Men-Women Roles....what's your take?

yep my dad preferred to have an "allowance" he didnt have time to be sorting bills, chasing payment for work he had done, the weekly shop and the like
the money my mum got out the bank for him each week he used for beer at the pub, bacon sarnies etc. my mum took care of getting him new clothes, furniture and food as he had zero desire in setting foot in a shop

if my mum had to make a large purchase they would discus it first and she would give him the recipt for the records book

my other half like that, he will tell me stuff that needs to go on the weekly shopping list but hates going with me so i do it alone. i also pick up about 70% of his clothing, i know what he likes and dont mind getting it if needs be. if he wants something specific then he will go sort it

im also the one who keeps track of what bill needs paying and when and of course i handle payment ( hes currently out of work )

 

Robina, I digg that. It seems to me couples like that actually last longer. I don't have scientific evidence to back that up, just personal observation.

Relationships like that display a lot of trust in one another and clearly reflects the reliance on one another. I think those are the relationships that last vs. the "I'm - independent-minded" couples.

 

You know I could never hate you, and you don't have any reason to feel guilty. I've only had a couple of guys tell me that was the reason. I think they thought they could handle it, but then there was that part of them that felt like you do. The thing is that even if I made more money, I wouldn't try to become the 'man' of the house. That's still reserved for the person that has testicles.

 

:smt081...my baby-boo is always so eloquent!

...it's just easier said than done. You might get pissed one day and whip out your checkbook and say "RESPECT THE NUMBER OF ZEROES PUNK!....NOW DO WHAT THE HELL I TOLD YOU TO DO BEFORE I TAKE YOUR JORDANS OFF OF LAY-A-WAY!!"

 

my parents are in thier 60's now, alot more marriages seem to stick in those days.

my mum and her friends were all stay at home mothers, my mum worked before having us and went back to work along with several of her friends when my baby sis hit 15

i always remember my mum and her friends happily spending hours together either sewing or baking and i loved being off school ( i was a sickly child ) and going to markets and tea rooms with them.

to be honest people just dont seem to have that level of happiness these days

 

LMAO!!!!!!!

 

Don't forget reserved too!!!

It is easier said than done. I just don't ever see myself doing that, but in the heat of the moment, I guess you never know. I can see a scenario more like this "Baby, I picked you up a little something at the store today. Do you have something 'special' for me? :smt112"

 

That was very mentally-dissarming....you're smoother than freshly-shaved legs.

....and you know I'd have a bottle...of fresh hair conditioner baby!!!!

Seriously, if 'she' ever threw up the fact that her check was bigger than mine, I'd probably curl up into a fetal position and rock back-and-forth. That's kind of crushing.

 

:smt042 I didn't know that I was that smooth. I just love enticing my man in any way, shape or form. I also know that you would be ready in a heartbeat for anything that a woman would throw at you.

I agree that it would be crushing to a man. I've had heated arguments with exes in the past over issues, but I've never been one to go on a personal attack to belittle someone to make them feel bad. Here's the thing. Even if we are arguing or disagreeing about something, I still love you so why would I want to make you feel bad or to say something that I'm going to regret later. I've never understood why some women do that. It's really sad.

 

I think women are more dominant than men today. Men are not as masculine in that role anymore. Maybe I'm being blanket to say "all men". But there is no denying than a great many men today are not exhibiting the tough male attributes of the past. Where are the real men, the ladies are screaming for today.

 

I am not traditional when it comes to anything but I am a very girlie. I do enjoy cooking from scratch and I don't mind laundry or cleaning. I also love to work outside, especially in the garden and I can sew some mean cloths (fashion major). I joke sometimes that I would make a perfect house wife with the exception that it would drive me insane to not be financially independent.

I would never feel comfortable knowing that someone else way paying my way, even if I was taking care of the home and the kids (a full time job and deserving of respect, no doubt.) If I was a housewife/homemaker and things did not work out between me and my partner I don't think that would leave me in a good situation. It would be very challenging to support myself independently especially if I had been out of the job market for awhile. For that reason staying at home will probably never be an option for me.

For me in my relationship this means we both work, I cook, we both clean and do laundry, he takes out the trash and does the heavly lifting and fixes the electronics. Neither of us our handy, which is a bit of a problem, but we work it out. We don't have kids. I am fightened by pregnancy and dont see myself wanting them anytime soon and he is in no rush. Maybe we will adopt someday. He has told me that he would never want a house wife or a stay at home mom, likes women that make their own money, and has no problem with a women making more. In our relationship we both bend the traditional roles a bit and the work is split 50/50.

The key is that both parties know their "role" in the relationship, whatever their roles may be, and are happy with the responsiblilites that come with it. The work should be split 50/50 however that couple sees fit for them and their families.

 

It seems Ms Kourtney has found the formula that works for her...bravo!!

 

I can appreciate this GG. It is a major issue with some men if you outearn them, and like you I think being penalized for your success is ridiculous. I worked my ass off to get where I am now, I'll be damned if I'm apologizing to anyone who doesn't outearn me. I would never flaunt that though, I do believe that's rude, I just am not going to take crap over what I earn from anyone. Like you I never viewed it as mine and his either, when I was married everything I earned was ours and we decided jointly how to spend it, to a certain degree, even when he wasn't earning anything. I suspect that wouldn't change, however I don't intend to comingle finances with anyone ever again, I learned my lesson on that one.

