Any Ideas?

Why do I get so angry and disgusted when people are extremely religious? Like talking about God this, God that, God blah blah God blah blah ALL THE TIME. Every other word out of their mouth is God or another name for the God they believe in. And talking about you have to do this and you can't do that, etc because God or whoever said so.

My boyfriend decided to become Muslim a couple years ago or however many years ago it was. I really didn't handle it well, because I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed because it meant he can't be with me or whatever and it was/is after being with him for so many years planning to be married one day and having a family and all that, then all of a sudden and out of the blue, he decides to be Muslim meaning that we can't get married unless I become Muslim too. And I called him a witless asinine slave because of it. Because that's how it made me feel when he was willing to throw us away because some deity says it's the right thing to do.
I can't be Muslim because I want to be free to explore things that are forbidden to explore or believe in or practice in Islam. I don't want to be restricted in what I can learn about and stuff.
Well, then he decided he'll still marry me and make a family with me like we've always (for almost a decade at that time, now it's more than a decade though) planned and have talked about, whether I become Muslim or not.
I thought that'd be cool, because I can still do my thing and respect him doing his thing and we can just co-exist and live happily ever after as ourselves and in love with each other.
Now he's decided to become a more "strict" Muslim. Now he's trying to get me to become Muslim with him. Now if I don't decide to "embrace Islam" then he can't be with me any more because it's Allah's rules whether it makes him happy or not. Is he fucking serious? "Whether it makes him happy or not", he's going to do what it says he should do according to Islam.
And it's all he talks about now. Everything that happens, it's because of Allah, and he's always talking about submitting his will to Allah which is disgusting to me to submit your will to anything, and about Allah willing, and whatever good happens to him it's because of Allah, and it's a blessing from Allah even if it was something I did that didn't have shit to do with anything but me and what I decided to do for him.
It's like he can't make his own decisions or think with his own mind and everything he does has to be according to Allah and the word of Allah. And it's sickening to me just because it makes me feel like he doesn't have a mind or will of his own. And he's talking about he's not going to hell for anyone, not even me. And to me, hell is something that no one can even know actually exists. So he's going to leave me over fear of some place that may not even exist because some book says he's going to go there if he has a romantic relationship with me.
I always used to pride myself in being the type of person that believed that everyone has their own right to believe in whatever religion or spirituality makes them feel best and what makes the most sense to them in their hearts and actually be happy for them that they were able to find something like that which resonated in them and made them feel all warm and fuzzy and stuff inside. Always supporting and accepting of people in being themselves no matter what religion, spirituality, race, sexuality, financial status, etc etc etc.
But, I just can't seem to do that with the person that means the most to me and I don't really understand why. Whenever he tries to talk about it or tell me about it, I just get so disgusted and angry and don't want to hear it. What's wrong with me? This is the only time where I wasn't overwhelmed with genuine and excessive interest in something that involves him and that is a part of him. He's assuming that I'm going to become Muslim "to keep us together" so he's already trying to "educate" me about it and it just makes me sick to read it. My eyes are sore from rolling so much. And that's if I even read it (in his letters) usually I'll just skim over it because I think it's sickening how obsessed he is with it and how much he lets it control him and his decisions.
I so badly want to be nice and respectful and open-minded and interested, because I know it means a lot to him. But, for some reason, I just can't do it. Why am I so hateful about it?

 

:smt056 check your rep.

 

All these jailhouse negroes go Muslim, it's a cliche. Soon as they get out it's back to bacon and white women

 

That love for the all Black African Queen jive...just a front.

 

See Britty, same thing I said... I just didn't say it exactly like that. Karma's approach is more streamlined, but the message is essentially the same.

 

I was going to say the same but Karma said it better. When you are locked up your mind is oppressed and you find ways to cope. When he gets out his outlook on religion may be totally different. :smt056

 

Too bad these fools don't come out and become Malcolm Xs, just more brokedown wannabe Tupacs bringing down what's left of the community.

 

Britty, your reaction is normal. You're hateful about it because it's something that can potentially tear you apart or it will make you do something that is against everything YOU believe in.

I'm sure that Karma is right in that, when he gets out, things will get back to normal, but you have to be prepared in the event that it doesn't.

The only person's actions you can control are your own. It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do.

I hope things work out and I hope that he gets back to normal for you!!

**HUGS***

 

Did I miss the part in her post when she says her BF is in jail? Cause I didn't see that...

