Cheaters

those are the biggest liars and will get ya killed

 

what I hate most is that women get sympathy when they cheat while men get raked over the coals for the same shit

 

Perhaps for some people but not with me. I would always want the truth, regardless of what that might be, and I will never fault someone for being honest with me. Certainly there are some people who would need to be told something like that as gently as possible, I am not one of them, I prefer blunt and to the point and that's how I was told. I think being a friend to someone means telling them what they need to know, even if it's something they won't like, and then sticking around to help them pick up the pieces if that's needed.

 

Not with me, I view one as no different than the other goodlove. However I think the difference is likely because many people see a man cheating as being only about sex, whereas they view women cheating as being about the need for an emotional connection. Therefore, when a woman cheats it's because her husband isn't caring or loving enough, whereas when a man cheats it's because he's a sex fiend who can't control his urges. Either way it's his fault not hers. That's not at all how I see it, but that is the perception I've encountered.

 

Of course you aren't judging, especially because you don't know the situation. But well you are very right, there are so many single ppl, why go with somebody who's taken? That happens when you are young and fall in love and u don't know somebody is taken and when u find out it's too late I guess. :-/

 

Been there, done that... and that's just rude TS, sorry that happened to you. You shouldn't have to start the conversation with 'so are you married, separated, engaged, living with someone?' because you would think people would just know that they ought to not date in those circumstances, but sadly some folks don't have good sense.

 

Actually i got to know it pretty early but I was gone already. He was just that awesome for me at the time and I dreamt about a future together lol. But yes, since then, I always made sure to find out if guys are married/taken or not. It seemed stupid at the beginning, but since I used to hang out with many ppl from the military and I found out that many of them are married but occasionally forget the wedding ring at home, ahem, I decided it's very safe to ask, lol

 

women get sympahty when they cheat? Thats news to me, never heard that one.

 

I think it probably falls under the idea that men need a place to cheat but women actually need a reason making it seem like when they do cheat it has more to do with something their husband isn't doing.

 

Poor victim mentality.

I think thats all bs - I see every cheater as just that, a cheater - man or woman.
Im glad I have friends who look at it the same way - You cant blame your own action on someone elses doings - or not doings.
I doesnt matter how dispicable your partner is, your still need to own your own actions.
Nobody made you cheat.

Like someone elese said, once cheating starts - there is a multitude of issues underlying the cheating action - that has to be adressed, either by action or leaving altogether.

Cheating does not solve anything and I honestly find it spineless - man or woman.

 

:smt038

 

Ladies, please clarify. If you are in a relationship with a man who is cheating, does it or does it not make you a cheater as well? Or are you saying if one party is ignorant of the fact the other is married, they are not guilty of cheating?

 

I didn't consider myseldf a cheater because I didn't cheat on anyone. The one who cheats is the one who has a relationship. If I'm single and free, I have nobody ro respond to for my actions.

 

Don't try and wash your hands.

 

I hear you TS and you make some good points. What is interesting is that everyone has their own way of rationalizing. For example, a married man caught cheating with a single woman could try to explain it to his wife in this way:

"She wanted what you and I have honey. She tried to take our family and our marriage away from us. I was tempted and I was weak, but I saw finally saw the light. Now its over."

 

I take the responsabiliy for being stupid and believing he could leave his partner for me. That's the only responsability I had. I didn't go there and beg him to talk to me, actually he started talking.
Then again, when you are young you do stupid things and I know we all know it.
If I could go back I wouldn't obviously do it, but you can't chance what happened right?

 

Some people, ooops, MOST people would think that, I think. But judging without trying is always wrong.
Of course, If my husband cheated on me because "he was temped" bla bla bla, I would probably think it's still his fault, because no woman is going to touch you if you don't want it to happen. Same goes for women, obviously.

Then I would try to analyze my marriage and see if and what I did wrong.

People aren't justified for cheating, but I know some situations that are pretty much stucked and that's the only solution somebody might see.

 

My point is that many people who have cheated have rationalized it away, and can say with feeling, "I have never cheated". Always take that with a grain of salt.

Hell, in Tiger Wood's mind he probably never cheated. He was a victim of his sexual addiction.

 

I know. Well, in that case, I guess they are going to live better, since they didn't even notice they did something potentially bad! LOL

 

I tend to agree. It's ultimately their choice and nothing you say/do will make any difference to that person. If they're gonna cheat, they'll just find someone else to do it with. It's not like you saying no is gonna save their marriage.

But I suppose that's still just rationalisation for our own hedonistic desires. :smt096

I've never cheated and can't imagine I ever would. I couldn't bring myself to do it. But I don't judge those who do, people cheat for a variety of reasons and I don't think it's always because they have stopped loving/respecting their partners.

I'm still also a firm believer that emotional affairs are far worse than physical ones. If my husband wanted to sleep with another person, I would much rather he just share his desires with me and request to do so. But if he was connecting emotionally with another woman and keeping it a secret.. wow, that would hurt.