I am addicted to WW - how do I get (gently) weaned off this "addiction"?

Tongue in cheek reference to the word "addiction" of course...

This is my first post in here. It turned out to be rather verbose, as I just wrote out a "stream of conciousness" - bear with me, I'm not normally that long winded

Here goes:

Hello I came accross this site a little while ago, whilst doing some research on IR relationships. Like most guys, I do watch porn on the internet (more than just occasionally if the truth be told!). Over time, however, I realized that it may be having a negative effect on how I view/interact with WW.

My story about why I like/love WW is probably slightly different from most on here. It would be interesting to see the feedback (if any)I get from my post.

It is interesting to see how my preference in women has changed over the years. I am posting this partly to share with the community (hopefully someone finds at least a part of it remotely useful), and also to partly solicit "help" by way of consensus opinion, from the community at large. The irony of soliciting "help" from a clearly biased sample (from a statistical point of view) over the internet is not lost on me - but lets see what happens - hopefully, I'll actually get some good feedback.

I was fortunate enough to live in several different African countries (in an upper middle class neighbourhood) whilst I was growing up. BTW I am a black male (African parents). I look back with fond memories of those halcyon days ... Anyway looking back now, it is clear that as far back as I can remember, sexually speaking, I was more attracted to females that represented "otherness". I think Schopenhauer (the Philosopher) was spot on when he wrote (in perhaps more flowery prose), that "Opposites Attract".

In my youth, I was not in the least bit interested in the local African girls in my school. Instead, I lusted "vigorously and intensely" over images of women in the "Jet" and "Ebony" magazine (subscribed to by father). Women such as Donna Summer, Millie Jackson (Swoon), and Nichelle Nichols (aka Uhura in Star Treks - "Instant Boner"). These were exotic women to me - and I seriously wanted to "tap" their "collective asses" (If I may be allowed to go 'all gangsta' on you for a minute lol). I swore that when I grew up, I would marry an African American women - they were "the bomb" as far as I was concerned!

In my teen years (still living in Africa), for some bizarre reason, bollywood movies suddenly became very popular (I think Nollywood has overtaken Bollywood now). In this phase of my life, I was introduced to a new "femme fatale" - the Indian leading lady. I remember having deep thoughts as to whom I would marry ... an Indian woman or an African American woman?. Decisions, decisions, decisions ... Since the Indian woman represented more of "the otherness" (different skin, different nose, different hair etc), my lust gradually increasingly became more focused on Indian women, until I thought I had to obtain some Indian p*ssy at almost "any cost" (Ah, the indescretions of youth ...). I must say that obviously, I was vaguely aware of WW during this time (since our family often visited Europe/US for holidays), but WW were just a "passing curiosity" or "novelty" to me at the time (as I most likely was to them). I/We generally saw them as some pale people living in a far away land. They were pale because they didn't have too much sun in their country and it was cold in their country - and that was about it (naive and a bit simplistic I know).

Roll forward "varsity years!". I went to university in Europe and my whole life changed. There were friendly WW with an erm "laissez faire attitude to love/sex" everywhere. Also I discovered porn. I mean PROPER porn - not some semi nude girl like we used to get excited over in our youth. This was the "real deal" - full frontal naked etc, I was a changed man . Sex was less of a taboo, with WW, and I quickly found out I was getting more "tail" than I ever imagined - almost exlusively from WW.

Generally speaking, "the West" is a very highly sexualized society compared to (most of Africa), and sex is used to sell every thing from cars to ice cream! Having a "robust" sexual appetite meant that tail was never in short supply - from the friendly and so approachable WW. By the end of my first year, I think I was getting addicted to WW. I did recognize however that I was treating WW more and more as sex objects, and less as human beings - I mean I was never a jerk about it or anything, but I mean, I was not able to look at a white girl without thinking of "banging her" or carrying out some sex act on her, and I did not like that about myself - afterall, we are all human beings - here for a (relatively) short while, and she is someones daughter, sister etc. I beleive porn placed a big role in me developing this Pavlovian resoponse to WW.