You pretty much summed up my thoughts on this topic with your first post as well. I don't view it as serving a man, I take care of the people who matter to me, I have all my life and I'm pretty good at it. If I care for you I just naturally feel an inclination to care for, protect, etc. Perhaps that's the nurturing instinct that comes with being female, or simply that I was raised to take care of everyone, or a combo of both. Regardless it's a natural thing, it takes no effort, nor conscious thought on my part, I just automatically do it. Honestly I have to watch that, or I'll just do everything for everyone all the time, and most people welcome that. I have to make a conscious effort with my kids especially to not run their lives to the point that they aren't capable of being self-sufficient, I have to balance caring and teaching, I don't want either of them to not be able to take care of themselves 100%.

As for a man being a man, that's fine, though I wouldn't know what to do with a man like that. My Ex had no skill at fixing anything, or doing any type of home improvement, car maintenance, etc. He just was not handy with anything, he didn't even mow our lawn, I hired that done. Fortunately my grandfather made sure I knew how to handle just about anything. Like FG and Robina, I can handle anything around the house, the only things I don't do is run new electrical or plumbing, it just makes me nervous doing something that has the potential to burn down my own house. How embarassing would that be to stand on the lawn and watch your house in flames and know you did it to yourself? But other than that I'm good. I've laid the wood and tile in my house, changed out facets, outlets, fuses, sinks, toilets, tubs, etc. There isn't much I haven't done here, despite being a deplorable klutz, I actually enjoy it. I confess I don't change my own oil anymore, it's just cheaper from a time perspective to take it in for that. So basically were I to have a man around who did any of that, I'd be somewhat appalled and in complete awe.

 

You aren't being punished for success but because guys like to know they are wanted. Guys love to be wanted. What lesson did you learn? I might make a thread on marriage and finances.

This sounds like me because I can't do any of that except car maintenance. You really do learn how to fix things when you own them and want to save money. lol

This is actually a good thing. Men should want a woman that can take care of the house if something should happen to the man of the house(god forbid) The place will go to hell in a handbag if the guy is the only one experienced at house maintenance. The funny thing is your comment about letting your children be self sufficient is what a lot of men do to women. They do everything while leaving the wife unable to be lead the family if the man should be gone.

 

Like most of the woman who have answered before me, i'm naturally a nurturer, so i've always taken the roll of the looking after my man...not because he expected it or asked me to do it, but because i loved him and i wanted to show him that...make sure he knew that he is appreciated and loved. i did this whilest i was the main bread winner and also when i stopped work outside the house and stayed home to look after the children. there was always meal on the table, children bathed and in their pj's, house clean and garden mowed. the appreciation needs to be shown both ways though. always catering to someone and lavishing love and attention on them and then not getting anything back in return will very quickly lead to an unhappy woman and an unhappy home.

i'm now a working single mum and very self sufficient...nothing has changed from when i was married to my situation now really. i still maintain the home, take care of the children, maintain the finances, look after the garden, fix things that need fixing etc...i just have one less person to take care of.

 

I learned that unless you are comfortable giving everything to the other party should things not go well, you shouldn't get married and/or combine your finances. You end up paying a lawyer to make sure you keep what's already yours, and that's a bit irritating.

As for being wanted, that's not it, at least not with men I've known. It's purely an ego thing for them, needing to know they're the primary bread winner. There's no reason a man I was involved with would ever feel unwanted, unless he was, in which case he wouldn't be around long anyway. So really money should have no bearing whatsoever. I know, I'm dreaming.

I admit I generally am not paying anyone to do something I can do myself, and if there are instructions I can do it. The only exceptions are if I need something done and don't have time to do it myself, then I have on occasion paid to have it done.

Well I don't really know many women like that, though I did have a neighbor who got divorced and asked me to come over and show her how to change the light bulbs in her ceiling fan after they'd all burned out and she got tired of stumbling around her bedroom in the dark... and no I'm not kidding. Women in my family are relatively self-sufficient, more so than just about any men I know. It surprises me to run across women who don't know how to cook, or start a lawn mower, I just really can't imagine that. I don't think it's good to be dependent on someone else for everything, for one who wants to be inept at taking care of the basics, and two the sense of accomplishment you get when you complete a project is really nice.

 

:smt025...not for long

 

i'd gladly take care of you spunkyspunk

 

hmmm, I'm still battling this one out. I'll make a thread on it. I could go either way.

Can't disagree with this. You get use to being the breadwinner. lol

Oh they are out there. We have plenty of patriarchy cultures.

 

I know there are, and my family structure is patriarchal, or at least it was when I was a child. However my grandfather had an obsession with ensuring I was capable of taking care of myself, so I learned all the 'typical' male skills, like hunting, fishing, marksmanship, self defense, farming, livestock care, car and home maintenance, and my grandmother ensured I picked up the cooking, sewing, and gardening. It was a well rounded upbringing until my teens, and then I was on my own. It's served me really well, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I've tried to pass on most of it to my kids, minus the animal killing parts and the farming/livestock, which doesn't really interest either of them, and I can't fault them for that.