Marriage and finances

Would you share your finances with your spouse such as a merge of accounts?

why or why not?

 

Hell no!

Seen that be the culprit of way to many failed marriages.
Its outdated and too risky imo.
My mother, who is 65 made darn sure during her last marriage (30 years) that they had split accounts.
They had one shared account that they put in equal money in that was used for expenses. They never had an arument about money.
She is doing the same thing w her now live in boyfriend.

Thats what I would adopt.

 

sounds like the perfect comprimise geeky. my ex-husband and i merged our accounts and we had problems because one would always spend more money on themselves than the other & waste it. if i were to ever be in another relationship i'd adopt your mum's approach

 

That's actually what I meant about the accounts with your mom. Maybe I misunderstood espy.

 

Highly doubtful that I'll ever marry again, learned that lesson the hard way too. However in the highly unlikely event that I did, I'd have a prenup to ensure everything I brought into the marriage left with me, and any future earnings after the marriage ended were mine and only mine. Being married to someone should not obligate you to support them after the marriage ends. Essentially, I have no problem covering the mortgage and my current financial obligations, and I don't see how a relationship would impact that in any way, but I don't want his money and I'm not giving him mine.

 

I think when we were talking in the other thread. I thought you meant something different. I was more thinking of having the same account for stuff like paying the bills or money for kids college funds. I didn't quite mean the accounts where you put all your money in and anyone can spend like crazy.

 

Seems to me that everytime you have one shared account - somebody is going to be less responsible and it just dont seem condusive to a good relationship.

I like the my money is my money and your money is your money.
Then having one shared account for expenses so that equal money is spent seems like a good way to minimize friction. Clearly larger purchases has to be handled outside that but its easy then to pay half each.

My mother was way ahead of her time and is very levelheaded - I do admire her greatly.

 

I always had a proportions way of paying for bills because one person usually makes more than the other. Maybe I should reconsider the half and half on the expenses. The other thing is the expenses for the kids. I know one parent will be paying more for the kids than the other.

 

I think having a household account, and then separate checking accounts is fine, if you can stick with that. But if both parties have access to the joint account, you may have problems, especially if one isn't good managing money. It's not the day to day that concerns me though, it's the long term implications and that marriage typically entitles both parties to 50% of assets upon dissolution of the marriage, whether they contributed at that level or not, that I object to.

Honestly I can cover the household costs on my own, and were a man to move in with me, that wouldn't change. It's my house, full of my things, I don't see why I should expect anyone else to help pay for it, since they would have no legal ownership in any of it. It seems unfair to me to expect him to contribute to paying for something he has no interest in. Essentially they're my obligations, and I'm fine with that, so there's no reason to combine finances.

 

They only split 50/50 nbecause their earnings were very similar. I agree that if I earn more, I should contribute more.

I have wanted to rep you left and right, but have to spread it first, waaaaa.

Hats off for you for the above. I would never do that though, I could - Im carrying all expenses now.
But if someone moves in - he better darn pay expenses as well. Half of all expenses and some of the morgage but I wouldnt expect half of it.
If he didnt live in my house - he would either pay rent or a morgage so why should he live for free in my house??

If I moved into someone elses house, I would not expect to live for free, I would pay my part whether I was on the loan documents or not. But I do admire you for thinking like that.

 

From your point of view, it makes sense. For some of us who may get married before we buy a house and do some of the things you already do, it might not make sense. A lot of couples do buy the house and put both names on the house and the bills. The liabilities wouldn't be like they are for you. It would be on both of their accounts. It isn't often a wife and husband buy two houses to keep both mortgages individual as well as the utilities for the houses.

 

For me, I don't have a problem with merging checking accounts. I think that it is something that the groom and I would need to discuss before marriage. I just feel that if I'm planning on spending my life with someone that we should also be able to handle our finances together. If I don't think that we could, I think that I would really need to consider whether or not I wanted to marry this person. Of course, I've never been married so I can understand why some people feel the way that they do, and everyone needs to do whatever works for them.

 

A shared account. Then again, to each their own. Whatever works for a couple.

 

Thanks FG, coming from you that's quite a compliment, admirable woman that you are.

I should say though that were I to move in with him, I would pay 1/2 of everything, and that wouldn't be negotiable. I refuse to not pay my own way, and whether I had an interest in anything I was paying for wouldn't make a difference to me.

But I figure I'm already paying for everything now, so one more body in the house really isn't going to increase that cost to me, so why make him pay. My sister just moved in with me for around 6 months so she can save up and move home to Austin, I told her the same thing. I'll provide food, shelter and whatever she needs, because it's not really costing me much more to have her here. She smokes though, which she has to do outside, and she does have to pay for her own cigarettes. That's the one rule I have with my family when they need help, I do not fund addiction of any type. But otherwise, I've got it covered and it doesn't bother me in the least to do that.

 

Oh stop, you make me blush!!!! Coming from you, THAT is a compliment indeed and I mean that, my sister from another mister

I do admire you for that, I really do - I think I would grow resentful if I payed for everything if someone lived w me.
Having that said, having temporary live ins to help them on their feet. yes to that all the way.

I have a guy friend who lived with me for 6 mo after his divorce so he could rent his place out and sort out his finances as he was taken to the cleaners.
He was an emotional wreck as well and sort of needed a little mommy style care taking.
and for all that are curious, he had HIS room and we never touched, cept for the occational hug -> for all that dont believe in men and women being able to be friends.
:smt003

 

I don't know, how your law is, but in Germany and Switzerland you have to share your money you earned during your marriages in the case of divorce- anyway.

But personally I have to say I wouldn't marry a man, if I know he cannot handle with money. It is a never ending story with problems. Even if you don't give him access to your account, he will cause you problems from other sides. Buying unnecessary stuff, taking credits from family members, friends or dubious people. It is senseless in my eyes. I wouldn't even start a romantic relationship with him.

The consequence is that of course I would vote for common accounts. I cannot follow that I love someone, sleep with him, plan a future together or children, but my money I am not willing to share.

 

Shared accounts for shared expenses.

 

my ex husband had a massive gambling problem so i would never go the route of having just one bank account and it being shared. the only reason our morgage and bills got paid is because our finances were seperate and i made sure they were paid

my sister and her partner have a system i would possibly use in a future marriage

they both have thier own current account and ISA's but they then have a joint account that each pays 50% of thier wages into ( its done on a percentage as he earns more than she does ) the morgage, tv, phone, electricity and car payments come out of there

my sister sorts out the dogs stuff and the weekly shop, petrol and the like and he will pay her back half at a later date

it means they both have a good amount of personal funds left over ach month to do thier own thing with.

holidays and large purchases are discussed and money put aside for with each making equal contribution

 

We have a joint account for bills and separate accounts for fun. No money problems here.