Increasingly I find my self similarly attracted to Asian women for the same "otherness" reason, but (most) WW simply rock my world. The attraction is almost hypnotic. Its a deep physical thing that is coming from within. I can only try to begin to understand it, within the context of Schaupenhauers "ultimate aim of all love affairs". I must interject at this point and say that because I grew up in Africa (ironically perhaps), I have no baggage over the social construct known as "race". Luckily enough for me it is not really an issue in the UK where I live. Whereas in the US, it seems to pop up in the strangest of places ... like the bedroom ... wtf? http://whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9728&page=11 (props to you EspyInHeels and goodlove)

I think my attraction to WW was always going to happen because of the "otherness" of WW compared to me as a BM. Its probably natures way of building a more robust human gene pool. Dont get me wrong though, I'd still "tap" Queen Latifa in a heartbeat if I had a chance, but if you gave me a clone of Queen Latifa as a thick white girl, I'd SO go for the thick WW version. On the surface (especially with people with a lot of racial baggage), it may seem a shallow/superficial choice. But I'm just pointing out the one that I am most PHYSICALLY drawn to - It just that I sexually want the WW version. To this day, a thick white girl makes me lose my concentration ... seriously, I cant focus on anything BUT (Freudian slip, I wrote 'nut', instead of 'but') the thick thighs, hips etc. It is reassuring in a way to see some WW writing that they also feel that way about BM - so atleast I know its not one sided - I mean (hopefully), theres nothing wrong with me in the head .


The point of this rather labored post is that I dont like the way I am viewing WW as purely sex objects (maybe I'm thinking too much?). I have a steady girlfriend now who truly worships me and is always there for me. Note: she is not a WW and she is not a BW either. However, I miss the lustful/carnal pounding I used to have with WW - who seem to have little or no inhibitions (speaking about those I have been with personally).

The 'wierd' thing is that even though my current GF is smaller in size than most WW I have been with, she takes a pounding better than the WW I have been with. However, she only told me recently that she 'bleeds a little' after sex. I don't think I have felt so bad before, when she told me this - as I really do love her. So I "hold back" a bit during sex, and a part of me is thinking, maybe I should get some WW on the side, who I can really 'let loose' and get my 'freak on' with. My rational mind tells me this is a dumb idea, but a part of me is wondering. Ofcourse, it is also disrespectful (maybe?) to WW just to think of them as pure sex objects. My question kinda sounds dumb now that I have written it out, but I'm trying to find out how I can keep my WW lust under control - or maybe get rid of it al together, as my current woman is a keeper for sure.

 

ummm yeah.

....so can I get a number 2 large fries and coke. Three chicken nugget happy meals, and a Sunday.

thank you in advance.

 

Usually the first step to getting over any addiction or problem is being able to admit you have a problem. So, it is good that you have said you believe you are drawn to White Women for the wrong reasons. Generally speaking, that would be a problem that porn does have on society and sadly today's society is saturated in the stuff, making it hard for almost any man that takes in pornography to have a genuinely healthy relationship with a woman. (Note, I said it makes it hard, I didn't say impossible) Why? Because his first thoughts go to sex. I don't mean the average 'Oh, she has a nice body' or anything like that, I mean taking pornstar body/image standards and applying that hyper-sexualized persona to your own prefferences for dating. By this, I also mean a guy only getting with a girl because he wants to act out sexual fantasies on her, and if a relationship still forms in the inbetween then good, but the main thing at heart is eventually getting her into bed. Now take pornography and add the media influence of beauty, its standards and slant toward what is deemed sexually attractive and not, and you now have a perverted cocktail of attraction. I would suggest quit looking at pornography COLD TURKEY, just stop and no longer induldge in it. At the very least refrain from it until you can seperate something on screen with lights, camera, action and a real woman who is hopefully looking for a relationship and genuine reciprocating attraction. I'm not trying to be snarky, or suggest you yourself aren't looking for love, but it is obvious from your post you are suffering from a porn addiction that has made you to believe you have an addiction to white women and that you may possibly have to have one on the side for sexual pleasures.

