Why I usually don't look at BBW

Rep added, sugar. I got a lot of :heart: for the way your mind works, FRESH!

This.

 

How did I miss this one...??

 

Just look for the thread started by the guy with severe anger-management issues.

 

Now that is what makes of a real sober brother who has seen beyond the ghetto and it's little street-hip-hopping, trouser-sagging, cap-twisting, chest-baring, shit-talking son of a b:?:h.
In the long run, it is really not about where you stand but all to do with how you are standing and what you stand for. A pig on a golden pedestal would still rant like any other in the bush.

 

Beyond the cliques; beyond the flattery - I sometimes encounter a post that reminds me of why I still come to this forum. I believe a lot of people may have overlooked the depth of the post you made.

 

Aw, thanks, FRESH.

And absolutely, I know that it's across the board. Taking that comment out of context, I get why he responded that way...but I have seen it far more with WM than BM in my personal experience. I just don't always feel the need to go super in depth every time I make a comment so the entire backstory is there, ya know? Maybe now I should.

 

DreamingBlue (and ladies), don't let this pre-school brained crack baby moron get to you. You're a hottie.

 

I think that issues so intimately related to our concept of self (and our self-esteem) can often conspire to make a subject like this seem more complicated than it is. The over-reaching societal effects of things like racism, sexism, and privilege are not something that will need to be solved on a global or even national scale, in order for any of to be in happy relationships.

In other words, the heart of the matter is that it makes sense for any of us to want to be with someone who makes us feel good. (You know, emotionally as well as physically.) And of course, it does not feel good if you think your partner would prefer lots of other people over you, but is with you because they don't think they can do "better".

I don't know if this will come off as a jerk thing to say or not, but consideration for how shitty that feels has been part of the reason I've not dated a few different women. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, if I spending time one-on-one with a woman, and I spend the whole time checking out attractive women anywhere else I can see? Then I'm not into the girl I'm talking to, if it's not clear to her immediately it would be eventually, and I'd really rather not have someone feel like they're my desperation choice. I mean hell, first of all I'd rather prefer not picking a partner out of desperation.

Anyway, I'm not saying I don't notice attractive women, even if the girl I'm dating is smoking. You still notice other attractive people, but in my experience those other women don't tend to distract me much, if I'm happy with who I'm with. And I figure, my genuine interest and attention and attraction is something we can feel much better sharing. Just like a woman's genuine interest and attraction is what I would prefer.

Along those lines, I've definitely met white women who would not give me the time of day, because they were convinced of all these negative reasons for why a black man would show interest in a white woman, and pretty much those were going to apply to me whether they were factually true or not. Anything from you'd rather a black girl but can't get one, to you have problems with women of your own race and that's not cool, to you're only after sex (okay ... occassionally that one might be true), to you're an innate cheater/player, and if she gets involved with you there will be endless drama with all your other women and probably babies' mamas...

So these are women who are convinced they would only feel bad emotionally, if they got involved with me. And I can't really want to pursue them, because obviously I wouldn't feel good with someone who had so many negative preconceived notions about people like me. In the end though, I'm saying again that the larger issues of race and what not are not the core issue, in situations such as those. Or rather, they can be if you're campaigning for social justice in all of your personal relationships. If you're not, then the issue really just is, would we make each other feel good, or not?

If two people can't trust and understand each other enough that both can express and believe sincere admiration and appreciation, they really shouldn't be too bothered with each other either way, when it comes to any kind of romantic involvement. If that connection simply can't be made, I don't suppose it really matters if it's based on facts or prejudice.

 

Of course you do. That's what we all want.

But if you can't treat others with respect, no one will respect you.

 

I agree completely For the love of God I do not understand why anyone would think that only BM have eyes to see and hands to feel.

All of the plus sized WW, I have dated, primarily or exclusively dated White Guys before dating me. These White guys where more socially acceptable than I am of course. But these WW chose me and I chose them. No one was using anybody.

Those full-bodied WW where the best for me personally because they understood how to dress and carry themselves according the social situation. I was never embarrassed to be seen with any of them. A plus sized white woman that is curvaceous and voluptuous with a vivacious and confident personality is a dream come true for me.

