Healthy Jealousy

Oh I mention in my previous post that if someone doesn't "care" at all with what you do, than it's clearly a bad sign. Someone who honestly doesn't
care if you go on a sex spree is probably doing it themselves. So I get what you are talking about, but where I disagree upon is the ideal of "healthy jealousy", because if someone has complete trust in their partner, there will be no jealousy, because you know in your heart that no matter what, your partner loves you, cares for you, and wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
So there is no need to be jealous when you believe wholeheartedly that nothing will happen. So again, "not caring at all" and "complete trust" are two
entirely different things.

Oh I have been cheated on before, just once, but it still hurt. But that doesn't mean just because one my ex's cheated on me that suddenly all girls will cheat. All women are different, and should be given a fair shake and with no hindrance that one may experience from previous relationship. I would never place the sins of my ex on the shoulders of my new partner, because that's wrong and she doesn't deserve it.

So with that said, with the constant array of cheating that goes on, I know first hand what people go through, but I want my partner to know that I'm not like other guys and that she has nothing to worry about with me because I wouldn't do anything to hurt her, and I feel the same way around her.

 

I don't find jealousy an attractive quality in a partner at all. If I need to 'check him' by acting jealous when he looks at a girl's ass it isn't saying much about our relationship and trust and isn't saying much about me either really. To me it's normal to look at other people. I don't get jealous if my partner is harmlessly flirting, again to me that's normal and if it's beyond harmless flirting well he's out. It always starts as what you call 'healthy jealousy' and leads to crazy possessiveness in the end in my experience.

 

Excellent post. I especially agree with the part in bold. If a person allows his/her significant other to display a bit of "healthy" jealousy, who's to say that his/her significant other won't start taking that "healthy" jealousy a step further and a step further still until they're telling him/her how to dress in public and getting mad at you for even making eye contact at a stranger, and calling you a million times if you dare to go out without them?

That being said, I agree with Babybro, in that you need to have complete trust in your partner and they have to have complete trust in you, in order to build a healthy foundation for your relationship.

Getting crazy over smiling at a member of the opposite sex screams possessive and insecure to me (and would absolutely be a deal breaker for me). There are people who walk down the street smiling away at whomever walks past them. A smile means nothing more than a friendly gesture, IMO.

 

I think we have to be asware of semantics here and what some people mean with the word "healthy jealousy".
It also matters how people deal with those feelings and how they are expressd.

I think most people that has posted here have the same view on it... there are just differences what we call jealousy and how we account for people that dont care.

I clearly dont want to have a bf that acts out on jealousy, but I also want him to care and if I do something that makes him uncomfortable, I want him to tell me.. and I want hin to care what I do. there are boundries that needs to be kept and cared for in a relationship and that is how I interpret Jaisees post.

I dont have a jealous bone in my body, but I will check a bf that gets clearly out of line.... (I think this is where things gets grey what people call that, some would call it jealousy and some just norman instict) if its a pattern, well then... that is a whole other story.

 

Jealousy is a form of love

It only shows that the person really loves you a lot. However, if a person grows TOO jealous...then the emotions...all bottled up, will come out and lash out in the most violent form possible.

 

I love that, babe!

Not too much jelousy, but just a bit of it... makes u feel "wanted". My ex boyfriend didn't even notice if people tried to talk to me at the club... and I was kind of sad because I felt like he didn't care about me.... so yes, just a lil bit of jelousy is ok for me

 

Pretty much. Everyone wants to feel wanted. What differs is what makes each person feel wanted. There are some generalizations that can be made, but in the end, each person has to decide for him/herself how they want to be treated and what makes them feel desirable/wanted. Then, hopefully, they'll find someone(s) that automatically knows how to treat them or has the desire and aptitude to learn.

 

:smt023Thank you Schnookums.

Everybody is beginning to take this out of context. WE'RE NOT TALKIN ABOUT EXTREMES PEOPLE - FOCUS!

>HEALTHY JEALOUSY< is what we're talking about.

Every couple respectively decides the boundaries of their relationships. Not everyone has the same values in their own relationships.

FOR ME - I would prefer a woman who would expect me not to lust after another (my faith also suggest that I do not do that as well). I want my lady to have expectations of me that are more honorable than my lifestyle behavior currently suggests.

I want her to command that I exemplify the values I claim to have, but so wrecklessly do the opposite. In other words, I want us to help each other be better people...I WANT to be held accountable.

Not everybody feels the same. This is about what YOUR personal bondaries are.

 

talking about boundaries...what's going to be our codeword...??? :smt077

 

:smt029Beautiful, I'ma share a little secret with you straight out of the Playa's Handbook - When a dude doesn't care that other playas are gettin'at you, chances are he's too busy shoveling his own dirt to care.

...don't tell the fellas I told you. I could be brought up on Treason.


{Perfect example of when HEALTHY JEALOUSY is benificial}

 

:smt029Codeword is: GET'CHOASSOVERHERE!!!!

 

and thank you for knowing I meant Intrigued and not Jaisee....
Duh!!!
LOL
:smt007

 

:smt079 cumming spunkyspunk :smt060

 

What is...

What does "Jaisee" mean?

 

it's our new word for co-sign

 

LOL, Jaisee is a member of this board.

 

Ohhh! Makes sense!

Thank you for the clarification! I always noticed you used that word a lot, so I figured it's something of your own personal wording.

 

eh??? always??
LOL
I dont use "that word" a lot, I think you got me confused.
:smt042

I think I said "I jaisee that" once.. as Tarshi pointed out - its has become a synonym to "co-sign".

I will of course use it if I refering to Jaisee or talking directly to him, but that has not been very much at all since he just got back to the board.

 

I was going to say I'm not a jealous person, but then I realised I see red when my BA flirts with other women!!! :smt096

 

lol...i'm the same when spunkyspunk steps out of line as well :smt091