trepidation barriers of meeting ww/bm: whats the syndrome ?

here is an article on meeting someone from yahoo.com:

4 simple steps to meeting someone
By Laura Gilbert

You know the type: the average-looking guy who can meet someone new while out buying light bulbs, or the rather plain Jane who comes home from a dental appointment with the name and number of a potential suitor. We set out to discover just what makes these people so adept at meeting others so you can try their best pick-up tips. Here are the four steps to follow when you see someone you’d like to meet and get to know better.

Step #1: Smile and wave
Don’t be afraid to use gestures that say, “I’d like to chat with you” — whether that means a smile, a nod, a wave or just eyebrows raised in expectation. Laura Lewis, 27, from River Falls, WI, recently spent much of her lunch hour in a long line at a bank. But instead of getting annoyed, she got a number from the cute guy standing behind her. “We were checking each other out the whole time we stood there,” she explains, “and just as I finished at the teller, I gave him a big, big smile. He gave me a cute little ‘hi there’ wave, so I busied myself rearranging my wallet until he was free to talk.”
How to practice it: Even though it may seem bold, smiling at strangers is the top way to let them know it’s safe to break through. Try it on everyone and anyone: the bored workers at the post office, a harried mother in front of you at the checkout aisle, or even the toddler sitting in her cart. As you get used to being a smiler, you’ll start doing it naturally — including at the people you most want to meet.
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Step #2: Be the one who speaks first
Anyone can talk back to someone, but real people-meeters know the trick is starting a chat out of the blue. Susan RoAne, author of How to Create Your Own Luck and What Do I Say Next?, says the secret lies in seeing the world around you as full of opportunities to talk versus waiting to be addressed by someone else.
How to do it: In order to break the ice with people you want to date, it helps to start with people you’d normally never speak to — say, the married guy in another department at work or a grandma at the bus stop. Since you’re not worried about whether they’ll shoot you down, you can truly be yourself and get used to talking to perfect strangers. “You have to get comfortable doing it, or you’ll hesitate when you see someone in particular who you want to talk to,” says RoAne. “If you have to think about what to say or feel self-conscious, you’ll hesitate and the moment will be gone.”

Step #3: Work your chit-chat charm
OK, what the heck should you talk about? The experts advise finding something that you two share — that could easily be something in your environment, like the weather or the huge new billboard that went up across the street. Or it could be something in the world around you, like a big verdict that was announced on the news earlier in the day or the fact that the next day is officially the longest day of the year.
How to practice it: Work on having an opinion or asking for the other person’s view of things rather than just throwing a remark out there. So if you’re in the cereal aisle, don’t mutter to yourself, “Wow, expensive...” Turn to the object of your affection and say, “Wow, can you believe it? Almost six dollars for this! Is it just this brand or are they all so pricey?” Similarly, if you’re in line for lunch and the folks behind the deli counter are taking their time, don’t just say, “Gee, this line is moving so slowly.” Instead, try to get some playful banter going by saying, “I’ll bet you a little bag of chips that we’re not out of here by 1 p.m.” The idea is to open the door to a chat rather than just tossing out an observation.

Step #4: Then... stop talking!
Bill Keith, 29, from Hudson, OH, has a knack for charming everyone around him. He says his secret is knowing when to stop yapping and start listening. “People aren’t used to having other people really listen to them, so that’s how I win a lot of people over,” he says. So whether he’s remarking about an old Madonna song that just came on the supermarket muzak (which is how he met his best friend) or asking someone at Starbucks which shaker has cocoa and which has cinnamon and whether really makes a difference, Keith opens the door to a chat and then shuts his mouth. His new acquaintance walks away feeling connected since Keith lavished on some personal attention.
How to practice it: Next time you start a conversation, make an effort to ask the person you’re chatting with at least three questions before making another observation of your own. That will get you in the groove of letting the other person open up to you... and it shows your level of appreciation for what someone else has to say. And when people feel appreciated, chances are, they’ll want to continue that conversation.

Freelance writer Laura Gilbert has contributed to Cosmopolitan, Maxim, and The Modern Humorist. She admits that she meets most of her friends — and too many of her dates — at work.
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there is an added barrier for IR possiblities....lets be honest here for a bm trying to meet a ww at a store or a resteraunt would be tuff because of the racial barrier. there are trepidations for men as it is because you dont want to get shot down but for a bm is the added of the race issue. IT COULD BE WHAT I CALL the EMMETT TILL syndrome.
how can a bro get pass the trepidation and how can a ww help so we can hook up ?

 

Me thinks you over analyze things too much (at least from reading a lot of your posts).

 

you maybe rite. a friend of mine stated the samething. she stated just do it and done worry about failing sometimes. ( she was talking about work but the principle can be applied here also.). very good pt. sometimes you can think your way out of something cool.


but the reason i brought this up is because guys like myself have come on here and ask how do we meet white women and I believe it is because of the trepidation when you are at a resteraunt or a store or something the like. not a bar/nite club or something like that. it would be easier when you meet em at work or thru a friend because you developed an auto repor

 

Yeah I wasnt trying to be disrespectful or anything. You seem like a stand up person.

As far as "how to meet/find white women", well they are EVERYWHERE. You make it sound like they are some endangered species hiding away in the rainforest lol.

 

Just stay in shape and develop your talents and there will be women galore.