But, I recognize that beauty comes from within it is not really reflected by a woman's shape or size. At the end of the day my preference is simply a woman that will love and respect me as much as I love and respect her. Any man that has truly loved a woman should understand this, if you are with a woman and your primary thought is how other men or society feels about how she looks there is a serious problem.

 

What about us skinny chicks? I gotta worry all day that I don't got enuff titty and ass!

Lol! :smt001

 

Exactly. I'm not skinny, I'm just 'average' (although average over here is a size UK 16 and I'm a size UK 8 lol).

One thing that pisses me off...

Guy makes thread about how HE doesn't like fat chicks, fat chicks get upset and defend their weight (and basically get pissed that this one dude doesn't like fat women), guys post in thread dissing chicks who aren't 50lbs overweight in order to get 'coochie points' from said fat chicks and then guys and fat chicks diss women who control their weight for the rest of the thread.

Can you imagine it happening the other way around? Hell no.

Actually, it doesn't bother me enough to piss me off it's just fucked up.

 

Lol, I see your point. I guess I'm average for my height (5'5) cause I weigh 140 lbs. However, a lot of people call me "skinny" or "tiny" even though my weight is actually what it should be for my height.

However, I don't think people should diss each other, but it is funny how it happens. You could make the switch of this argument of how some bigger ladies think wm don't appreciate bigger women but black men on average might be more open to it. For example, I guess a lot of us thinner chicks may feel that most wm like skinny chicks but more bm don't like skinny chicks. It is hard to compete WIT ALL DAT ASS which a lot of BW and some WW have.

I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I guess just saying it is always hard for anyone who doesn't have what the person they are attracted to wants. Everyone's got diff. preferences though so you will find someone who likes ya eventually.

 

Well you and LS need to bring your "skinny" asses over to NY where we appreciate that kind of thing lol.

You guys make some valid points but its going to fall on deaf ears here. I'm going to say something that will once again make me unpopular but you guys are pretty much the standard of beauty in North American and the UK. Young thin and pretty so no one is going to be that sympathetic except for the fake ass dudes trying to nail you. You guys will never have a problem getting a guy at least based on your looks and the tripped out thing is you guys are both willing to date average bm. That's a bit of culture shock for me living here the US.

 

Thanks Andrae. As for ur culture shock comment... yeah, I think Canada has quite a bit of interracial couples (ww - bm) whereas the US may still have less (per capita or whatever). But maybe thats because there are more black people in the US so they have more of a "pick" of other black people IF they prefer other black people for dating that is.

I know here on the east coast where I live there are a lot of wwbm couples, and most black people I know in general are half anyways.

But who cares anyways. We is all people lol.

I think it still sucks that thin women are the standard of beauty cause most of them are TOO thin. I think overall mostly "healthy" women should be the standard of beauty, if there had to be a standard. A lot of the models you see in magazines don't even look like most white women when it comes to features besides that they are WHITE. Like they all have big fake ass lips and tiny straight thin noses, and like green blue eyes and long straight blonde hair, not to mention they weight 100 lbs even tho they're like almost 6 feet tall. Lol, I hate fashion and beauty views. Sorry for the rant.

 

Shit I'll take average any day of the week. Way more durable and a lot more fun to see naked

Truth is when I visit my family in Toronto its like going to another planet. The concept of race is almost nonexistant unlike here. I think that's what helps to fuel the negative stereotypes that make so many of us insecure about our choices or those who might be attracted to us but like I said before many of the women make hopeful.

 

Exactly. Most people seem to misconstrue it when I make the same argument. Most models are waaaay too thin, and it makes them look sick to me. It's why I purposely seek out healthy young women for my photoshoots. My most revisited model would be considered overweight by fashion model standards, but she has an extremely healthy BMI and is absolutely gorgeous by real standards of beauty. No one except an asshole or an idiot would consider the girl fat. lol




She's not fat at all, but since she wears a size 7 US there's no way she could ever walk down a runway. She's too big for "regular" fashion models and way too small for plus size.


It's bloody ridiculous. Pretending that the standards the media has set are healthy is ludicrous.