But yeah, cut the pornography out of your life and filter what you watch on television, etc. Then you will be good to go. If that means even telling your current girlfriend that you have to cut back on the sex for awhile, to help you focus on getting over this problem, then do it. It will be hard, but it would be good in the long run for you and her. You already admitted to harming her a litte by being too rough. Maybe its a sign you need to take it easy, lighten up with what you do with her and or let sex take a hiatus for a bit, while you get yourself together. If really is a keeper, then I would think she would understand and appreciate that you want to be the best for her. Also, may want to look into finding some sort of online support group or something with people with similar problems so you can be held accountable and also know that you aren't alone in that kind of struggle - especially if you feel like this is the kind of problem you cannot tackle by yourself.

 

Phew!
Dude, I can summarize this for you in 4 sentences (as I did above) AND give you the synopsis at the end.

Here it is...you're just a United Nations horny m/fer!

 

Ah, thanks my Bro. Your chosen monicker (Redeemed One Jr) is truly apt - Oh wise one!. Seriously, I think I have to accept that I have a porn problem - kinda wierd realization. I think I have to go totally COLD TURKEY on that, cause it messes with you head. I have lots of outdoor activities that can helpfully help me avoid WW "tail" for sometime (I mean help me "rewire" my brain as to what I associate WW with). The other problem though is the DAMNED media, we (males - of all colours) are constantly bombarded by images of sexy WW 24/7 - posters, magazines, TV ads, internet (Oh boy!). You have to be made of wood (pun unintended) to resist the urge to tap some WW ass ...

Yes, I felt really tacky/ashamed about writing that - But I thought if I can't write that here, where else could I. At least on here I'm anonymous, so its not so embarassing. I am not into pain or any shit like that its just that with my WW exes, normally, they would complain if they were uncomfortable, or because they were more experienced, they'd position themselves in a way to kinda minimize depth or whatever. Ofcourse, I was totally oblivious to all of this. With my GF, she normally just bit the pillow and squealed - I thought she was enjoying herself. I dont know what comes over me when I am in "the zone" - I just go "hammer and tong" at it. I suppose sex is some kinda stress relief for me since my normal life is quite formal/regimented. I think I'll lay off the sex for a while with her and try to do something else. I am not sure I need support though - for one I'd be too embarassed to confess to be some "p*ssy mauler", besides I think I can get it under control. BUT, where would such groups be found if even they existed?


BTW, thanks for the helpful and kind words. Much appreciated. PEACE.

 

You could try a google search, or whatever search engine of your choice. I went ahead and put it through the engine, here are some that popped up:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Sex-Pornography-Addiction/support-group

http://www.truthminers.com/truth/help_for_porn_addicts.htm

http://www.throughtheflame.org/

Hope these can help!

 

*Oh yeah...and this part...

"However, she only told me recently that she 'bleeds a little' after sex....So I "hold back" a bit during sex, and a part of me is thinking, maybe I should get some WW on the side, who I can really 'let loose' and get my 'freak on' with. "


You have an extreme distortion of WW, obviously. WW aren't loose cum buckets to rip their uterus's because your own woman cant take your rough 'poundings'. Become a better lover, end of story.

 

Hehe, Kunoichi San. Genki desu ka?. Daijobu?

I suppose thats one way of looking at it. Problem is I have always had too much testesterone/high libido. The good side is that I am extremely driven, the downside is (most) WW => Carnal Thoughts!.

I can't tell you how relieved I am that WW on here are not jumping on me (no, not that way) to accuse me of slander/tarring them all with the same brush etc.

I know we are all human beings (spiritual beings having a physical experience), and I did not like the way I had allowed my self to become unduly influenced by the general media, porn etc in a manner as to start equating WW with porn/sex. But I'm glad you found my "predilictions" humorous.

Sayo-nara

 

Oh Tony! a pretty picture for me!. You shouldn't have

Seriously, this had me ROTFL

 

Im glad TonyS. came in with that gif. I zoned out after the first few sentences.

 

Why fight it. Learn to live with it. Ask Tiger Woods if he will ever give up his addiction. Just never get married.

 

You had me up until the last part.

Try again...

 

Translation: I think I have a big dick and WW are only good for the dick

 

LMAOOOO! Oh, Inner Beauty, what a classic!

 

It's a black thang.... a blessing and a curse.

 

*Bait Thread*