotional detachment. Just as good as leaving, though you might still care for the person. I don't my wife to love me like her father.

 

That was part of it but she was 21 and very caught up in the NY scene where she wanted to go to the city every weekend to drink a lot. We still talk and do still love her. She lost all the weight and then some and looks ten times better than when we were together. We've talked about it and she understands because even though I lost sexual interest I was still affectionate with her, we'd make out every morning before work and at night before bed and I still sent her "I love you" texts but too much body fat turns me off. And incase you were wondering she gained 70 lbs in about 4 months so that was tough for me.

 

The dichotomy between being in love and being together is fucking me up. I understand being together and not being in love, what I don't understand is how ppl are saying they can unconditionally love yet find a reason (condition) to not be with that person.

 

I was in relationship that lasted more than a decade, I will always love that girl, if she needs me, she's knows she can count on me because of the stronger love that we used to share. Is my love for her the same, no, but I still have love for her. We just didn't see eye to eye on certain issues I deemed critical, as well as ones she deemed critical. Doesn't matter if your married, dating, whatever you want to call it, unconditional love can exist, these days it takes the right person & right circumstances. If said circumstances exist, even when those people divorce or split, if their real with themselves & their emotions, they still love that person, they just can't be with them because: insert the reason. A lot of people are just immature & child like when it comes to differing opinions, conflict in a relationship, or other things of that nature.

 

:smt038

 

An example would be:


You don't know everything about a person when you first meet them, you don't even know everything about them if you decide to marry them. You hope you know them well enough to make a serious commitment/take vows, but what if you learn something about a person, or a person changes along your journey together that does not boat well for you as person apart of that relationship. If you have been with this person for years, but just never touched on a certain subject, or they just have a new found penchant for something you don't agree with...you still love them , but you can't accept something that you deem morally wrong, something so against your grain as a person.

 

I missed this, that's what I'm taking about.