Cheaters

I don't do filters but I'll keep in mind that some are more sensative then others and will refrain from talking to them but keep in mind we are adults and I don't get the need for being pc on an internet forum. Judgement doesn't condemnation in my book it just means having an opinion and if we're so easily offended by other's opinions then why even speak. I personally don't need to handled as a child but if that's how some of you want to be treated so be it.

 

Bookie you have a way of saying things that are true and down to earth...thanks for that!

 

No need to apologize TS, you are dead-on the topic. It was nice of you to share, but you opened yourself up to andrae's comments, which I think were absolutley fair--albeit tough to swallow. Andrae has the balls to say things that others think, but are afraid to say.

I think it would have gone over easier if you hadn't stated up front that you've never cheated. Saying "never" is always an invitation for scrutiny. In fact, if you scratch beneath the surface, I'll bet everyone on this thread who says they have never cheated has a story to tell.

I have to say that this is the kind of thing that makes a player tick. When she knows it is wrong but just can't help herself. That's a feeling of power that every man loves.

After all, for most men it is really all about the chase and the ego.

 

As long as we are being frank and honest, here is another example of why saying "never" is usually questionable. One could argue that a smart, careful woman would ensure that a man was single before she ever dated him. None of us are children, we're all adults and responsible for our own actions. I'm not saying it was the case with you Espy, but for some, ignorance is bliss.

 

Question; how do you REALLY ensure someone is single? Ask for their tax papers? Sensus?
That wont go over so well up front "before ever dating them" now would it?

That is truly the only way to ensure someone is really single.

Sure its easier most of the time, but honestly, if you REALLY want to make 100% sure - thats the way to go, and unfortunately, its not very productive to start a relationship that way I assume. There ARE shady people out there that go thorugh leghts to hide the truth.
Meeting friends, coworkers and family might not acctually be good enough.. and usually that happens aftre you dated for a while so its a moot point.

You have to ask good straight questions, be on point - and still, you have to take some risk in trusting people.
Being suspicious is good, too much, is not - be aware and have open eyes help - still, there is always the chance you deal with well hidden scum that might take you a while to reveal.

In the end, a womans gut feeling, at least with me, is always on point.... I will never ignore it.


But still, the question remains, how do you really ensure 100% that someone is single before you even date them?

 

I'm guessing it would start by asking the question, but it also depends on your standard of proof. Are you willing to begin a relationship if you don't know for sure (making assumptions), or do you require to have discreet knowledge.

If you go into a relationship making assumptions, you're taking a risk. I think most women who are post-30 have enough experience/intuition to know when things don't quite add up and he is hiding something.

 

Tax papers or census won't tell you one's relationship status unless he/she is married or in a common-law relationship; it may also tell you if one has dependents. That's all.

 

Now I agree with you, Sir :???:

 

How was he rude? It was absolutely called for IMO. That is the topic at hand.

 

Andrae wonders why he continually gets himself into altercations with other members, and is usually blaming it on other people "catching feelings" or being "sensitive". There are plenty of ways to go about being honest, up-front, controversial and edgy without making personal judgements on people. IMO, he goes about things the wrong way.

Edit: And I wanted to make the distinction that Andrae never says anything that I think but am too afraid to say.

 

I have seen most of his posts since he's been here, and I would offer that he tends to do just as he did here---tell it like it is.

I don't think he was rude to TS, but he called her out on what she said.

The rest of you IMO are sugar-coating it for her. Which would you rather a friend do?

 

I'm not sugar coating anything, I never said cheating or being involved in cheating is being a morally up-standing thing to do. Plenty of people gave their opinions in no uncertain terms about believing cheating is immoral, but only one person chose to make judgements on her character rather than just saying "I don't agree, but each to their own".

 

OK, sorry for putting words in your mouth, and I didn't suggest that any of us think it is morally correct to cheat. I think andrae frankly characterized her behavior as cheating. TS didn't acknowledge that is was cheating.

...and I don't think this is about passing judgement, but more just recognizing it for what it is. There is some denial at play here.

 

Well, it was more than just recognising what it is. He made a judgement of her character by saying that because she admitted to being involved with one married man and feeling powerless against it for whatever reason, that her friends would have to be careful with their partners around her because she obviously had no self control.

That's assuming a whole lot of information that he didn't know anything about, and painting TS to be a loose, calculated woman who would steal your partner for sport.

It was uncalled for.

 

This exchange shows a few things:
1) TS is in denial
2) Andrae is suggesting that if she doesn't see this as cheating then any man is fair game...thus the reference to her friends. It was a fair comment.
3) TS has a nice butt

 

:smt102

There's more you could go on to quote, but it's not my argument. I said what I wanted to say. Shoulda never got involved in the first place. Note to self: know when to bite your tongue, especially regarding certain members

 

:smt109and :heart:

 

back atcha :smt058

 

If I could rep you I would fam. At least someone else got where I was coming from.

 

I said hug, not kiss.