Britty, I feel much the same way that you do. I'm very much 'Do as you will- as long as it doesn't impact me.' It sounds like it is, and you have a decision to make- if he's willing to throw his relationship with you away for an invisible man in the sky, then he is making his decision, and you probably should move on. I know you've invested a lot of time in the relationship, but clearly he's not the person he was when you met, and if he's just getting more into Islam, that's not going to change. Wouldn't you rather know NOW before you up and marry him (or worse, convert to something that means nothing to you) than break ties and know that there is someone out there for you who is your spiritual match?

I know it's easy for me to *say*, but let me tell you...I have broken off relationships for things like that because it's a deal breaker. Religious fanaticism, no matter what the religion, is something I just can't deal with (also, opposing political views on a few specific things fall in that list..).

However, only you can decide what to do. I think part of your anger comes from realizing that he is, in a way, betraying you by embracing this religion suddenly that he didn't have before.

Please keep us posted, and I do hope that things work out the way they are meant to be.

 

Britty mentioned that in another post Dreaming, in the Poetry and Creative writing section I believe.

 

As bluntly as he put it, hopefully he's right. It is most likely a coping mechanism for him now.

If karma's right, than might I suggest wearing this when your guy comes home, just to give him a subtle suggestion:





:smt077


Good luck. There's value in life-long relationships. With luck, this is just something you two will be looking back on.

 

I would looooove to come home to this! :tonqe:

Thank you, Chi!

 

Thank you Epsy. I'll reply to it soon. I'm not sure how long I'll be on here this time. But if I don't, I will be on again later. Right now, after I reply to this, I kind of want to get my mind off of it for a while.

I hope so.

Yes, my brother who has been to prison has also told me the same thing too.

That's the common message I'm getting. It just sucks that I can't tell him that.

He's not like that.

That makes sense. Thank you Booksy. Yeah, I have a lot of thinking to do. Last night I kept waking up with thoughts of what I would say, which was kind of weird, you're not supposed to think while you're sleeping. I didn't get any sleep.

Yeah, I have thought about all that too and felt all that too. Which makes me pretty torn on what to do and what to tell him.

Yep.

Lmao! I really didn't think I'd be able to laugh about this, but there I did, thanks Chi

 

I think that's a good plan Britty, and try to get some sleep tonight too. Being really tired will just make it seem worse. :smt056

 

If it makes a difference, this is what he said:

I will spare you all that.

And:

And:

That bit really really made me want to wring his neck, but anyway.

Then he's quoting a bunch of Quran passages again I will skip.

Then some more Quran passages.

This just made me want to say, "DITTO!" except vice versa.

Ditto again, but vice versa.

And:

And:

And:

Emotional blackmail much?
A while ago I said to him, "It's wonderful, your transformation, and I really really really am looking forward to being able to experience every little piece of it."
Now he's replying,

Wow.... Heh. :smt068

And:

Then he told me a bunch of stuff about his beliefs, then:

Yes, he's a sweet talker and an emotional black mailer, I've always been aware of that, so I'm used to it. And he's a Gemini, so he can't help be a tad bit self-centered and very contradictory. But I still feel like I don't know how to take everything he's saying. Aaahhh!!!

 

Yeah, I agree.
His whole letter was 40 pages and he wants me to respond to it within 3 days. Pfft!
Yeah, I might take a nap today.

 

Okay well I'll keep my knee jerk reaction to that to myself because it's not 'inspired speech'. I do not respond well to ultimatums, that's why I'm single in fact, but I honestly don't know many people who would respond well to that.

However I stand by what I've already told you Britty, wait until he's released and has resumed his life, then see if it lasts. All forms of religion are prevalent & successful in prison, because it's a captive audience, with no options, no family & friends, and nothing but time. Add to that their desire to find an answer as to why they are there, other than 'you fucked up' because none of them want to hear that, and their desire to become a better person to make sure they don't get invited back for a return visit, and what you have is a person who will listen to damn near anything. A very high percentage of inmates 'find God' in some form in prison, but most lose Him shortly after they're released. Right now it's easy to put it all on you because the thought of losing you isn't as painful because he doesn't have you with him now. Just wait and see how easy that is once you're standing in front of him. It's easier to break up with a piece of paper, less so with a living, breathing, loving person.

That 3 days to answer is horseshit, but that's up to you to address. I don't know how long until he's released, so I don't know if telling him that you want to wait to discuss it in person is an option, but IMO that would be best.

:smt056

 

disgusting

 

Britty: I meant in general about the wannabe Tupac thing, not your situation.

 

i so co-sign all of that...and honestly, you give me an ultimatum, you're not going to get what you want because i'll go in the opposite direction. what a horrible situation to be in gorgeous girl. take your time, dig deep within yourself & do what is right for you...leave him to his manipulations, ultimatums and the rest...he'll be different when he gets out and is faced with a life without you. all my love & e-hugs coming your way :smt058