 

The key is approaching politely and confidently like a man regardless of race. If any woman has an issue with a gentleman politely approaching her and she makes it about race then you don't want her and she doesn't deserve you anyway.

 

Scott1618, that makes a little too much sense.

Could you make it seem a tad more difficult so I can ask a thousand questions and then cry "it's just too hard meeting a white woman"? Please?

Much obliged in advanced kind sir!

 

you do know that the wind is going to change & that tongue of yours that you've been sticking so firmly in your cheek as of late is going to end up staying put.

 

He can stick that touge anywhere he wants ...
(oops)
NPM is on a roll!!!

 

rayer:

Soo true, Scott, so much guesswork. How can somebody know, how some one thinks, how some one reacts, without trying it?

People try to find out, how they have to be, generalize, just that they have the lowest risk and forget that every person is different.

 

Well I, for one, have been trying to meat meet a white woman for eons. Yet, I continue to suffer on the sidelines of the game of life. Woe unto me for my white woman cup hath not runneth over.

Really? You mean my time in Siberia is about to end?

 

It would be a lot easier if they were closer by instead of meeting some that are more than 800 miles away.

 

I should have done a better intro......you know how people come on and state how to meet a white woman....well I believe i can understand the reason they ask that question and that is because of what i call the emmitt teal syndrome..

It is I believe and speaking from personal experience is that when you see a ww you are interested in at a place where you have to really extend yourself out there like a resteraunt or a store , you will have a little trepidation because you dont know if she is into black guys.

also if you never dated outside your race you are afraid or maybe afraid of the apsersions and the detractors that will come before you ( emmitt teal syndrome) and that may frighten you off a BIT.

I suggest that if a ww is in a store and she will have to be on an extreme acumen sense to realize that a bro is interested and she may have similar interest in him to give him an extra nudge to come and talk to her.

it is a difference between a BM on a BW move because of the reduction of hurdles.

do you agree ?

 

very much true. I use that technique on the sistas. it works very well.

I should have done a better intro......you know how people come on and state how to meet a white woman....well I believe i can understand the reason they ask that question and that is because of what i call the emmitt teal syndrome..

It is I believe and speaking from personal experience is that when you see a ww you are interested in at a place where you have to really extend yourself out there like a resteraunt or a store , you will have a little trepidation because you dont know if she is into black guys.

also if you never dated outside your race you are afraid or maybe afraid of the apsersions and the detractors that will come before you ( emmitt teal syndrome) and that may frighten you off a BIT.

I suggest that if a ww is in a store and she will have to be on an extreme acumen sense to realize that a bro is interested and she may have similar interest in him to give him an extra nudge to come and talk to her.

it is a difference between a BM on a BW move because of the reduction of hurdles.

do you agree ?

 

Goodlove, if a woman smiles at you and maintains eye contact when you look at her, she's open to you approaching her, period, end of lesson.

No woman I know would maintain eye contact with anyone she didn't want to approach her. Generally if you aren't interested you look away when they look at you, quickly, and/or move farther away from them. If she sticks around your general area, smiles, and looks directly at you, talk to her. A lot of women aren't comfortable approaching a man, but that doesn't mean they don't give you signals to let you know it's okay to approach. This is not rocket science, it's pretty straight forward. Oh and if you actually manage to get up the nerve to go talk to her and during the conversation she touches you, that's a really good sign. Most women touch to convey interest.

 

I know what you are saying ...... But what Im saying when guys come on here asking those questions I can reflect on when I got with a ww along time ago ( i told this story before) and moved away from it because of the emmitt teal syndrome theory (ETST). then when i met other ww that i was interested the etst kicked in. Im not saying it is acceptable thought process but it is there for most people.

 

You need to get past that, it exists in your mind, it's your hurdle to overcome.

 

no doubt but what im saying i gaurantee when a person come on the web and ask that question ..... they are thinking the same thing Im saying.

Im only speaking from experience and what I know. If no one speaks the truth or at least from your perspective and both then nothing gets resolved or there will be a total misunderstanding.

Im not going to avoid the elephant in the room.

I am pretty sure Im very accurate in my assessment when i say that people come here and ask how to meet a ww then that is in their head.

 

I think people ask that question for a number of reasons, and not merely the reason you specified. However, regardless of the reason for the question, there's really only one way to get past it and that's to just get out there and meet people.

 

oh yeah. that is the best thang. when i was in college i was very very very shy. It was kind of odd because when i was in the military i was a tad different. but anyway.... I said f%%% it and I would do a thing called trial and error approach. I would approach a woman and reassess everything i did after awhile i was hitting the mark everytime.

then i developed what a guy called the grenade approach... when you pull the pin from a grenade you only have 5 secs to act... well with a woman walking down the street you have that amt of time so instantly i have my 5 sec approach and boom its on. trail and error. I have an common ice breaker that would possibly be tailored for various sits.

so for me meeting a woman is no prob I just speculating ( actually i was just be provocative) in saying the etst is in effect on guys.

after doing trail and error and grenade approach the shyness wore off. I actually like the thrill of approach

but i digress....like i stated im pretty sure of the etst thought process. I hope another comes in and ask the age old question how to meet a ww. Im going to give him a plethoria of questions.


There is one more thing...I have not seen a ww come in and say how to meet a BM . Why is that ?